You'd Be Home Now

Sixteen-year-old Emory Ward awakens in the hospital heavily sedated with pain medication. As her sister, Maddie, sits by her side, Emory remembers when they visited the beach as a family. Maddie senses that Emory needs more meds and presses the pain pump button.

Emory’s parents, Abigail and Neil, are in the room, but when she asks where Joey is, they don’t answer. Emory overhears that Joey had heroin in his bloodstream and remembers that when they picked Joey up from the party, he seemed intoxicated. Abigail says, “I will fix this […]. He’ll go to rehab, he’ll get better, he’ll come home” (6). Neil argues that rehab can’t fix the fact that someone died. Listening through the fog of pain meds, Emory processes that Candy is dead and repeatedly says that Candy just had a headache, referring to the reason that they left the party.

When Emory wakes up, Joey is there, and he is crying. He has stitches and an arm sling but is otherwise okay, but Emory’s leg is badly injured. Joey apologizes to Emory through his tears. She thinks about how his peers used to idolize Joey but now call him “[j]ust another druggie loser” (8). Joey was once her hero; he made time for her since their parents weren’t around much. One day, however, Joey stopped spending time with her. Emory asks Joey why he overdosed, but he only responds by telling her that she doesn’t understand his life.

Emory is at home and recovering in the spare bedroom that her mother designed for their Nana whom she hopes will one day live with them. Her dog, Fuzzy, nestles in to comfort her, but Emory’s kneecap is broken, and she is in excruciating pain. She overhears her mother arguing with Maddie about giving her more pain medication. Abigail says that Emory can only have ibuprofen because she fears that she will become addicted to the prescription pain relievers. Maddie replies that Emory isn’t like Joey and that it’s cruel to leave her in pain.

Emory’s parents return to work and Maddie becomes Emory’s caregiver. The family has a helper named Goldie who does the cooking, but most days it is just Maddie and Emory alone at home. Maddie sneakily gives Emory a pill which helps to ease her physical pain. Emory is used to a home filled with noise from her parents arguing with Joey. The quiet in the house comes at a cost, though, as Emory “feel[s] guilty about loving this peace” (12). Though she wishes her parents would pay more attention to her, she is thankful for a respite from all the strife.

When Joey was 13 years old, he converted the attic into his room. Joey is a talented artist and enjoys spending time alone sketching at his drafting table. After the accident, Emory’s mother searched Joey’s room for drugs and left behind a mess. While Emory rests, Maddie cleans up the room and brings Emory some of Joey’s sketches. Emory hopes that when Joey returns from rehab he will begin sketching again, but Maddie isn’t so optimistic. Though Emory didn’t realize the depth of Joey’s addiction, Maddie was away, and Emory had to bear the burden alone of keeping Joey’s secrets. Maddie assures Emory that she isn’t at fault, but Emory feels guilty for hiding the truth and feels responsible for Candy’s death.

Five weeks after the accident Emory goes to have the knee brace removed. Despite having family money, Emory’s mother is a lawyer and is very committed to her work. Emory is saddened that her mom doesn’t want to go with her and sends Maddie instead since Maddie is home for the summer from Brown University. Joey is at a rehab facility in Colorado called Blue Spruce and Emory’s mom claims that she must work to pay for the expenses. However, Emory knows that they have the money. She recalls a time in the past when she overheard another parent commenting on their privilege, saying, “[t]hat family is richer than sin, I’m surprised they don’t have a chauffeur for their precious babies” (16). Abigail presents Emory with a new phone since her old one was destroyed in the accident. Emory reads a feature newspaper story about Candy MontClair’s death which causes her to have flashbacks from the accident, and Maddie gives her a pain pill to calm her down.

As they drive, Emory replays the accident in her mind. Luther, whose blood test was clean, was driving and lost control of the car in the rain. Emory notices out the window a group of people gathered under Frost Bridge. Maddie explains that they have addiction struggles, and the city made it difficult for them to stay in town. Seeing them makes Emory more anxious and she longs for the comfort of the pain meds to drown her feelings. Emory sees the Mill, a textile operation that their family built which is now vacant, and it reminds her of happy memories from the annual Fourth of July fireworks display. She also remembers when Joey stopped coming to the show in favor of hanging out with his friends.

Dr. Cooper examines Emory’s knee and tells her that she must sit out the dance team season since she needs extensive rehab. Emory isn’t fazed since being on the dance team is her mother’s dream and she was only an alternate anyway. The doctor asks her to bend her knee, but Emory fears the pain and returns to the memories of the accident. The doctor offers to prescribe her Vicodin, but Maddie says that their mother won’t allow it.

Back at home, Emory lounges near the pool and watches next door for her crush, Gage Galt. Though the two have kissed, he hasn’t contacted her since the accident. She scrolls his social media page, reading endless comments from other girls. Maddie grabs Emory’s phone to snoop and sees a stream of unanswered text messages from the dance team members revealing that her friends have distanced themselves from Emory since the accident due to rumors about Luther. Emory admits to herself that even though the girls aren’t her real friends, she enjoys the safety of being a part of a group. Maddie says, “[y]ou’ve been dropped, […] I was worried that might happen” (27). Emory doesn’t care that the girls have turned on her, but she wishes that Joey was there because he’s the only one who truly understands her. Emory intentionally falls backward into the pool, wishing that she could disappear for the rest of the summer.

Emory spends most of the summer floating in the pool and staring up at the stars. Being in the water soothes her anxiety and allows her to feel invisible. One day, Emory’s mother leaves to collect Joey from the rehab facility in Colorado so that he can return to begin his senior year of high school, but Emory can’t understand why the whole family isn’t going. Her mother demands that she get out of the pool, saying that she doesn’t have time for “this nonsense” (31). Emory has a therapy appointment with Sue who comes to their house to rehab her knee. Emory hates the visits because the rehab is painful, and Sue isn’t very helpful. As her mother rushes about preparing to leave, Emory ponders why her mom is acting as if nothing happened. She replays in her mind the terrible accident and wonders how anyone can move on from the tragedy.

While soaking in the tub, Emory thinks about the pain scale in the hospital and how she always lied about how much pain, both physical and emotional, she was experiencing to ease the stress on her parents and Maddie. Before leaving to collect Joey, Abigail hides all the medicine in the house and her valuable jewelry. Emory tells Abigail that Joey never stole from her, but her mom claims that it’s the best plan for everyone even though Abigail regularly self-medicates with sleep aids.

Abigail leaves a list to complete while she’s gone which includes going to the mall to shop for back-to-school clothes for both her and Joey. Thinking about seeing her peers with all the rumors swirling around causes Emory to panic. She tries to tell her mother that she isn’t ready to go back out into public, but Abigail waves off her anxiety, saying, “[t]oughen up, my dear […]. People have been talking about me my whole life. You’ll come out of this stronger than before. We all will” (35). After her mother leaves, Emory returns to the pool.

Emory feels like Sue is her only friend even though she mostly just watches television while Emory half-heartedly tries to complete the exercises. When Joey returns home, he will stay in Maddie’s old room, but Emory thinks about how much he loved his attic space—what she calls his “disappearing place” (39)—and how he spent long hours there sketching and sometimes smoking pot. From his window, Joey could see the now abandoned creek side mill once owned by their family. The attic feels haunted for Emory, and she pays Sue to move the rest of Joey’s things downstairs, claiming that her knee prevents her from climbing. Sue thumbs through Joey’s drawings, commenting on his talent, and shares that she once enjoyed art as an escape.

As Emory transforms Maddie’s room for Joey, Maddie texts to check on her. The text thread shows Maddie’s concern for Emory, but she agrees with their mother that Emory should go on the shopping trip to get out of the house. Emory ignores the text and stares out the window at the house next door thinking about her secret. Her father returns home late from his job as an ER doctor exhausted and smelling of cigarette smoke. Emory thinks about the irony of a doctor who smokes, concluding that everyone has a coping mechanism. Neil doesn’t talk to her much and just retires to his chair with a drink to watch television. Emory feels lonely and wishes that a friend would text and ask her to do something or reach out and ask her how she is handling everything. Neil reassures her that life will be better once Joey is home, if he abides by the rules.

Emory returns to the pool and considers how her family hasn’t talked about what happened. She isn’t ready for school to begin, when she must face all her friends. Her mind returns to the night of the accident, particularly Candy’s bloody face and broken body. Emory describes the feeling: “The world was upside down and smashed into a billion pieces” (44). The one time she tried to be like every other high school kid in town, it ended in disaster.

The next morning, Emory floats in the pool before reviewing her mother’s to-do list and taking the bus to the mall. She finds nothing that matches Joey’s messy, carefree style, but she dutifully fulfills her mother’s wishes, thinking, “[i]n just four stores, I buy Joey a whole new life” (48). Emory has secrets and one is her obsession with Gage. Popular, athletic, and handsome, Gage is the typical high school heartthrob. Emory compares him to a drug and describes the intoxicating feeling that she has when she’s with him. Though they don’t talk much when they’re together, Emory misses his company and the way she perceives that he truly sees her.

Emory’s other secret is that she likes to steal things. As she leaves the mall, she spies a bracelet and tucks it under her shirt. When she gets home, Emory retrieves a velvet box from her closet where she keeps her secret items, some she found but others stolen, including money. Thumbing through her treasures gives Emory a thrill and makes her feel satisfied that she isn’t the only one in the family with a hidden life. Abigail’s car pulls up outside, and she knows that Joey is finally home.