You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty

Feyi and Milan keep seeing each other over the next few months, but only for sex. Feyi confides to Joy that she feels like she is using him, and Joy corrects her that he is getting to sleep with her. Joy, in the meantime, is carrying on an affair with a married woman. Feyi occasionally notices Milan looks at the ceiling in a heavy, sad way when he thinks she is asleep.

She and Joy go out to meet Milan and his friends. They are startled by how good-looking his friend group is. Feyi argues with Joy about whether sleeping with all of them is okay. Feyi makes intense eye contact with one man, and he leans over to Milan and asks him to call the women over, introducing Grant, Tolu, Clint, and Nasir, the one making eye contact with Feyi. Tolu tries to impress Joy, who is more excited when Nasir’s sister Lorraine shows up. Nasir asks Feyi about her art and gives her a card, saying he would like to see it sometime. Feyi heads to the roof and is joined by Nasir, who catches her so she does not stumble into the railing. He looks at her in a way that makes her uncomfortable, like he is hunting her. She criticizes him for trying to flirt with his friend’s girl, and when he backs off, she is both curious and repelled. He apologizes again and Feyi feels a mixture of attraction and irritation at his genuine remorse. She tells him it was nice to meet him and goes back to the bar.

Feyi breaks up with Milan and tells herself it is not really a breakup because they were not dating. Feyi is bothered by Joy’s question about what she wants. She keeps thinking about Nasir saying he wanted to know her, not just physically, and does not know if she is ready. She still dreams about the accident and the funeral. Milan had not been interested in any of her interiors. Feyi cannot help wondering why and worries she has been underwhelming, and that Nasir might find her the same once he gets to know her. As she’s thinking about this, her phone rings. It’s Nasir. Joy gave him Feyi’s number. He asks her to dinner, and when she asks about his relationship with Milan, Nasir says that’s between them. Feyi agrees to go with him that night. Feyi calls Joy, who answers from a hotel room bed where she has met her lover. She is ecstatic Feyi said yes to a date. Joy recounts how he gave his card to Joy, asking her to let him know if Feyi seemed at any time like she might be open to dating after Milan. When Feyi expresses her doubts about sleeping with someone in Milan’s friend group, Joy says she should not be scared because Nasir seems like he could be something more serious than Milan. Feyi hangs up and worries about her friend continually falling for married women who never leave their husbands. She gets ready for her date and waits nervously, relieved when Nasir texts that he’s downstairs in his car.

At the restaurant, Nasir asks her why Joy said Feyi was not looking for a relationship. Feyi tells Nasir about Jonah and the accident and cries at the table. Nasir says they can take it slow and be friends first. He changes the subject to her work, and Feyi is again hesitant to talk. When Nasir reveals his father is an art collector and that he collects a little himself, they begin to talk and bond over artists they both like. After dinner, he asks her to a Moses Sumner concert. He drives her home in comfortable silence.

Feyi snuggles with Nasir during the Moses Sumner concert, admiring the way the musician performs and enjoying the very handsome Nasir singing softly into her ear. He compliments her beauty, and Joy says the two look cozy together. She and Joy go to the bathroom and talk about how good Feyi and Nasir seem together. Feyi admits she feels guilty. Joy coaches her gently about moving on, but also gives her a reality check that it is too soon to be talking about being serious. When they head back, Feyi sees Milan and, though nervous, goes to say hello. He is warm and welcoming, and he knows she is there with Nasir. Feyi is relieved to hear the men have communicated, and that Milan is trying to get back together with an ex-girlfriend. The information that he has an ex surprises Feyi, but she is happy that he has someone. Feyi looks around at the lights and the atmosphere created by the music and feels deeply alive.

Over the next few weeks, she is surprised about how easy building a friendship is with Nasir. He had said it was fine to go slow, but she begins to worry about what might happen if he thinks she is leading him on. She asks him if he is sleeping with anyone, and he admits he is occasionally, but that it’s casual. She is relieved to hear this, which baffles him, but then he says it is nice she is considering his needs. He asks if he will ever see her studio. She says yes, realizing she’s ready to show him, and they go there immediately. It feels very intimate for Feyi, to show him her work. He sees large images put up on the wall of her last show, bloodied clothing she had salvaged from the accident. He asks if she still has the pieces, and she says they are stored in the freezer. He looks and sees that there is also a large bucket full of pig’s blood. She shows him her current work, which consists of her bloodied handprints filling the canvas. The scar on her hand from the accident is evident in every print. Nasir is overwhelmed, saying they are beautiful and powerful.

Nasir tells her that his dad is on the board for the National Museum back home in the Caribbean and that a show put on by a curator named Rebecca Owo (whom Feyi recognizes and is excited about) had an artist pull out. Nasir had his father suggest Feyi. The museum looked up her work and liked it. Nasir says that if she wants, she could be a part of an exhibit of Black Diaspora artists at the National Museum. Feyi is overwhelmed by the offer and asks why he would do that for her. He said he is going home for a while and it is a good reason for her to take a vacation with him, as friends. He says it’s no big deal because his father often flies him and his friends to the island to stay. She will get her own room in his father’s house. She asks to have a night to sleep on it and he agrees but says he wants to buy a piece before she becomes famous. She agrees and asks him back to her place. He thanks her for sharing something important with him. When they arrive at Feyi’s apartment, she tells herself to stop thinking and makes a move to kiss him. He holds back but she tells him not to. She feels like she cannot handle people continuing to treat her like she will break, as they did after her husband died. They begin to kiss, letting all the longing and emotion out. Nasir says he has been dying to kiss her since he saw her in the bar, and she admits she wanted to kiss him, too. She feels terrified about being with Nasir in a world after Jonah.

Feyi and Joy go for a run. Feyi tells Joy about Nasir’s proposition. Joy says there is no way they are going as friends if she is meeting the family. Feyi admits they kissed. They briefly reminisce about their quick physical affair in college, but then move back to Feyi and Nasir. Joy says it is a big step in a positive way, and that it is nice that Feyi gets a vacation while advancing her career.

They both buy ice cream to enjoy on the way back. Feyi asks about Joy’s lover, and Joy blushes and says her name is Justina. Feyi marvels that there seems to be something to this relationship, and wonders if it is because they are both Ghanaian. Joy confirms their shared experiences and family expectations are a major part of it. Joy says she got out from under the expectations regarding marriage, but Justina did not. Joy is reluctant to have Justina blow up her relationship with her family and marriage for her. When Feyi asks if Joy loves her, Joy gets broody, and Feyi drops it. To keep Joy from getting more upset, Feyi asks for help planning her wardrobe. They decide Feyi should go with gold braids. Feyi remembers how people told her when she was young that she should not have bright colors against her skin, but now she delights in doing the exact opposite. She indulges in fantasy about island living and texts Nasir that she’s decided to go with him, surprised to find that she is truly excited.

A week later she is in a cab going to pick up Nasir. They kiss, and Feyi notices that Nasir still needs a minute to register that it’s okay. She likes that he has never rushed her. Sometimes she feels guilty kissing Nasir and pulls away, but he has not said anything. At the airport, Nasir takes control of the luggage and boarding process. Feyi thanks him for everything, and his response that she deserves more scares Feyi because it feels like it requires promises.

Just before they land, Feyi asks Nasir why he left, and Nasir says he did not appreciate the island growing up and is glad his father stayed so he has a home base. They have a house in town that his sister Lorraine now lives in, but his father has had a custom-built place in the mountains with an infinity pool made just for him. His father’s restaurant is in town, but he wanted something separate. When Nasir says the name of his father’s restaurant, Feyi recognizes it because Joy is a foodie. Nasir tells her his father is Alim Blake. Feyi is excited; he was a judge on a cooking show she and Joy watched. His restaurant has two Michelin stars. After they get through immigration and wait for their bags, Nasir becomes oddly serious and warns Feyi that his father comes off as more effeminate than people imagine. Feyi asks if he is gay and Nasir aggressively denies it.

When Feyi sees Alim, he appears to her to be a still, illuminated island in the crowd of people around the baggage claim. Feyi can see the fierce love that fills his eyes the moment he sees Nasir, though he does not move, letting Nasir come to his open arms. While they hug, she notices how manicured his nails are, and that he might be wearing bronzer on his cheekbones and pigment on his lips. He is a head taller than Nasir, lean and strong.

Feyi is alarmed by the attraction building in her body. She realizes that with Milan and Nasir, it was their desire that had tempted her. The fact that she is the one desiring now frightens her. When Nasir turns to introduce her, Alim puts a welcoming hand on her shoulder, and she feels like she is on fire. She tries to stifle her desire but then notices the gray and brown of his eyes and long eyelashes. She feels her legs grow weak and hears Joy’s voice in her head telling her, “[Y]ou’re fucked” (73).