We'll Always Have Summer

“We’d known each other our whole lives, and in some ways, it felt like a big surprise—in other ways it felt inevitable.”

Belly explains that because she and Jeremiah have known each other for their entire lives, their romantic relationship feels in some ways inevitable. She also characterizes their relationship as a surprise, however, which is a subtle nod to Belly’s past relationship with Jeremiah’s brother, Conrad, and her years-long belief that she would end up with Conrad.

“A fight is like a fire. You think you have it under control, you think you can stop it whenever you want, but before you know it, it’s a living, breathing thing and there’s no controlling it and you were a fool to think you could.”

In their two-year-long relationship, Belly and Jeremiah break up once due to an argument over spring break plans. Belly states that while they do not often fight, their argument escalates so rapidly that it can only be compared to a fire, something that takes on a life of its own and can quickly get out of hand. This is how their argument over Jeremiah going to Cabo ends up, and the two decide to break up rather than work through their disagreement.

“Jeremiah knew how much I wanted to go to Cousins. He knew how much it meant to me. I’d done more growing up in that house than I had in my own. And with Susannah gone, it felt even more important that we kept going back.”

In their argument about spring break, which precedes their breakup, Belly is surprised at Jeremiah’s willingness to change their plans so he can go to Cabo with his fraternity brothers. This speaks to their differing values and perspectives. Belly feels it is important to continue visiting the Cousins Beach house often now that Susannah is gone, while Jeremiah seeks to explore new places and experiences. Belly feels that in doing so, Jeremiah is disregarding or, at the very least, not considering her feelings, which indicates to her that Cousins is not as much of a priority to him as it is to her.

“I had this sudden thought. Oh my God, I still love you. [...] Just because you bury something, that doesn’t mean it stops existing. Those feelings, they’d been there all along. All that time. I had to just face it. He was a part of my DNA.”

Belly goes to the Cousins house over her winter break. She is surprised when Conrad arrives at the house, and the two spend a night sharing the house. During that brief visit, Belly falls, and Conrad helps her up. As he does this, a rush of feelings for Conrad floods Belly, and she realizes she is still in love with him, despite being with Jeremiah. In this moment, Belly has to admit to herself that the feelings she buried for Conrad did not simply disappear but will always be a part of her.

“I would always have Conrad in my heart. He would inhabit just that tiny piece of it, the little-girl part that still believed in musicals, but that was it. That was all he got. Jeremiah would have everything else—the present me and the future me. That was what was important. Not that past.”

Trying to rationalize her love for Conrad in a way that will not threaten her relationship with Jeremiah, Belly tells herself that her feelings for Conrad are simply a part of her past, a part of who she used to be that she will never completely let go of. She permits herself to give Conrad that piece of herself, her past self, while she will give Jeremiah “everything else”: her present and her future.

“Firsts were important. But I was pretty sure lasts were even more important. And Jeremiah, he was going to be my last and my every and my always.”

Belly tries to contextualize the love she has for both Conrad and Jeremiah. She acknowledges the important role that first love (Conrad) will always play in her life but wills herself to believe that last loves are even more important than first loves. Belly’s persistence in explaining this to herself indicates the seeds of doubt that will come to fruition later in the text as Belly has to confront the fact that for her, first love will always be more important than any that comes after.

“Don’t you see, Belly? It’s been our story all along. Yours and mine. Nobody else’s.”

Jeremiah proposes marriage to Belly after their fight over Jeremiah having sex with another girl comes to light. While they both maintain that they want to get married solely because of their love and devotion to each other, the timing indicates that they are also trying to move on from Jeremiah’s betrayal. When Belly agrees to marry him, Jeremiah says this quote. The fact that he says it has always been their story and no one else’s alludes to Jeremiah’s desire to forget the fact that Belly loved and dated Conrad first. In saying that it is no one else’s story but their own, Jeremiah points to the other person who features heavily in their love story and foreshadows the events to come later in the text.

“I didn’t want to see a mark on his face one day and not know how it got there. I wanted to be with him. His was the face I loved.”

Belly realizes she wants to marry Jeremiah after reflecting on how important he has always been to her life. Having grown up together since birth, there has never been a time in Belly’s memory when she did not know the details of Jeremiah’s life. Looking at his face, it hits her how much she never wants to miss a mark on his face or the details of his life. This convinces Belly that she loves Jeremiah enough to marry him, and so she accepts his proposal.

“Standing outside her door, listening to her weep, I was ready to give it all up. In that moment I would have done anything, said anything, to make her stop crying.”

After Belly and Jeremiah’s engagement announcement does not go over well with their families, Belly hears her mother sobbing in her room. Belly and her mother do not speak for much of the text due to their anger with one another. Belly’s desire to comfort her mother, even in her anger at her, speaks to Belly’s unwavering love for her mother even though their relationship is complicated. She implies that her love for her mother is even stronger than her desire to marry Jeremiah, as she says that in that moment, she was ready to give it all up, including marrying Jeremiah.

“Home, I was back home. The house looked the same, tall, and gray and white. It made me feel the same. Like I was right where I belonged. Like I could breathe again.”

Belly returns to the Cousins Beach house for the summer to escape her mother and plan her impending wedding to Jeremiah. Belly’s return to the beach house is always a pivotal moment in the Summer trilogy texts, as whenever she returns, Belly feels instantly at ease regardless of what else is going on in her life.

“He was marrying my girl, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I just had to watch it happen, because he was my brother, because I promised. Take care of him, Connie. I’m counting on you.”

Jeremiah gets angry at Conrad for asking about his reasons for marrying Belly so suddenly, and as Jeremiah surfs away, Conrad smacks the water in anger. Not one to often share his emotions, this is the first time the reader gains insight into Conrad’s thoughts about Belly and realizes that he does love her. Conrad also explains in this quote why he cannot try and break up the wedding: a promise he made to his mother before her death that he would look out for his brother.

“It was like gradually waking up. You go from being asleep to the space between dreaming and awake and then into consciousness. It’s a slow process, but when you’re awake, there’s no mistaking it. There was no mistaking that it had been love.”

Conrad’s ex-girlfriend at college asks him how he knew he was in love with Belly. Conrad thinks about this and realizes there was no inciting event, instead comparing it to a gradual realization, like waking up from a dream. Regardless of how it happened, Conrad states here that he is unequivocally in love with Belly and always has been.

“When I thought about it now, that moment in the motel, I understood I was the one who’d set this thing in motion. Pushed them together. It was my doing. I was the one who was going to have to live with it. They were happy.”

Conrad recalls with regret the scene in book two of the Summer trilogy when he pushed Belly away for the last time. In doing so, he realizes that he pushed her right into Jeremiah’s waiting arms, losing her forever to his own brother. By refusing to acknowledge his true feelings to Belly those years ago, Conrad set into motion the current events of the text that he now finds himself deeply struggling to deal with.

“Ernie said, ‘If a girl’s the one, all bets are off, family or no family.’”

Conrad speaks with his elderly friend, Ernie, who can sense how upset Conrad is about Jeremiah and Belly’s wedding. He asks Conrad whether he will do something about it or just let the girl he loves go. Conrad expresses uncertainty about going after Belly because she is marrying his brother, and Ernie gives Conrad permission, stating that he needs to pursue the girl he loves regardless of whether she is marrying Conrad’s brother. Ernie inspires Conrad not to give up his hope of being with Belly.

“I was relieved that everybody would be here tomorrow. It wouldn’t just be me and him anymore. Once Jeremiah was here, everything would go back to normal.”

While cleaning Conrad’s cut from a surfing accident, Belly finds herself fighting the urge to kiss him. This upsets Belly, who feels increasingly confused about her feelings for Conrad as her wedding to Jeremiah approaches. Belly and Conrad do not kiss, but the feeling leaves her rattled. She tries to make herself feel better by telling herself that she will feel better once Jeremiah and their friends arrive. What is telling, however, is that Belly feels that distraction, rather than confronting her feelings, will result in her feelings for Conrad going away.

“I knew I loved you. But I knew I shouldn’t. I didn’t have the right to love anybody then. After my mom died, I was so pissed off. I had this anger in me all the time. I felt like I was going to erupt any minute. [...] I didn’t have it in me to love you the way you deserved.”

Conrad and Belly finally discuss their feelings for one another openly and honestly, which Conrad has never been able to do. He explains his deep regret at how he treated Belly back when they were dating and reveals the depth of his anger and sorrow after his mother died, which prevented him from being vulnerable and emotionally present with her. He explains it in terms of how he felt that he did not have the right to be with anyone, least of all Belly, at the time because he could not handle or confront his emotions productively.

“In my heart I knew I loved them both, as much as it is possible to love two people at the same time. Conrad and I were linked, we would always be linked. That wasn’t something I could do away with. I knew that now—that love wasn’t something you could erase, no matter how hard you tried.”

After fighting her feelings for Conrad for the entire text, Belly admits to herself that her love for him never went away and never will. She views herself as inextricably linked to Conrad despite having genuine love for Jeremiah. This leaves Belly in a difficult position as she knows she cannot erase her love for Conrad, and yet she is not willing to walk away from the future she allowed herself to envision with Jeremiah.

“I sank onto the deck. My heart was pounding a million trillion times a minute. I never felt more alive. Anger, sadness, joy. He made me feel it all. No one else had that kind of effect on me. No one.”

Belly has always stated that when she finds the person she will spend the rest of her life with, she wants it to be someone with whom she has an undying passion. Belly resents her parents’ amicable but tepid relationship, stating that they have never had passion for one another, even in their divorce proceedings. This quote indicates that for Belly, Conrad is the only person with whom she has that chemistry and passion, even though it sometimes brings her pain. According to Belly’s stated desires for the kind of relationship she wants long-term, Conrad is the only one who could fulfill those desires.

“This isn’t what I wanted for you. But I’m here. This is your wedding day. My only daughter.”

Belly and her mother reconcile, yet Laurel still does not fully approve of Belly’s marriage to Jeremiah. Laurel’s presence at Belly’s wedding, and this quote, speak to the depth of Laurel’s love for Belly, regardless of their arguments and differences.

“I always believed that we would find our way back to each other every time. That no matter what, we would be connected—by our history, by this house. But this time, this last time, it felt final. Like I would never see him again, or that when I did, it would be different, there would be a mountain between us.”

Conrad visits Belly one more time to say goodbye. This is a heartbreaking moment for them both, as they each acknowledge their love for one another and yet feel that too much has happened and come between them for them to be together. As Belly says goodbye to Conrad, she experiences heartbreak she has never known before. Because she cannot allow herself to leave Jeremiah for Conrad—to take the risks necessary to be with the one she truly loves—Belly decides to let Conrad go, knowing that if she does so, there will be a chasm between them that they will not be able to navigate despite their deep connection and love for one another.

“I wanted to tell him no. I opened my mouth. Why wouldn’t the words come out? Why couldn’t I say what he needed to hear? [...] One word and this would all go away. He wanted to forgive and forget it all. I could see it in his face: all he needed was for me to tell him no. He would still marry me. If I would just say the word. One word. ‘Yes.’”

Jeremiah asks Belly to tell him that she does not love Conrad, and if she does so, he will be able to marry her. Jeremiah states that he cannot be with Belly if he knows that he does not possess all of her heart. Part of Belly wants to tell Jeremiah what he wants to hear, knowing that saying a simple “no” that she does not love Conrad, will solve all of their problems. Belly finds, however, that she cannot because she knows that it would be a lie, and she is unwilling to hurt Jeremiah in that way. Therefore, she tells him that a part of her will always love Conrad, which seals the fate of her relationship with Jeremiah.

“In the letter she said—she said she only ever got to see him in love once. That was with you. [...] I won’t be the reason you don’t go to him. I won’t be your excuse. You’ve got to see for yourself, or you’ll never be able to let him go.”

Jeremiah tells Belly that he accidentally read Conrad’s letter from Susannah. In the letter, Susannah does not make any presumptions about who Conrad will end up with but writes that she only ever saw him in love once, with Belly. By evoking Belly in Conrad’s wedding letter, Susannah affirms that Belly and Conrad are meant to be together. Jeremiah realizes that he cannot stand in the way of that for their own sake.

“Sometimes I wondered if we had rushed into getting married because we were both trying to prove something to the other and maybe even to ourselves. But then I think no, we truly did love each other. We truly did have the best of intentions. It, we, just weren’t meant to be.”

Belly reflects on her wedding day and wonders whether she and Jeremiah were getting married to try and forget about Belly’s past with Conrad. Belly ultimately decides that their intentions were pure and that while they genuinely loved one another, they were not meant to be together. In deciding this, she absolves them both of wrongdoing and leaves the door open for a friendship with Jeremiah in the future, with whom she has always had a deep and abiding love.