Ubu Roi

“Pshit!”

Papa Turd speaks this curse (originally “Merdre,” an edited version of the French “Merde,” meaning “shit”) as the first line of the play. It immediately establishes the play’s shocking and crude nature, and reports of the original production note the commotion this term alone caused among the audience.  

“By my green candle, I’d rather be poor as a thin honest rat than rich like a wicked fat cat.”

Papa Turd tells this to Mama Turd after she initially proposes that he try to become king. It stands in sharp contrast to Papa Turd’s greedy and amoral nature later in the play, and shows the shift that Papa Turd undergoes when he instead decides to vie for the crown and is corrupted by power and wealth. 

“If I were in your place, that ass—I’d want to plant on a throne. You could make lots of money, and eat all the sausages you want, and roll through the streets in a carriage.” 

Mama Turd says this to Papa Turd while convincing him to become king. The quote demonstrates Mama Turd’s influence on Papa Turd’s decision to overthrow Wenceslaus, as well as her own desire for power. It also shows the couple’s initial, more meager vision of becoming royalty—having some wealth and food, as well as the pageantry of riding on a carriage—is a far cry from the murderous rampage and bloodthirsty quest for riches that Papa Turd ends up carrying out when he abuses his power. As Mama Turd disproves of Papa Turd’s abuses of power, this quote also shows the benefits she actually had in mind when she persuaded him to vie for power. 

“If it’s a question of killing Wenceslaus, I’m in. I’m his mortal enemy and I’ll answer for my men.”

Captain Bordure tells Papa Turd this when Papa Turd reveals his plan to kill Wenceslaus and promises Bordure the title of Duke of Lithuania if he helps. It demonstrates Bordure’s initial alliance with Papa Turd and opposition to the royal family, before Bordure ends up turning against Papa Turd and joining forces with the Russian army to give Buggerlaus the throne. 

“And by who, great God, by who? A vulgar Pap Turd, an adventurer come from no-one-knows-where, a vile toad, a stinking bum! And when I think that my father decorated him and made him a count, and the very next day that villain had no more shame than to lay violent hands on him.”

Buggerlaus says this to the Queen before her death, as the two mourn Wenceslaus and his other two sons and the effect Papa Turd has had on their family. The quote captures Buggerlaus’s rage toward Papa Turd, which Buggerlaus channels into his quest for vengeance and ultimate victory over Papa Turd. 

“Buggerlaus, I am thy forefather’s ghost. In life I was Junkherr Matthias von Koenigsberg, the first king–and founder–of our house. To your hands I entrust our vengeance (He gives him a big sword.) Let this sword that I give you see no rest until it has banged hell out of the usurper.”

Buggerlaus’s ancestor delivers this speech to him, as the ghosts of Buggerlaus’s family appear around him after the queen dies. The quote depicts Buggerlaus’s quest for vengeance that will drive the play’s later battles, but also shows the play’s reliance on Shakespearean tropes. Many Shakespearean plays feature ghosts of past characters or ancestors revisiting a character, as von Koenigsberg and Buggerlaus’s other family members do here. 

“I’m here to get rich. I won’t let go of a penny.”

Papa Turd tells this to Mama Turd and Bordure when they try to convince him that he should distribute gold and food to his constituents so they won’t overthrow them. It captures Papa Turd’s desire for wealth that will soon become out of control and lead to his murderous rampages. 

“Listen to me, one last time. I am positive young Buggerlaus will carry it off. After all, he thinks he has justice on his side.”

Mama Turd says this to Papa Turd, as she attempts to convince Papa Turd to keep himself in Bordure and Buggerlaus’s good graces so that they do not attempt to overthrow them. The quote foreshadows how Ubu Roi plays out—as Papa Turd refuses to heed Mama Turd’s warning—and also demonstrates Mama Turd’s shrewdness and intelligence as compared with Papa Turd, who is motivated only by what will immediately make him richer and more powerful. 

“Oh, all right, let’s get on with the Nobles. Seeing that it’s taking so long to get rich, I’m going to have the whole bunch of them killed. That way I’ll get all their vacant holdings.”

Papa Turd says this as he begins killing Nobles—and soon his magistrates, financiers, and other officials—in order to seize their property. It captures Papa Turd’s murderous approach to power, in which he gains wealth by seizing it from others and condemning them to death. 

“Bring in whoever’s left of these eminent persons. You who so strangely resemble a well-known horseman in the park—in the trap! And you, Mr. Chief of Police, with all due respect to you—in the trap! […] All right, everybody in the trap!” 

Papa Turd delivers this long speech after condemning his nobles, magistrates and financiers all to death. He then turns his attention to all the other members of society he wants to throw “in the trap,” meaning, throw in a trap door to a cellar to have their brains removed. The quote represents the full extent of Papa Turd’s murderous plans and quest for power at anyone’s expense. The ad-libbed speech can be used to incorporate modern-day societal figures as well, allowing productions to include allusions and parallels to the society in which the play is being produced. 

“I’ve changed the government and I’ve had it announced in the newspapers that all the taxes have to be paid twice, and three times those that will be designated later. With this system I’ll make my fortune in a hurry; then I’ll kill everybody and leave.”

Papa Turd tells this to a group of peasants as he shows up at their hovel to demand taxes they’ve already paid. The quote demonstrates Papa Turd’s irrational political plans for the sake of his own gain, as well as reiterates his intention to simply get rich, kill everyone, and leave Poland. It lays bare once again that Papa Turd’s loyalty is only to himself and his own coffers, not the people he governs. 

“Take care, Papa Turd. In the five days you’ve been king, you’ve committed more crimes than it would take to damn all the saints in Paradise. The blood of a king and of his nobles cry vengeance, and their cries will be heard.” 

Bordure says this to Papa Turd while in chains at the fortress of Thorn. It shows the first instance of Papa Turd potentially facing consequences for his actions, and demonstrates that Bordure has shifted his alliance. The quote foreshadows Bordure’s trip to Moscow and efforts to overthrow Papa Turd with Buggerlaus, as well as the “vengeance” that ultimately comes to pass when Buggerlaus takes the throne.  

“Madam financier, haven’t I years to speak with and you a mouth to hear me? (Bursts of laughter.) Or rather, no! You’re the one that’s making me make mistakes! You’re to blame for my stupidity! Now turdhorn… (A messenger enters.) Now what does he want? Beat it, louse, or I’ll fix you good with beheading and with twisting of the legs.”

Papa Turd says this as he, Mama Turd, and his supporters discuss his tenure as king; he is speaking first to Mama Turd and then to a messenger, whom arrives to inform him of Bordure’s trip to Moscow and new alliance with Czar Alexis. The quote captures several recurring aspects of Papa Turd’s personality well: it shows his frequent insulting of Mama Turd; his buffoonery and lack of intelligence (“years [ears] to speak with” and “a mouth to hear me”); and his excessive threats of violence. Further, the absurdist nature of the threat is captured in the order of the violent acts: a person is unlikely to care if their legs are twisted, once their head has been cut off. 

“I’m half dead. But it doesn’t matter. It’s war! I’m going to war, and I’ll kill everybody. Anybody steps out of line—watch out! I’ll fix ‘im with twisting of the nose and teeth, and extraction of the tongue.”

Papa Turd tells this to Mama Turd as he prepares to leave for war against Bordure and the Russian army; he has just fallen off his horse. The quote displays Papa Turd’s desire for war and violence — as described in tortuous detail—and shows his foolish optimism in his quest for power and continued desire to “kill everybody,” even as he faces near-certain defeat by the Russians and Buggerlaus. 

“Now that this overgrown puppet is gone, we can get down to business: to kill Buggerlaus and seize all the treasures of Poland.”

Mama Turd says this to Champion Gyron after Papa Turd and his men go off to war; it is said directly after Papa Turd expressly tells her not to rob him and take the royal treasures. This illustrates Mama Turd’s own selfishness and desire for power; though she is often critical of Papa Turd’s dictatorial choices, she, too, is on a quest to keep the throne and accumulate as much wealth as possible. 

“Forward, my friends! Long live Wenceslaus and Poland! That old blackguard, Papa Turd, is gone. No one is left but the old witch, Mama Turd, and her knight. I offer to march at your head, and re-establish the race of my forefathers.” 

Here, Buggerlaus is addressing the people in a town square in Warsaw. It emphasizes his continued quest for vengeance and Poland’s throne and depicts the play’s other major quest for power. Buggerlaus’s ability to sway public opinion to his side, after the people had previously praised Papa Turd, also boosts Buggerlaus’s manpower and popularity, aiding his quest for vengeance and helping to drive Mama Turd out of Warsaw. 

“Take that, you! (The Czar snatches the stick away from Papa Turd and hits him with it.) Oh! Ouch! Gee whiz! I’m licked! I take it all back, Sir! I didn’t do it on purpose! (He runs away, the Czar chasing him.) Holy Virgin, this lunatic is chasing me! God almighty, what have I done?”

Papa Turd makes this exclamation as he fights Czar Alexis in battle. Though Papa Turd often boasts about his power—he later brags to Pile and Coccyx about how he “displayed the greatest courage” in this battle (56-57)—this quote demonstrates Papa Turd’s actual cowardice, as he quickly becomes scared and runs away at the first sign of danger. 

“You may flatter yourselves that if you are still living, still trampling the snows of Lithuania, you owe it to the magnanimous virtue, courage, and presence of mind of the Master of Phynance, who strained himself, broke his back, and practically got a sore throat saying paternosters for your safety, and who wielded the spiritual sword of prayer with as much courage as you handled the temporal dynamite-punch of the here-present Champion Coccyx.” 

Papa Turd says this to Pile and Coccyx after they kill a bear that has entered a cavern where they’re hiding, while Papa Turd sought refuge on a rock and prayed, rather than lending assistance. Here, Papa Turd once again demonstrates his ego and penchant for pomposity; he falsely aggrandizes himself by making up achievements and courage he has not actually shown, rather than give credit to those who have done work.  

“Hey you, Russian soldiers! Be careful! Don’t shoot this way; there’s somebody here! Oh! There’s Bordure. He’s a bad one—you’d think he was a bear. And Buggerlaus, coming at me! The bear, the bear! Oh, he’s down! Great God, how tough he is! Me, I don’t want to do any work. […] And Madame Turde! Where’d you get all that gold? You’ve stolen my gold, you wretch! You’ve been rummaging in my tomb in the Warsaw Cathedral, near the Moon. I’ve been dead a long time. It was Buggerlaus that killed me.”

This speech is said aloud by Papa Turd as he sleeps and has a nightmare. The narration of his nightmare, in which he does battle with his enemies and is revealed to have died at Buggerlaus’s hand, reveals his personality and anxieties: he is fearful of his enemies, Buggerlaus and Bordure, and their strength, and is essentially cowardly and unwilling to actually fight in battle. It also shows the extent of his paranoia and worry that Mama Turd will steal his treasures (as she does attempt to do), further highlighting his greed. 

“We’ll take advantage of the situation and the dark. We’ll pretend to be a ghost, and make him promise to pardon our pilferings.” 

Mama Turd says this aside as she arrives at the cavern where Papa Turd sleeps, before pretending to be the Archangel Gabriel and attempting to convince Papa Turd to atone for his sins by forgiving her for stealing his treasures. Her plan once again plays on the Shakespearean trope of ghosts—as well as the Bard’s common use of disguise and mistaken identity—while illustrating Mama Turd’s cunning and creativity in comparison to her more straightforwardly power-hungry husband, who simply relies on violence rather than scheming. 

“Mama Turd: All this is false. Your wife is a saint, and you, what a monster you are!  

Papa Turd: All this is true. My wife is a slut, and what a piece of tripe you are!” 

This exchange between Mama Turd (disguising herself as the Archangel Gabriel) and Papa Turd demonstrates the banter that marks much of their dialogue. He is quick to call her a “slut” and her to call him a “monster”; such insulting language characterizes many of their interactions, as the two frequently spar and butt heads, even as Mama Turd aids Papa Turd in his quest for power. 

“Oh yes, I’m filling my pants—with courage.”

Papa Turd says this to Pile, Coccyx, and Papa Turd’s other supporters as they flee the cave after being attacked by Buggerlaus. In addition to once again showing Papa Turd’s cowardice and false aggrandizement of his courage, the thinly-veiled bawdy, scatological humor demonstrates the play’s essential crudeness and lowbrow humor, which so shocked audiences of the time. 

“Mama Turd: Yes, Buggerlaus has gone to get himself crowned.  

Papa Turd: I certainly don’t envy him that crown. 

Mama Turd: And you’re right, Papa Turd. You’d do better to come with me. This is not a peaceful country. Let’s leave.” 

Mama and Papa Turd have this exchange after being chased out of the cave by Buggerlaus and realize that they have finally stopped being followed. The exchange shows the toll that Papa Turd’s quest for power has taken on them, as Papa Turd says he “[doesn’t] envy” Buggerlaus and they decide to leave Poland entirely. At the same time, it also highlights their continued selfishness and absurd inability to see the consequences of their actions, as Mama Turd decries Poland as “not a peaceful country”—a problem they created by the repeated battles fought solely for Papa Turd’s quest for power.