Tweak: Growing Up On Methamphetamines

Nic notices that Zelda has been acting strangely. She has not worked in two weeks, stays in bed all day, and is always nauseous. Though he continues to work out and work at the salon, he expresses increasingly more disinterest and hostility. In regard to work, he says, “I’m practically a celebrity now because I’m dating Zelda. Why should I be a fucking receptionist at a hair salon?” (233). Nic also starts questioning Spencer as his sponsor, and asks Voltaire, who is Zelda’s sponsor and “a part of that whole Hollywood scene” (234), to work with him instead. He sees Voltaire as less strict and judgmental. Upon the suggestion of her friend, Nic and Zelda also decide to get engaged. He recognizes that none of his friends and family will approve.

Zelda shows signs of relapsing, and though Nic is suspicious of her behavior and questions her, he does not push the issue and chooses to believe her dubious explanations. When she gives Nic a pill to help with his stomach ache and it makes him high, she is forced to admit that she has not been sober and has been taking a variety of drugs for over a year. Her doctor is actually her drug dealer. Rather than leaving her, Nic resolves that their “love will conquer addiction” (244). When the two go to visit her drug-addicted friends, Nic allows Zelda to shoot him up with crystal meth.

After showing up to work “in a total blackout, having stayed up all night shooting coke with Zelda” (248), Nic is fired and told never to come back. He is especially hurt that they change the locks, writing that he loves his coworkers and cannot believe that they are so scared of him. His troubles continue when he finds out the used needle he had injected with days ago gave him an infection. Because of their rampant drug use, he and Zelda fail to notice the severity of the infection, and Nic is told that he may even lose his arm. Despite all of this, he and Zelda continue to use, fearing that their money may run out soon.

Now entirely out of money, Zelda accepts her friend Alexi’s offer to fly her to Las Vegas to organize his office. Alexi is adamant that Nic cannot come, but Zelda insists on bringing him. In Las Vegas, Alexi provides Nic and Zelda with crack. Alexi is hostile towards Nic, questioning him about his relationship with Zelda. Soon, Nic fears for his and Zelda’s safety because of Alexi’s erratic and violent behavior. When he and Zelda try to leave, Alexi refuses to pay for their return ticket. Nic calls several people to beg for money; all refuse him or will not take his calls, knowing that he’s relapsed. Eventually, Alexi’s girlfriend rescues Nic and Zelda, buying them tickets back to Los Angeles.

Nic reveals that he has not been clean in four months. He and Zelda are using cocaine, meth, and heroin regularly. When Nic’s friends and family try to confront and help him, he turns them away angrily, writing that it’s the only way he can escape the shame. He recognizes how well he had been doing before this and that “nothing can really excuse [his] relapsing” (259). Nic survives two near-death episodes, one in which he shoots a mixture of Zelda’s blood and cocaine and another in which he accidentally shoots up a piece of cotton. He and Zelda continue to drift towards overdose and insolvency.