Trainspotting

“Ah take some more crass humiliation for what seems like an eternity. Ah get through it nae bother though. Ah love nothing (except junk), ah hate nothing (except forces that prevent me getting any) and ah fear nothing (except not scoring).”

Again, these brief lines speak to the “in the moment” mentality of the junky and the power of addiction. The indignities that the characters put themselves through in their pursuit of drugs are framed with some humor throughout the book. Take, for example, Mark sifting through his own feces to recover (and subsequently reinsert) the opioid suppository in Chapter 3. However, strip away the comedy, and the circumstances have dire implications.

“He puts a hand oan the deid bairn’s cauld cheek. Tears are fillin in his eyes. […] One mystery has been solved. Wee Dawn’s face looks so obviously like ma mate Simon Williamson’s.”

This quote is from Mark, describing the scene following baby Dawn’s cot death in Chapter 7. It’s a telling moment that sums up multiple themes. We see death in person, ironically taking the life of an innocent child instead of one of the many junkies who tempt the Grim Reaper every day with their dangerous habits. We see the themes of family—biological versus a social/friend family—collide, as the junkies recognize the small junky family that could have been: Simon, Lesley, and Dawn. That Mark refers to Simon not as “Sick Boy” but as “Simon Williamson” speaks to the magnitude of the moment. Instead of using the nickname coined by his pals, Mark gives him the respect of referring to him by his government name, the name his own parents bestowed upon him.

“Christ, life doesnae get any easier.”

Mark thinks this as he’s lying, high, on the floor of his childhood bedroom while his mother calls for him outside. He’s reflecting on how much he loves her but how he is unable to convey this emotion to her, and he wishes that he could find her a replacement son. It’s a painful moment of self-awareness and again touches on so many themes—a wish for change that is impossible to achieve in the grips of addiction, a desire to connect with the “right” people (i.e. a loving family instead of a wild group of junkies), and the constant hardships of everyday life that often drive people to drugs in the first place. This short line is a mantra for the Skag Boys and a life motto for many. Life doesn’t get any easier—so should one cope?

“A don’t really know, Tam, ah jist dinnae. It kinday makes things seem mair real tae us. Life’s boring and futile. We start oaf wi high hopes, then we bottle it. We realize that we’re aw gaunnae die, withoot really findin oot the big answers. […] Basically, we live a short, disappointing life; and then we die. We fill up oor lives wi shite, things like careers and relationships tae delude oorsels that it isnae aw totally pointless.”

This is what Mark tells Tommy when asked about the appeal of heroin. It shows a bleak worldview. It’s one of the most honest, though shocking, insights into just why many of the Skag Boys turned to drugs. Given that Tommy has just lost one of his “delusional” diversions, his relationship with Lizzy, and is about to spiral into heroin addiction, it also appears to be a spot-on analysis.

“It’s probably no even ma fuckin bairn anyway. Besides, ah’ve hud bairns before, wi other lassies. Ah ken whit it’s aw aboot. She thinks it’s aw gaunnae be fuckin great whin the bairn comes, but she’s in fir a fuckin shock.”

This quote, from Frank after he’s beaten his pregnant girlfriend June is especially telling when comparing it to Quote #3. Here, the reader sees two starkly different views on children and family. While Frank is one of the few characters not on heroin, he comes across as the monster—while the junkies have hearts.

“Then him n this Canadian burd, thir baith sortay students like, start talkin aboot aw the fuckin books thuv read. It’s gittin oan ma fuckin tits. Wir supposed tae be doon here fir a fuckin laugh, no tae talk about fuckin books.”

Frank Begbie’s derision for Mark’s wanting to discuss literature with some Canadian tourists speaks to larger class issues touched on throughout the book. In the tough world of the Skag Boys, anything seen as being associated with the upper class (or even middle class) is something they deride. It’s street smarts, not book smarts, that are respectable in their circle.

“Funny scene, likesay, how aw the psychos seem tae ken each other, ken what ah mean, likes? Such alliances are unholy man, just unholy.”

Spud says this line after encountering the violent Frank with a “mean hombre called Lexo” in a pub. While referring specifically to these two, the statement is summing up the social dynamics of the book overall: Crazies stick together; junkies stick together; even the skinheads encountered in occasional bar fights stick together. The saying “birds of a feather flock together” is apt considering the social groups circulating in the Edinburgh underworld.

“Thing is though, Spud, whin yir intae skag, that’s it. That’s aw yuv goat tae worry aboot.”

This brief remark from Mark again sums up, succinctly and simply, part of the appeal of heroin. By becoming life’s only focus, it (in a twisted logic) removes other complications from life.

“He had developed the junky’s skill of lying with conviction and could now lie more convincingly than he told the truth.”

This line describes Mark lying to Dianne’s parents about his relationship to her and, subsequently, his job. It reflects a thread of the concept of deceit, which runs through the book. Deceit governs the livelihood of Mark and Spud, as they participate in a larger scam to defraud the government of welfare money.

“Ah hate it the way Mark’s intae hurtin animals…it’s wrong man. Ye cannae love yirself if ye want tae hurt things like that…ah mean…what hops is thir? The squirrel’s fuckin lovely. He’s daein his ain thing. He’s free. That’s mibbe what Rents cannae stand. The squirrel’s free, man.”

This quote is from Spud, reflecting with horror why his friend Mark wants to kill a random squirrel. It’s a rare moment of a Skag Boy analyzing his friend from a psychological perspective. The reader knows that Mark indeed does hate himself, as evidenced in his rantings about what a disappointment he is to his mother in “Junk Dilemmas No. 64” (Chapter 8). Sensitive Spud can pick up on this despite the two never having discussed such sentiments. His assessment that Mark hates the squirrel is also accurate; the animal does not share the burden of addiction that Mark can’t seem to fully break free from.

“They posh wifies think people like us ur vermin, likesay, does that make it right thit they should kill us.”

This quote comes shortly after the above one, and Spud speaks it. It shows a keen awareness of the class issues throughout the book. This line in particular is striking because Danny refers to himself and his friends as “vermin,” which is on the one hand a very strong and self-deprecating self-image. On the other hand, he sympathizes with the vermin.

“Mrs Murphy turned away and ran oot ay the pub. The expression oan her face got tae us; it wis one ay total defeat. No only hud she loast her son tae prison, she’d hud her image ay him compromised.”

This incident occurs after Danny’s mother accuses the Skag Boys Simon, Mark, and Frank of getting her son hooked on heroin. While Mark and Simon keep quiet, Frank violently refutes this claim. He points out that he’s never touched heroin and that Simon has been clean for months. It’s a difficult moment in which a mother’s image of her son is shattered and speaks to the treacherous effect of addiction not only on individuals but also on those around them. The scene in the pub also shows the worlds of family and friends colliding, with disastrous results.

“Ah couldnae believe ma ears. Sick Boy wisnae jokin. He wis gaun tae try tae set up Planet Ay The Apes wi wee Maria Anderson […] Ah felt sickened at what he’d come tae, what we’d aw come tae, and started tae envy Spud again.”

Mark says this when he realizes Simon is trying to pimp out the junky girl he occasionally sleeps with. To Mark, it’s a new low in how he and his friends treat women. It’s intriguing that this is an unacceptable low for Mark; at this point, he’s already seen his friends beat women and cheat on pregnant girlfriends, and he himself slept with a 14-year-old girl. He envies his friend who’s in prison away from the Skag Boys, foreshadowing his own self-inflicted exile at the end of the novel.

“So it goes back tae ma alienation from society. The problem is that Tom refuses tae accept ma view that society cannae be changed tae make it significantly better, or that ah cannae change tae accommodate it. Such a state ay affairs induces depression on ma part, aw the anger gets turned in. That’s what depression is, they say. However, depression also results in demotivation. A void grows within ye. Junk fills the void, and also helps us tae satisfy ma need to destroy masel, the nager turned in bit again.”

This is the conclusion that Mark reaches after speaking to various social workers and therapists. It again shows a painful awareness of a position outside of society. A similar sentiment is reflected, in less eloquent terms, by Danny when he calls himself and his friends “vermin.”

The pub sign is a new one but its message is old. The Britannia. Rule Britannia. Ah’ve never felt British, because ah’m not. It’s ugly and artificial. Ah’ve never really felt Scottish either, though. Scotland the brave, ma arse. Scotland the shitein cunt. We’d throttle the life oot ay each other fir the privilege ay rimmin some English aristocrat’s piles. Ah’ve never felt a fuckin thing aboot countries, other than total disgust.”

These words speak to the outcast status of the Skag Boys in the larger sense of nation. Mark doesn’t have any national pride or even identity, and he also doesn’t have stable familial relationships or an accepted societal status. He knows that if he’s going to get clean, he must break off many of his friendships.

“Wir all slags on holiday.”

This short sentence is repeated twice in the chapter “London Crawling.” This remark reflects the fact that the chapter’s contents speak to secretive behaviors Mark would only engage in when in the anonymous context of big-city London, specifically, his past homosexual exploration. The escapism it speaks to also reflects the drug user’s desires to escape the realities of everyday life, a sentiment Mark has repeatedly expressed in the past.

“I wish I hadn’t waited so long to become a human being. Better late than never though, believe you me.”

This is how Davie concludes the chapter in which he stages a fake rape and torture of Kevin, the son of Alan Venters (the man whom he holds accountable for his HIV diagnosis). It’s an ironic statement given the horrifying scheme the reader has just witnessed Davie undertake.

“It’s only like, now he’s got a reason tae hate her, rather than just because she’s a woman.”

This quote is from Kelly, the only woman to narrate a chapter in her own voice in the entire book. This moment occurs when a construction worker hassles Alison and Kelly, and Alison fires back insults at the worker. Kelly notes the hate in his eyes, hatred that he already had because she is a woman exacerbated by her defense of herself. The chapter and this moment reveal her keen awareness of the misogyny around her. The freedom she finds in the ensuing moments of female solidarity (as a crowd of women rallies around her and Alison) is unfortunately fleeting. Misogyny and the mistreatment of women happens frequently throughout the novel.

“Lisa seemed to be the only evidence that Matty’s life was not a futile one.”

This line speaks to the importance the junkies seem to place on children, and the theme first appears when baby Dawn dies. The heroin users recognize their lives as useless and that bringing a child, an innocent, into the world is the only way they might still bring redeeming value to their own lives and the world they live in.

“If they gave oot qualifications in bereavement, ah’d be a fuckin Ph.D. by now.”

Mark says this when talking to the other Skag Boys following Matty’s funeral. The entire group is reflecting on how much death they’ve experienced for their young ages. As usual, the author adds a touch of levity to an otherwise grim and dark topic.

“In my essay, ah now think that ah’d be forced tae put that, in some circumstances, morality is relative.”

Kelly says this about the philosophy paper she’s writing for university after she’s added her own period blood, feces, and urine to the food and drink of some patrons at the pub she’s working at. The patrons were the typical sexists she’s used to dealing with every day but in this moment, she seems to crack and reclaim, in a violent and invasive way, her agency, freedom, and power. Her comment that morality is relative seems to apply to much of the characters’ behaviors throughout the book.

“The White Swan disnae fuck ower his mates. Golden rule number one.”

This quote is from drug dealer Johnny Swan and speaks to a shared ethos among the Skag Boys and their friends. Loyalty is a paramount virtue among them. Screwing over a friend is not done. This is an attitude shared by many and what thus makes the final twist of the knife by Mark at the end such an egregious sin in their circles.

“You used mair thin me. And ye shared works. Sick Boy’s, Keezbo’s, Raymie’s, Spud’s, Swanney’s…ye used Matty’s fir fuck sake.”

Mark relays this moment, which depicts Tommy’s reaction to learning that Mark is clean of HIV/AIDS, while Tommy is dying of the disease. The young man’s frustration and anger reflect the injustice that is evident in the world of the Skag Boys. Mark was the one who gave Tommy his first hit of heroin; now he’s clean and thriving. Meanwhile, Tommy is wasting away and unlikely to survive the winter. The difference in outcomes seems to come down to dumb luck, as Mark, just like Tommy, engaged in plenty of risky behavior in the past years.