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45 pages 1 hour read

Kyle Lukoff

Too Bright to See

Fiction | Novel | Middle Grade | Published in 2021

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Chapter 17-EpilogueChapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapter 17 Summary

Bug wakes from his dream. He hears Moira screaming in the bathroom: The bathroom floor is covered in long dark hair, and Bug realizes he has a buzz cut. Bug is confused at first, then realizes that it must have been Uncle Roderick’s ghost who shaved his head in the night. Everyone agrees that a shaved head suits Bug, though nobody understands what has happened.

The girls give Bug a moment alone in the bathroom. He looks at himself in the mirror. For the first time, he sees himself in his reflection. Every other time he has looked in the mirror, he has “seen a girl, and not seen [himself]” (132). He realizes that this is what Uncle Roderick was trying to tell him all along: He is not a girl, but a boy.

At breakfast, Moira tells her mom that Bug’s hair looks good, and Bug notices that she does not use the word “she” to describe him. This makes him happy, like the two friends finally understand each other. When Bug hugs Moira goodbye, he finally feels like “a boy hugging a girl, as friends, and it’s the first time that hugging her doesn’t make [him] feel awkward” (134). Moira tells him that she is glad that they are friends, and that they should go shopping soon to buy clothes that match his haircut.

Chapter 18 Summary

As Bug bikes home, he feels ready to tell his mother that he is a boy. When he gets closer to home, he starts to worry—even though his mom said she would be okay if Roderick came out as transgender, she might not feel the same about him. He remembers some of the stories from Roderick’s papers about trans teenagers having unsupportive parents and how hard that made their lives. Nevertheless, he arrives home, determined to tell his mom. 

When she sees Bug, Sabrina tells him that she likes his haircut. Rather than make a big speech, Bug simply tells his mom: “Mom…I’m a boy” (137). She asks if Bug is telling her that he is transgender, and he responds that he is. She assures him that she is okay with it and calls him her “beautiful boy.” Bug tells her about the events of the summer and how Roderick had been haunting him to help him figure out his identity. His mom is not entirely convinced that Roderick came back as a ghost, but she agrees that Roderick helped Bug discover who he is, one way or another.

Chapter 19 Summary

The next morning, Moira comes over. Bug explains to Moira that he is a transgender boy and asks if she has any questions. She is surprised at first, but adjusts very quickly. Moira assures Bug that she still wants to be friends. She thinks that he makes a very cute boy and that they will have no trouble fitting in at school. Initially, her reaction makes Bug angry. He is frustrated that Moira only seems to care about fitting in with popular kids in middle school. They have a brief argument about their friendship. 

Bug resents Moira for pressuring him to wear makeup and nail polish. Moira tells Bug that she was “just trying to help” (142); she did not know that Bug hated those things, as he never spoke up. Eventually, they both realize that they were each jealous of the other in different ways. Bug wonders what their friendship could have been like if he had known that he was a boy all along. He feels sympathy for Moira for “being stuck with a mopey grump who never wanted to do anything she thought was fun” (144).

Moira takes Bug shopping and helps him pick out boy clothes. She is excited to see the outfits that Bug chooses. Bug also has a lot of fun, finally able to be himself.

Chapter 20 Summary

It is the first day of middle school, and Bug is very excited. The week before, he and his mom met with the school’s principal to ensure that Bug would be safe as a trans student. The principal assured both of them that Bug would be able to use whichever bathroom he needed, that his birth name would remain private, and that the school’s staff would be prepared to support him. 

Bug and his mom drive to school. On the way, his mom tells him that since Bug came out, she has had new ideas for cards: “Snarky ones for gay weddings and gay divorces, updated birth announcements, gender reveal parties for adults…. A whole line of queer celebrations” (150). These ideas have been extremely popular, and business is booming again. Bug is relieved that they do not have to move. His mom apologizes for stressing him out by talking about financial troubles when he had problems of his own to deal with.

Chapter 21 Summary

At school, everything goes very well. Bug is nervous about how to tell the kids from his elementary school that he is a boy, and Moira suggests gathering them all together at lunch to discuss it. Griffin also joins the group. Bug tells everyone that he came out as transgender over the summer, and everyone is very supportive. Many of the kids already know what it means to be transgender from celebrities or their own family members who are trans. Moira clarifies that Bug wants to be referred to with he/him pronouns, and Bug asks his old classmates to not tell people that he is trans. He wants to be able to introduce himself as a boy to new people and share more personal details about himself later. Bug feels like he has already made “a whole bunch of new friends, who just happen to be people [he has] known forever” (154). 

Bug gets home from school brimming with excitement about his first day. He and his mom talk about Roderick and how much they miss him. Bug wishes that he could have talked to Roderick about what it was like for him to come out as gay.

Later, his mom calls him into her room. She is holding a necklace and seems shaken. She asks Bug if he put the necklace on her bed, but he has never seen it before. She explains that Roderick gave her the necklace after Bug’s dad died. She has been keeping it in a jewelry box in the top shelf of Roderick’s closet because it was too painful to look at. Bug tells her that Roderick’s ghost probably put it there to say goodbye. Bug says goodnight, resolving to teach her about ghosts in the morning.

Epilogue Summary

Bug has a dream. He and Roderick are down by the creek. Roderick tells him that he is proud of him for figuring himself out, and that he wishes he could be there for Bug to help more, to “tell [him] how to be [himself]” (159). Bug says that he will have to figure it out for himself. They hug, and Bug remembers that Roderick’s middle name is Thomas. He decides that Tommy will be his new name.

Chapter 17-Epilogue Analysis

In the final chapters of Too Bright to See, Bug reaches the “acceptance” phase of grieving. After his haircut, Uncle Roderick’s ghost no longer haunts him, as the message that he needed to pass on—that Bug should embrace his true gender identity—has been successfully delivered. After spending much of the book avoiding discussion of his feelings, Bug is better able to discuss Roderick with his mother. This signals that he has made significant progress on the road to recovery from bereavement. Bug’s final dream also provides him with a sense of closure. He has the chance to speak to his uncle about his identity, even though he was not able to do so during Roderick’s lifetime. By choosing Roderick’s middle name as his own, Bug is able to keep his uncle with him and honor his legacy.

Sabrina has so far been either unaware of Bug’s experience of being haunted or, at best, skeptical. Roderick’s ghost did not have any important message to communicate to her. That changes when she finds the locket on her bed. Even if she is not yet convinced that ghosts exist, she has experienced her first real evidence of a haunting in the form of her brother’s goodbye. For Bug, an end to the haunting signals acceptance. For Sabrina, it is the opposite: A brief supernatural experience helps her understand that her brother is now at peace, and helps with her own acceptance.

These chapters also see Bug accepting his transgender identity. For Bug, the realization that he is a trans boy hits consciously all at once when he sees himself with a buzz cut. He spent some time questioning his gender prior to this point, but was still thinking of himself as a girl at his birthday party. His realization is both sudden and gradual, as it was transpiring on a subconscious level previously.

When Bug comes out, everyone in his life is accepting and supportive. His mother immediately starts referring to him as her son, Moira feels that Bug makes much more sense as a boy than he did as a girl, and all of Bug’s former classmates are kind and welcoming when he tells them that he is a boy. A potential critique is that this is unrealistic. Anti-trans sentiments remain widespread, and coming out, particularly as a young person, can put trans people in a vulnerable situation. For some trans people, Bug’s experience may resonate, particularly as transgender identities become more widely understood.

Bug’s experience is also ideal in terms of his school’s support system. Although he is the first out trans student at his middle school, the principal understands what it means to be trans and is prepared to offer the kinds of support necessary for Bug to thrive. For example, she mentions that no teachers will share Bug’s legal name, allowing him to embrace his identity as a boy. This reflects how a trans person’s new name should be used rather than the old one: “When someone uses [a trans person’s] old name after being asked not to, that is what we call ‘deadnaming,’” says Jason Lambrese, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at the Cleveland Clinic. “The person who they once were is dead, but the new person is alive, so their current name should be used” (“Why Deadnaming Is Harmful.” Cleveland Clinic, 2021).

The principal also says that Bug can use whatever bathroom he likes. This reflects how bathroom access is another particularly important issue for trans people, both in schools and in other public spaces. Many trans people have to make judgment calls about which bathroom will be safer for them to enter. In some states, discriminatory laws have been put in place that restrict trans people’s bathroom access. These laws can put already vulnerable trans people in danger of discrimination and violence in public spaces. 

Bug makes important steps toward maturity and growth. He and Moira are able to talk openly about their differences for the first time, ultimately coming to a much more positive understanding. Coming out as trans also allows Bug to open himself up to new friendships, something he struggled with in the past. He realizes that people are not always judging him harshly, and accept him for who he is. His understanding of himself and his gender allows him to access greater self-confidence.

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