They Both Die at the End

“Because I refused to live invincibly on all the days I didn’t get an alert, I wasted all those yesterdays and am completely out of tomorrows.”

Mateo mourns that he no longer has a “tomorrow” and wasted his life living safely and not “invincibly.” Over the course of the novel, however, Mateo realizes that it is possible to improve the quality of one’s entire life, by living 24 hours to the fullest.

“But I’m not hard. I’ve barely been able to live with myself for surviving something my family didn’t—something that wasn’t even my fault. There’s no way in hell I would’ve been chill with myself for beating someone to death.” 

At this point in the novel, it is unclear if Rufus is a “good” or “bad” character. As Rufus clarifies in this passage, while he presents as “hard,” he is not an evil or bad person, and he certainly would not have been okay with beating Peck to death. He alludes to his guilt over surviving something that his family did not—survivor’s guilt is the main emotion that informs Rufus’ character. 

“I’m not naïve about dying. I know it’s going to happen. But I don’t have to rush into it. I’m buying myself more time.”

Fear has been the primary emotion guiding Mateo’s behavior throughout his life. Fear kept Mateo safe and away from risk, but it also prevented him from living life to the fullest. Even after receiving the call from Death-Cast, Mateo still sees his fear as a strategy for “buying” himself more time, which is an erroneous assumption. 

“He Lived Where He Died: In His Bedroom. What a Waste of a Life. Children Take More Risks Than Him.” 

When Mateo finds out that it is his End Day, he needs to provide an inscription on his headstone to Death-Cast. The first phrases that come to his mind are the three phrases here, all of which indicate that Mateo is unhappy with how he lived his life. Ultimately, Mateo decides on “Here Lies Mateo: He Lived for Everyone.” 

“She steps to the side and points at the bottom of the stairs—at Peck and his wrecked face. The one I said I never wanted to see again as long as I lived.” 

Commonplace phrases like “as long as I live” take on new, heightened meaning in the alternate universe of the novel, especially for a Decker like Rufus. The phrase, “as long as I live,” typically refers to an unknown expanse of time. In Rufus’ case, however, it is certain that he will die at the end of that 24-hour period. These ordinary phrases draw attention to how society often takes mortality for granted. 

“I take photos of the energy in the car: the guy who’s managed to get the attention of the beautiful girl. Twins dancing together. The crushed beer cans and water bottles. And the freaking life of it all.”

While Mateo loses himself and forgets reality via video games, Rufus captures life via social media and cell phone photography. The novel has sub-themes around how technology has deadened our senses and isolated human beings, but the book is not entirely anti-technology. In this instance, for example, Rufus uses his phone to capture the “freaking life of it all,” which is the point of existence—celebrating life. 

“I’m extra wired, wanting to play it, especially as a Decker since it’s about wasted opportunities, empty lives, and time dying. My favorite lyric is ‘One song before I go…’” 

When Mateo leaves the hospital at 4:58 a.m., after just having said his final goodbye to his comatose father, he is feeling “extra wired.” He is in the mood to listen to music and recalls one of his favorite songs from the play Rent, which is set in New York City and follows several LGBT characters of color. Here, Mateo draws his own parallels between his life and the play, which also mirror the major themes in the novel. 

“All the baby books say Penny should be done with formula already, but Penny resists the real stuff. We have that in common.” 

Mateo compares himself to Penny, Lidia’s one-year-old daughter. Mateo resists the “real stuff” by staying indoors, keeping safe and small. This has stunted Mateo’s personal development, so the comparison between him and a toddler is especially apt.

“I don’t pose. I just sit here with my back against the wall, in the spot where I convinced my Last Friend to keep adventuring and where he gave me the idea to add some life to my profile. I don’t even smile. I’ve never been a smiler and starting now feels off. I don’t want them to see a stranger.”

In this passage, Rufus sits for a picture taken by Mateo, so that Rufus can upload the photo to Instagram to share with his friends, letting them know that he is still alive. While many social media posts are staged to some extent, Rufus does not pose for this picture. In the novel, technology is neither good nor bad—it is simply a helpful tool. This passage highlights how Rufus uses technology—in this case, Instagram—for the laudable purpose of trying to communicate a larger truth about himself to the world. 

“I maintain the silence at first because I wanted us to settle in before Rufus explains himself, but the deeper we go into the park, the quieter I get because of pure wonder, especially as we stumble onto a bronze sculpture of characters from Alice in Wonderland.” 

Mateo, despite being a native New Yorker, has never seen the Alice in Wonderland statues in Central Park. Mirroring Alice’s experience in the book, Mateo reacts to the statues as if he has fallen down the rabbit hole into another world. This passage exemplifies how Mateo lived his life prior to meeting Rufus, and how isolated he was from the outside world.  

“In my own Mateo way, I’ve said tons of goodbyes already, to my dad, best friend, and goddaughter, but the most important goodbye is the one I said to Past Mateo, who I left behind at home when my Last Friend accompanied me into a world that has it out for us.”

At the start of Part 3, Mateo proclaims that he is no longer “Past Mateo.” This marks a rebirth for Mateo, who is now on his way to living the life he wants. 

“I keep going and going, hitting the railing because my family is dead, hitting it because my best friends are locked up, hitting it because my ex-girlfriend did us dirty, hitting it because I made a new dope friend and we don’t even have a full day together. I stop, out of breath, like I just want to fight against ten dudes.” 

During this pivotal moment for Rufus’ character, he confronts his unresolved emotions surrounding the death of his parents and sister. Standing alongside the Hudson River, Rufus finally releases the grief harboring within himself. His release takes the form of violence, with him hitting the railing along the pier and feeling as if he wants to fight “ten dudes.” This is consistent with Rufus’ predilection toward violence, when he does not have an outlet for his emotions. 

“I pedal, slowly, feeling the burn in my calves as I carry two people forward; it’s like running up the hill. I find a good rhythm and put the police and corpses and destroyed gym behind us.”

Rufus convinces Mateo to ride on his bike’s pegs, despite Mateo’s fear. In this passage, Rufus carries his weight and Mateo’s, both metaphorically and physically. Rufus has encouraged Mateo to come out of his shell and move his life forward. 

“She doesn’t understand why these Deckers aren’t home with loved ones, particularly those two teen boys today, who, as they were leaving, talked about how underwhelming the virtual reality experience was. It’s wasted time.” 

Deirdre highlights the irony of the virtual reality experience as it pertains to Deckers. She dubs the virtual reality experience “fake memories” and wonders why Deckers do not spend that time with loved ones instead, especially if their virtual reality experience is “underwhelming” compared to real life. 

“We don’t hang up. We could, and should, probably use this time to talk about memories or find things to apologize for in case I can’t keep my promise, but nope, we talk about how Penny just hit herself on the head with a big toy and isn’t crying, like the little soldier she is.”

The book explores the different ways to say goodbye before death, an important aspect of the grieving (and healing) process. In this passage, Mateo has the chance to say goodbye to his best friend, Lidia, but they choose to have a simple, everyday conversation instead of a formal, final goodbye.

“It’s weird how Rufus doesn’t know this is Lidia at her core, how, like I said, she’s a coin constantly flipping. It’s strange how I’ve only known Rufus for a day.”

The sense of intimacy between Mateo and Rufus grows stronger with every passing moment. In this chapter, it seems “strange” to Mateo that Rufus does not know Lidia, because Mateo’s connection to Rufus makes it feel as if they have known each other for a lifetime.

“You don’t need matching DNA for someone to be your brother, Andrade knows this.”

Chapter 61 focuses on the minor character of Officer Ariel Andrade, the policeman who arrested Tagoe and Malcolm. Officer Andrade understands what brotherhood means, especially after experiencing the loss of his partner. This passage also relates to the relationship between Rufus and the Plutos. Despite not sharing DNA, they’ve grown up in foster care together; their bond is just as deep as biological brotherhood. 

“Yes, he gets my name wrong, much like Andrea from Death-Cast so many hours ago it feels like it could’ve been a different day—I’ve lived a lifetime today and this moment is my encore.”

The DJ at Clint’s Graveyard mispronounces Mateo’s name as he calls him to the stage, and Mateo is reminded of how his Death-Cast agent mispronounced his name. Though it has only been about 17 hours, Mateo feels like it has been ages since getting the call. This passage echoes the theme that it is possible to live an entire “lifetime” over the course of just one day.

“The three friends hug, a planet missing from their Pluto Solar System—but never forgotten.”

Outer space references abound in the novel. In this quotation, the Plutos embrace as they mourn Rufus after he departs Clint’s Graveyard, the last time they will ever see him alive. They refer to their friend group as a “solar system.” While a solar system is indeed a unified group of planets, outer space can be seen as a cold and unfeeling place—and, therefore, it is an apt reference for the Plutos, who exist on the fringes of society in the foster care system.

“I’m out of character and Rufus is loving it. I’m loving it too.”

One of the main themes of the novel is transformation. Both Rufus and especially Mateo shed the elements of their personalities that hold them back to live (and subsequently die) without regret. In this chapter, Mateo sings “Your Song” by Elton John to Rufus, something he would have never done before that day. 

“I kiss my Last Friend because the world can’t be against us if it brought us together.” 

Even though both protagonists die at the end of story, the novel is a hopeful tale. Mateo, as noted above, is delighted to have met Rufus at all, which he attributes to a benevolent fate. Though the world seems “against” them in many ways, it is also beautiful for bringing them together. 

“When I switch on the burner, my chest sinks with regret. Even when you know death is coming, the blaze of it all is still sudden.”

This is the moment when Mateo dies, a pivotal moment in the story. Though Mateo knew all along—as the reader knew all along, also—that he would die, Mateo notes that “the blaze of it all” still takes him by surprise. Ironically, Mateo dies in what he thought was a completely safe space: his apartment. 

“Was. Mateo is now a was […] Lidia will keep Mateo alive the only way she can.” 

Here, Lidia accepts that Mateo is dead. She ruminates on the word “was,” as a way of trying to understand that he is gone. She also vows to build the bookcase Mateo bought for Penny to honor his memory and as a way of keeping him alive.