The Secret Lives of Church Ladies

In the short story “Eula,” Philyaw intertwines allusions to Christianity with sexual passion between two adult women. This juxtaposition points to the shame surrounding female sexuality (including queer female sexuality) that stems from growing up in a high-demand religious culture. Eula and Caroletta shower together in their hotel room, and after she steps out, Caroletta wonders if Eula’s bowed, shower-capped head is asking God’s forgiveness for “stepping outside of His favor while she continues to wait on His provision” (2).

Eula has always been a “good girl,” or in her mind, a Christian girl who has never had sex–especially not lesbian sex. Again, the narrator alludes to Christianity, saying that Eula had “committed to praying and waiting for her Boaz, like Ruth in the Bible” (3). In the Bible, the widow Ruth is a poor and selfless woman whose actions are noticed by a man named Boaz, who eventually takes her as his wife. The author places Eula in Ruth’s shoes–a selfless woman waiting for a man to come and take care of her. This is Eula’s plan, to do all of the right things, be in all of the right places, and prepare her life for the man that will come in and marry her someday. She wants this so badly because this scenario is what her church has prepared her for all of her life.

When Eula has the opportunity for genuine love and connection with Caroletta, she passes it up for disingenuous men. Caroletta recounts when she and Eula had plans for Eula’s birthday; she took special care making Eula’s favorite dish–Gumbo–and left out the okra because she knew that Eula didn’t like it. When Eula cancels on Caroletta for a surprise date with a man from Bible study, Caroletta is disappointed but accepts the change of plans. She later receives a call from Eula, venting about running into her date’s estranged wife while at dinner. Yet again, Eula is disappointed and unfulfilled by the man in her life while the person who could really care for her is left behind. Caroletta speculates that Eula finds fault with all of the men she dates because she doesn’t actually want any of them, yet she feels pressure to be with them because of her Christian beliefs.

Less than an hour after experiencing passionate sexual acts with each other, Eula returns to telling Caroletta of her resolve to find a man. Deep down, Eula believes that it is her lack of faith or lack of listening to God and her church leaders that has prevented her from finding a husband (or suppressing her true sexuality). She says, “If I want a godly man, I need to be in the right places” (7). She continually pushes away the happiness and authenticity she feels when she is with Caroletta because she believes that it is wrong in the eyes of God. She wants to be happy, but she won’t allow herself to be happy with Caroletta.

When Eula finds out that Caroletta is not a virgin, she is extremely upset; ironically and naively, she still considers herself a virgin even after all of her sexual acts with Caroletta over the years. This is another sign that Eula has been conditioned by her religion to view different-sex relationships as the only valid and true ones. She cries and says that she just wants to be happy and “normal” (9). Caroletta challenges Eula asking, “normal according to who?” and claims that outdated ideals from the Bible are not what Eula needs to live by to find happiness. Rather than choosing between intimacy and God, Caroletta suggests that God would want Eula to be happy and find pleasure in her life. The author puts forth the option to question God and “the people who [teach a certain] version of God” (10).

The author reframes the intimacy between two women as more than a sexual act. It becomes a spiritual act as well–one that connects them to one another and acts as a prayer to happiness. We see this in the image of Caroletta bowing at the altar, while she’s engaging in a sexual act with Eula.