The Reason I Jump: The Inner Voice of a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy with Autism

Higashida answers the question “How are you writing these sentences?” (19). He explains that he is doing so by means of an “alphabet grid” (19). The alphabet grid, which contains the 40 basic Japanese hiragana symbols, allows Higashida to communicate by pointing directly at the symbols rather than having to write each word out. Thus, the grid allows Higashida to communicate without speaking or writing out text. This has allowed Higashida to escape from some of the isolation previously imposed on him by his nonspeaking autism.

Higashida answers the question “Why do people with autism talk so loudly and weirdly?” (21). He says that the reason for this is because his voice is “like a reflex” over which has no control (21). Instead, it is an uncontrollable reaction to what he has just seen or to memories that come into his mind. However, Higashida says he is aware of how this is off-putting for others and wishes he could talk differently.

Higashida addresses the question “Why do you ask the same questions over and over?” (23). According to Higashida, the reason he repeats even simple questions like “What day is it?” (23) over and over is not because he does not understand the question. Instead, it is because he quickly forgets the question that he has just been asked. This is in part owing to his memory not operating in a linear fashion like most people’s. Instead, as Higashida says, it’s “more like a pool of dots” within which he is trying to locate himself (24). A second reason why he repeats the same questions is that some people with autism enjoy playing with words by repeating them.

Higashida answers the question “Why do you echo questions back at the asker?” (25). He claims that this is not because, or just because, the person with autism does not know how to answer. Rather, it is his way of “sifting through” his memories to find experiences in the past relevant to the present moment and then remembering the appropriate response he made at that time (25). However, adds Higashida, if he cannot find a “useable” past experience (26), he will be unable to answer the initial question and feel despair and pain.

Higashida next addresses the question of why some people with autism continue to do certain things even if they have been told multiple times not to. Higashida says that some people with autism do not do this through choice or through a willful desire to be “naughty” (27). On the contrary, people with autism repeat these actions because they feel compelled to do so, in the same way some have an instinctive reflex that causes them to talk. Higashida says, “It’s as if something that isn’t us is urging us on” (27). Yet, says Higashida, he is aware that he is making others upset because of this and urges people without autism not to give up on him.

Higashida answers the question “Do you find childish language easier to understand?” (29). Higashida says that this impression is created by the fact that people with autism seem to behave younger than they are, or in a childish way. However, he says that children with autism find being treated in this way very frustrating, as it feels like they are being infantilized and denied a future. As such, he implores people without autism to talk with a person with autism in a way that is appropriate to their age.

Higashida explores the question “Why do you speak in that peculiar way?” (33). He acknowledges that some people with autism sometimes “speak with a strange intonation or use language in a different way” compared to people without autism (38). The reason for this difference, he says, is that there is a gap for some people with autism between their thoughts and their speech. Thus, it takes great effort for them to articulate the content of what they want to say, and the way it is spoken is therefore neglected and may come out sounding odd.

Higashida answers the question “Why do you take ages to answer questions?” (35). His explanation is like that given for Question 7, namely that for some people with autism, unlike for people without autism, there is a gap between thinking of a response to a question and then saying it. Worse, he says, some people with autism have often forgotten their response by the time it is their turn to speak.

Higashida assesses the question “Should we listen to every single word you say?” (37). Higashida stresses that he, and some people with autism, sometimes cannot or do not say what they want to say and thus make mistakes even with simple questions. As a result, Higashida urges people without autism to realize that there is more going on inside the person with autism’s head, and that they are feeling more, than they can articulate through speech.

Higashida answers the question “Why can’t you have a proper conversation?” (39). Higashida admits that he does not have a definitive answer to this, saying only that it seems like “verbal junk” comes out of his mouth many times when he wants to speak (39). Likewise, he says, he is not fully in control of his body, and it can veer off in random directions, likening the experience to “remotely controlling a faulty robot” (39). Again, though, Higashida repeats the plea that people without autism try not to judge their peers with autism according to these external appearances.

In this aside from the questions, Higashida explains how many of the problems some children with autism face with communication stem from what he calls “missing words” (41). This happens when, during conversation, some people with autism are unable to access certain words or phrases. Higashida cites the example of a girl who wanted to ask when a school trip was taking place but, due to a lack of words, was unable to do so.

Higashida next explores the question “Why don’t you make eye contact when you’re talking?” (43). The first reason he gives is that it “feels a bit creepy” (43). The second reason is that some people with autism must try so hard to focus on the voice of the other person to understand them that they are unable to concentrate on other things in the interaction, such as eye contact.