The Paper Palace

“The ocean is furious, roaring. It must be carrying a storm in its belly from somewhere out at sea. But here, at the edge of the pond, the air is honey-still. [...] I swim out into the deep, past the water lilies, pushed forward by exhilaration, freedom, and an adrenaline rush of nameless panic.”

In the morning before everyone else is awake, Elle goes to the water in this time of uncertainty in her life. The Back Woods and the pond are significant places for Elle, and the water is a symbol of purgatory. Elle will have to choose a part of herself to live and another part to die when deciding between her husband, Peter, and childhood best friend, Jonas. It’s significant that the novel opens with Elle heading into the water, as water is a symbol of comfort for her.

“And I thought: now there is no turning back. No more regrets for what I haven’t done. I love him, I hate myself; I love myself, I hate him. This is the end of a long story.”

Elle thinks this after finally sleeping with her childhood best friend, Jonas, after years of longing for him. Elle and Jonas have an unrequited love because of her guilt regarding Conrad’s death, and Elle is clearly conflicted. This quote signals that the story isn’t linear; it begins at the end and then recounts the events that led Elle here.

“The shit always builds up, and surviving it is the key, but this I will not learn for many years.”

When Elle is a baby, she has to have a tumor removed, which she says is the shit inside her building up. Elle acknowledges that throughout all of life, there is always a buildup of heartbreaks, mistakes, and regrets; however, Elle learns the important thing is learning how to survive the mess of it all.