The Last Straw

Greg sits on the bench during his second soccer game. It’s cold out, but Dad won’t let Greg get his coat from the car in case Mr. Litch decides to put Greg into the game. Greg’s fellow benchwarmers put on their coats, then wear sleeping bags, and then leave the game to sit in a warm car while Greg shivers on the bench.

Greg runs out of clean underwear and has to wear a speedo as a last resort. During PE, the other boys laugh at him in the locker room. He feels some relief that at least he wasn’t wearing the Wonder Woman Underoos that Uncle Charlie gave him for his birthday.

At the next soccer game, Greg and the other benchwarmers have to play according to a new league rule. Mr. Litch puts them in, expecting them to form a human wall to block a free kick. They jump out of the way, allowing the other team to score. Though Mr. Litch yells at them, Greg does not regret jumping out of the way.

Greg sees an opportunity to reduce his playing time by asking to be back-up goalie, knowing that Mr. Litch will never take Tucker Fox, the team’s current goalie and star player, out of the game. The plan works until Tucker injures his hand and Greg has to go in. Greg’s dad excitedly coaches him from the sideline and keeps him from distractedly picking dandelions.

Greg is relieved that his dad doesn’t attend the next game because the team loses. Greg tries to cheer up the team, but they pelt him with orange peels. At home, Greg tells his dad about the loss. Dad is disappointed but gets over it quickly. The next day, Dad’s boss shows him a newspaper article about how Greg let in a goal because he was playing with dandelions. Greg admits that he didn’t tell his dad the whole truth.

After Dad plays a prank on Mom that doesn’t go over well, Dad gets out of the house by taking Greg and Rodrick to the movies. Greg is surprised to see Lenwood Heath, the bad teenager from their neighborhood, selling movie tickets. Lenwood went to Spag Union Military Academy and turned his behavior around. Greg worries that his dad will look into military school.

Dad announces that he is sending Greg to military school starting in June. Greg dreads getting bullied by older kids and feels self-conscious about the open showers. He thinks about how he can’t even bring himself to use the bathroom at school unless it’s empty. Greg enlists help from his mom, but she thinks that he will look “handsome” in the uniform.

Greg comes up with a new plan to impress his dad by joining the Boy Scouts. He sees it as an opportunity to both quit soccer and gain some additional respect at school. Greg tricks his dad into signing him up for the nearby troop with a reputation for being easy.

Rowley signs up for Boy Scouts as well. Greg and Rowley start working on their whittling merit badge. When Rowley gets a splinter, the scoutmaster suggests that they try carving soap. Greg discovers a shortcut and wets the soap, mushing it into a shape instead of carving. Greg and Rowley get away with it and earn their badge. Greg’s dad is impressed.