The Idea of You

“He said nothing as he slid his fingers in between mine, squeezing my hand. The intimacy of the gesture threw me. I had not held a man’s hand since Daniel’s, and Hayes’s felt foreign. Large, smooth, capable; the coolness of an unexpected ring.”

On their first date, Solène and Hayes meet for lunch and feel a deep sense of connection. Hayes’s act of holding Solène’s hand surprises her and signals the intimacy that develops in their relationship almost instantaneously. This sentence is the first that sets up Hayes in direct contrast to Daniel, and the sensual physical description of Hayes’s hand prefigures the tumultuous, passionate relationship that will follow. 

“For a moment, he held my gaze and I felt that distinct rush. The realization that this attraction had ceased to be just physical. That somewhere I’d crossed over. That I liked him.”

In New York, Solène meets up with Hayes at his hotel and recognizes that her attraction to Hayes is both emotional and sexual. Despite her attempts to keep their relationship casual, early on, Solène struggles with her intense connection with Hayes. As they relationship progresses, Solène grapples with the intensity of her feelings and with her responsibilities as a business owner and mother. The simple matter-of-fact, observational sentences with which Solène describes her own feelings shows her tight sense of self-control and watchfulness over her emotions.

“But here, in the intimacy of a hotel bar, I didn’t feel any of the anxiety I had while searching the Internet. I did not feel as if I were sharing him with his twenty-two million Twitter followers. Here, tonight, in this space, he was mine. He’d made that clear.”

Solène and Hayes go out on a date at a New York bar. Aware of Hayes’s massive celebrity status, Solène wavers between her natural feelings for Hayes and her concern over his lack of privacy as a celebrity figure. Despite her logical arguments against pursuing a relationship with Hayes, Solène allows herself to develop a relationship with him and is able to cherish their private moments. The sense of privacy and trust between them here is important to the significance of their relationship and the reader’s belief in it as deeply meaningful.

“‘And don’t let the rock star rubbish get to you,’ he said, lying down again. “Because it’s not real, it’s crap. It’s like this idea and it’s not who I am and…I’m always going to be real with you, okay?’”

After their first sexual encounter in New York, Hayes attempts to calm Solène down when she begins to panic. Through Hayes’s consolation of Solène, Lee alludes to the title of the novel and this plays into the theme of Reality Versus Fantasy. Hayes refers to his celebrity status as “this idea”, a fantasy that separates his celebrity persona from his true self, which he pledges always to present to Solène. Throughout the novel, Lee explores the fantasy of celebrity connection with the reality of true human connection.

“But it did not feel okay. The panting, painted faces pressing up against the window, desperate, deranged. Was this what his life was like? All the time?”

On a trip from New York to the Hamptons, Solène observes the desperation of August Moon’s fans as they surround their vehicle. Lee’s word choice of “desperate” and “deranged” conveys the aggressive and frenzied nature of the band’s fans. The inclusion of rhetorical questions communicates Solène’s internal questioning of Hayes’s celebrity and its cost for her. Through Solène’s relationship with Hayes, Lee documents the realities of celebrity life and the dangers it poses for celebrity figures and those they love.

“Because if I allowed myself to entertain any of the numerous paths I thought he might be taking in his head, I most likely would have asked him to leave and not ever come back. I could not stomach the weight of that just yet. The idea that with us there could be no happy ending.”

This comment comes after Hayes observes a photo of Solène previously pregnant: He reaches out to touch her stomach, which leads Solène to react harshly. The use of pregnancy imagery, “I could not stomach the weight,” links these pressures directly. The differences in their time of life and hopes for the future are exposed. This section prefigures the ending of the novel: There is no happy ending for them, but Solène and Hayes will delay the inevitable for as long as possible.

“After, when he’d collapsed atop me and I was once again lying with my face on the cool rosewood, so close I could count the striations in the buffed grain, I had the realization: this was what it was like to be fucked, on art.”

After Hayes gifts Solène a piece of art, they have passionate sex without protection for the first time. Through her relationship with Hayes, Solène begins to experience an exciting life of passion that she has not felt before. Their relationship awakens Solène to a new way of living that brings her immense happiness and the fulfillment for which she has been longing. The use of obscenity points out the physicality of their relationship and the virility of a younger man.

“And once again I was reminded why I loved what I did. Because to be surrounded by such varied, intriguing types—to be a part of a community where it was admired for bending, nay, expected to bend the rules—was, for me, to be at home.”

At the art fair in Paris, Solène comments on her love of art and how it inspires her to break free from society’s standards. Solène’s passion for art drives her to maintain her independence despite her growing love for Hayes and her job’s contribution to the dissolution of her marriage. Through detailed descriptions of various art pieces and Solène’s love of art, Lee symbolizes Solène’s deep need for independence from her relationships and from society’s expectations of her as a wife, mother, and woman. She does, however, still wish to feel “at home.”

“He drifted off for a second, and when I kissed him, he whispered, ‘I’m falling in love with you. I’m just going to put that out there, because I can. Because you told me I couldn’t if I was sleeping with anyone else, and I’m not, so there you have it.’”

After their dinner with friends in Paris, Solène and Hayes make passionate love, and Hayes confesses his love. Throughout their relationship, Hayes struggles with Solène’s hesitation to express her love for him and commit herself to their relationship. Hayes’s openness slowly inspires Solène to become more vulnerable. Despite the ultimate end of their relationship, Hayes’s impact on Solène heals her from her broken marriage and teaches her the power of love. 

“I turned forty. And the world did not end. The firmament did not move. Gravity did not suddenly forsake me. My breasts, my ass, my eyelids were all pretty much where I’d left them the night before. As was my lover. In our big, big bed, his head on my pillow, his arm draped over my waist, clinging. As if maybe he were afraid to let me go.”

Solène celebrates her 40th birthday in Paris with Hayes. A symbol of her aging, Solène’s birthday compels her to contemplate Society’s Disregard for Aging Women who are no longer considered desirable. Through Solène, Lee criticizes society’s view of older women by crafting a middle-aged protagonist who engages in adventurous sex and elicits sexual desire from the men around her. 

“There were so many things I wanted to teach her. That being a mother did not have to mean no longer being a woman. That she could continue to live outside the lines. That forty was not the end. That there was more joy to be had. That there was an Act II, an Act III, an Act IV if she wanted it…But at thirteen, I imagined, she did not care. I imagined she just wanted to feel safe.”

After Isabelle comments on how Solène does not look like other mothers, Solène contemplates the implications of Isabelle’s comments. She expresses a desire to help Isabelle broaden her understanding of what a mother looks like. Solène’s journey toward greater self-expression and independence represents her rebellion against society’s limited understanding of womanhood. While society promotes a view of women as valuable only before motherhood and aging, Solène redefines womanhood through her self-development.

“Hayes was holding my hand beneath the table. He squeezed it suddenly, and I looked over to him, wondering what it was he’d read on my face. The uncertainty of it all. The idea that my own invisibility might be around the corner. Around the block. Miles away. But still, inevitable.”

At dinner in Miami, Solène and her colleagues discuss the work of an artist whose work explores the way society deems women undesirable after a certain age. The topic of discussion strikes Solène as she contemplates her own impending loss of desirability in society’s eyes. Throughout the novel, Solène explores her advancing age and the ways she attempts to rebel against society’s standards of beauty and sexuality. 

“So am I. But I’m all right with that. If I get hurt, I get hurt. It happens, right? Someone always gets hurt. But I don’t want to miss out on us because I was afraid.”

After encountering Hayes’s ex-lover in Miami, Solène attempts to distance herself from Hayes out of fear while Hayes pledges his commitment to Solène. As the novel progresses, Solène fights her growing love for Hayes out of a deep fear of losing him. Through her relationship with Hayes, Solène learns to allow herself to be vulnerable despite the pain that accompanies relationships.

“‘I think aging is hard for everyone.’ Amara swiped a red bliss potato with crème fraîche and caviar off a passing tray. ‘But it’s definitely harder for women. And I think even more so for beautiful women. Because if so much of your identity and your value is tied up in your looks and how the world responds to your physical appearance, what do you do when that changes? How do you see yourself then? Who do you become?’” 

In New York, Solène’s friend Amara discusses the difficulties of aging for women. Amara notes the double standard for women whom society values only when desirable and young. Through Amara, Lee poses rhetorical questions regarding the identity crises women endure when aging and losing their value in society’s eyes. Amara’s thoughts mirror Solène’s deepest fears and elucidate the struggles faced by aging women in search of fulfillment in a world that disregards them.

“It’s art. And it makes people happy. And that’s a very good thing. We have this problem in our culture. We take art that appeals to women—film, books, music—and we undervalue it. We assume it can’t be high art. Especially if it’s not dark and tortured and wailing. And it follows that much of that art is created by other women, and so we undervalue them as well. We wrap it up in a pretty pink package and resist calling it art.”

After the film premiere of August Moon’s documentary, Solène congratulates Hayes and encourages him to consider himself a real artist. An art expert, Solène discusses how society deems art created by or for women as of lesser value than more serious art forms. Lee also emphasizes the purpose of art to evoke emotional responses from an audience. Throughout the novel, Solène reconnects with her passion for art and embraces the emotional impact it has on her while fighting for equal representation in art for women and, particularly, women of color.

“To my mother, falling in love was a bad thing. Not because I could get hurt, but because, to her, I was giving up my power. What a bizarre notion that was. That I could not completely open my heart and still be strong. That I was no longer in control of the relationship if I wasn’t in control of my feelings. And as if any of that actually mattered.”

Over Christmas, Solène confides in her mother about her relationship with Hayes. In response, her mother criticizes her for falling in love with Hayes and equates falling in love with a loss of power. Solène’s parents and her upbringing impact her throughout the novel as she struggles to accept her powerful feelings for Hayes. Through their relationship and her growing vulnerability, Solène breaks away from her parents’ influence and allows herself to embrace love fully.

“But he could not, because he was not a parent. Because he was a celebrity, and in some strange way he’d asked for this. Or at the very least, he was prepared for it. It was not out of the realm of normalcy for him. This intrusion, this parasitic creature that fed off of him and every little thing he did and broadcasted it for the masses. This fandom that leeched.”

When the press releases a photo of Solène and Hayes in an intimate moment, Solène grapples with the loss of her privacy due to her relationship with Hayes. She refers to Hayes’s fandom as a “parasitic creature” that “leeched” and threatened to destroy any semblance of privacy. The complexities of Hayes’s celebrity contribute to Solène’s ultimate decision to end her relationship with Hayes and choose a life of normalcy for herself and her daughter, showing why parenthood is important to her feelings here.

“I laughed. ‘I was just making sure it was you, and not the idea of you.’”

When Solène tells Hayes that she loves him in Aspen, Solène and Hayes joke about her hesitancy to confess her love for him. She references Hayes’s commentary on their first night together regarding the reality versus the fantasy of him. This allusion to the title continues throughout the novel as Solène continues to waver in her decision to end her relationship with Hayes. As she learns more about the reality of Hayes’s life, she reconciles the discrepancies with the fantasy of him.

“Love, she said, was not always perfect, and not exactly how you expected it to be. But when it descended upon you, there was no controlling it.”

Solène calls her mother after receiving a disturbing package from one of Hayes’s fans. The decision to call her mother and disclose her deepest feelings is atypical of Solène in her relationship with her mother. Her relationship with Hayes bridges the lack of understanding Solène expresses she has felt throughout her life. Solène’s mother’s advice about the power of love conveys the transformative power love has on Solène’s life as her relationship with Hayes grows deeper and she allows herself to be more vulnerable than ever before. This deepening of a generational female bond mirrors Solène’s relationship with Anabelle, both at the present moment and into the future.

“And suffice it to say, the things they said—the fans especially—were not kind. Biting, caustic, insulting, offensive. Sexist, ageist, awful. I had to wonder which of these things Isabelle’s friends were repeating to her. And how long she could attempt to ignore it. Because, I gathered, she could only internalize it for so long before it destroyed her.”

After Isabelle discloses that her friends have been teasing her about her mother’s relationship with Hayes, Solène rejects Hayes’s advice and decides to read the public’s commentary about their relationship. Disappointed by the caustic nature of the comments, Solène worries about the impact these comments will have on Isabelle. Ultimately, it is Isabelle’s struggle with these comments that compels Solène to end her relationship with Hayes and choose a life of normalcy for herself despite the sacrifice of true love. 

“There was shoving and pushing and pulling and the feeling of the world closing in on me, the fear of asphyxiation. And then finally we made it into the car. And still I did not feel safe. Our driver was yelling, ‘Sagattute! Sagattute! Move back!’ They were banging on the windows, hard.”

While on tour with Hayes in Japan, Solène again experiences the aggressive nature of the August Moon fans. Through Solène’s observations, Lee encapsulates the dangerous lives led by celebrities whose fame threatens to harm them mentally, emotionally, and even physically. This passage is likely to remind readers of the iconic death of Diana, Princess of Wales. The reality of Hayes’s celebrity continues to take a toll on Solène and forces her to confront her most difficult decision to walk away from her deep love for Hayes for the safety and sanity of her family. 

“You. You let me unfold you.”

On her last day before leaving Japan, Solène ends her relationship with Hayes. When she asks Hayes how their relationship reached this point of deep connection, Hayes comments on Solène’s vulnerability with him, which allowed the two to develop a deeper emotional connection. Despite the end of their relationship, Lee highlights the transformative power of love to teach one to find strength in vulnerability and empowerment in self-advocacy. 

“‘Love is this very precious thing, Izz. It’s this precious, magical thing. But it’s not finite. There’s not a limited amount of it out there. You just have to be open to allowing it to find you. Allowing it to happen.’ I was not entirely sure that I believed this, but I needed her to.”

In the aftermath of her break-up with Hayes, Solène teaches Isabelle about the transformative power of love. Despite her heartbreak, Solène maintains gratitude for her relationship with Hayes and expresses that gratitude to Isabelle as a means of preparing her for life’s struggles. Lee parallels Solène’s conversation with Isabelle with her conversation with her own mother who warned her about falling in love. Through her relationship with Hayes, Solène gains a new outlook on vulnerability and breaks free from her parents’ influence to become her own person.