The Husbands: A Novel

“Hayden looks to Nora. She used to like that, the way he defers to her, always waiting for her to take the lead. It seemed so modern of him.”

Nora used to think that Hayden’s deference to her when answering questions about their schedule or household was his way of privileging her response. She realizes that he actually does it because he doesn’t know the family schedule or do the household work, so he cannot confidently answer questions about them. Hayden expects Nora to answer such questions because he—unconsciously or not—thinks of certain tasks as her responsibility.

“Everyone knows how vital her work is. Or at least that’s what she tells herself.”

Nora tells herself many things to maintain some level of satisfaction with her life. The fact that she’s aware of this self-delusion doesn’t prevent her from engaging in it. When she tells herself that people value her work, it feels easier for her to do it. When she tells herself that Sylvia Lamb sounds like a conspiracy theorist, this makes it easier for Nora to ignore her own concerns. Her need to justify and selectively forget things that might cause her more unhappiness shows how desperate she is to maintain control over her own life and choices.

“She knows nothing about cars. It’s one of the more pathetically unfeminist things about her.”

Nora has a complicated relationship with feminism. While she is a feminist who believes that women should have equal rights and opportunities, her feminism also persuades her that she should be able to calmly balance her personal and professional responsibilities. Instead, she feels constantly on the edge of disaster. She thinks, as a feminist, that she ought to understand cars—a subject commonly associated with men—but she does not have time to learn. Feminism, for Nora, makes her think she should never need a man’s help, but her real-life responsibilities and 21st-century society’s heightened expectations of mothers mean that she does need help. This tension adds to her feelings of inadequacy.

“She has friends. Unfortunately, these days they feel more like the ‘long-lost’ variety. She knows—she knows—she’s supposed to make time for herself. She should get her nails done and have wine night and attend book club, but nobody has told her when precisely she’s supposed to do those things.”

This highlights the tension between society’s expectations of mothers and Nora’s reality. She’s supposed to be able to maintain a social life and hobbies that fulfilled her in addition to keeping up with the demands of motherhood and her profession. The fact that she is too exhausted and busy to do so makes her feel like a failure. It also sets the stage for her to ignore the red flags about the Dynasty Ranch wives because they seem to be able to manage this, and she feels their support would enable her to do so as well.

“Nora registers the squeeze, the way these two accomplished women sit side by side in this thick part of life.”

Nora is hyperaware of the friendship and support Cornelia and Thea share. Despite their careers and families, they have developed an easy rapport that Nora craves. The textural metaphor suggested by the phrase “thick part of life” emphasizes the overwhelming number of responsibilities that affect women in middle age—including caring for their parents and their children—and how much more is expected of them than women in other stages of life, who are likely to have fewer responsibilities.

“The things she loves and those that drive her to madness are the exact same.”

This phrasing suggests the paradoxical feelings that exhaust Nora. She loves her family and her work, but their demands also cause her to feel out of control. This contradiction leads to feelings of guilt, such as when Nora mentions Hayden’s disappearances, which cause her to lash out. Afterwards, she is always contrite, reminding herself that he’s a good man and that she doesn’t want to destroy their relationship. His disappearances are never explained, and this creates another source of tension in their relationship.

“‘Why is helping around the house only considered helping me?’ She avoids her reflection in the mirror.”

Nora’s unwillingness to look herself in the mirror when she points out Hayden’s word choice is a physical indication that she’s unhappy with herself. She feels guilty for bringing up the topic that always causes arguments and discord in their relationship. Her guilt is connected to his response and to how thoroughly she has internalized society’s expectations of working moms. If the consistent message is that she should be able to handle everything on her plate with ease, then the knowledge that she doesn’t feels like another strike against her.

“She shoves him gently and before she knows it they’re having sex. The good kind. And she is feeling so grateful that she still likes having sex with her husband and that he is not, in fact, an asshole and that everything is mostly, mostly fine.”

Nora tells herself that “everything is mostly, mostly fine” because it’s easier than dealing with society’s unreasonable expectations or her own feelings of inadequacy. She can hardly change society, and, if introspection results in more guilt, then why would she look deeper? Nora reminds herself that her husband is a good guy and that she ought to be grateful for their continued intimacy, trying to ignore their problems and her negative self-talk.

“Nora can’t speak for a moment because of the absolutely absurd clog of emotion in her throat. Most days it feels like she’s falling behind on so many fronts that no one could possibly be anything but vaguely disappointed in her.”

Praise is so rare for Nora that, when Alexis compliments her, she chokes up. She feels like a disappointment at work and at home, so to have a brilliant, successful woman like Alexis commend her for her successes—especially when she lacks the support of a mother or close friends—feels like someone finally recognizes Nora’s commitment and perseverance.

“Nora thanks him, glad to have at least one person on her side.”

This quotation, especially so soon after Nora’s emotional response to Alexis’s praise, is very indicative of how isolated she feels. She feels as though Dave, her fire expert, is the one person with whom she has regular interaction to be on her side: not Hayden, Andi, nor Gary. Nora’s loneliness and sense of invisibility are highlighted by the idea that no one who ought to be aware of her contributions and work actually is.

“Nora can think back to years past when she’s had similar conversations at similar parties. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. That sort of thing. Each side ganging up on the other, again, totally kidding, but also completely not.”

The Dynasty Ranch dinner party stands in such stark contrast to every other gathering Nora has attended because the other husbands don’t agree with hers. Their experience highlights the typical tension between mothers and fathers, where mothers accuse fathers of not doing enough and fathers accuse mothers of failing to credit them for what they do. The commonness of this conflict highlights the Spanglers’ experience as a near-universal, social problem rather than an individual one.

“Come on. I can’t skip out on work, Nora. I’m sorry. I wish I could help. Really, you know I do […] I’ve got to run. Text me how it goes.”

Hayden’s casual abdication of responsibility for their daughter when Nora has competing work demands emphasizes his belief that she is ultimately accountable for childrearing. He tells her to ask him for help when she needs it, but when she does, he says he can’t—even though dinner with coworkers seems less pressing than the work Gary expects Nora to do. Hayden’s response underscores the way Society’s Gender-Based Double Standards can influence even husbands who consciously believe they are 50/50 partners in marriage.

“[P]art of her wants to murder feminism itself. Somebody, please, hand her the knife, and Nora will be happy to stab that saucy bitch straight in the back. The traitor!”

Nora is so relieved to be “saved” by Cameron when Hayden abandons responsibility for Liv that she personifies feminism as a “bitch” who has betrayed her. Feminism’s promise—that women can and should have it all if they want—inspires Nora to launch a career and start a family while making her feel deficient because she is unable to balance both and be happy.

“It’s all right to notice how nice it is to have good friends to rally around you in a time of need […] So that’s what Nora sees. And who can blame her? Because Nora is also experiencing a time of need […] and it’s occurring to her that perhaps what she needs most of all is friends.”

Nora’s isolation is highlighted by her lack of and desire for friends. The absence of physical and emotional support is so damaging that it compels her to see and recall only the good things about the Dynasty Ranch wives and to overlook their inconsistencies and her own concerns. Even when Cornelia asks a question that appears to suggest that Lucy is responsible for Ed’s apparent abuse, Nora doesn’t question it beyond her initial surprise because the women’s support of Lucy is so apparent. Nora deludes herself with the promise of friendship rather than acknowledging that all may not be as it seems.

“He always does this, convinces her that it’s only fair to talk about a specific instance, turning her argument small and contextless.”

This line indicates the breakdown of Nora and Hayden’s communication. She takes issue with his pattern of behavior; the pattern is the problem. If Hayden’s failure to take responsibility were occasional, it wouldn’t be an issue for Nora. However, because he encourages her to limit their conflicts to discussions of a single instance, he feels like she overreacts to trivial moments and forgets everything else he does. Nora believes she’s communicating clearly, another inaccurate line of self-talk, but her belief that she’s a great communicator prevents her from trying to find more effective ways to address their problems.

“I want him to know what needs doing. Just like I do […] He’s just as capable as I am of doing any of these things, of holding them in his head. So why doesn’t he?”

Nora says these things to Cornelia, never to Hayden. In fact, Nora explicitly admits to holding back when it occurs to her to talk to him like this—like when Hayden claims he can’t buy Liv’s shoes because he doesn’t know her size—creating further resentment. It’s possible Hayden would respond differently to Nora’s criticism had she been this direct earlier. Instead, she makes jokes (that have an undercurrent of seriousness) about having to pick up his socks in the living room, for example, which don’t convey the heart of the problem and only make him defensive.

“And here it is again: a creeping sensation that crawls over her scalp, a sinking in her gut, a vibration in her bones telling her to watch out, something’s not right and if only she pays attention, maybe this time she’ll be able to stop it.”

These vivid tactile and organic images relating to Nora’s body are worthy of her attention, especially because her raised blood pressure is an indication that her body tells the truth even when her mind does not. This description emphasizes the accuracy of Nora’s intuition, and her equally strong ability to convince herself otherwise when the possibility of unpleasantness or discomfort exists. The Persistence of Marriage Inequality and Society’s Gender-Based Double Standards are so harmful and pervasive that they persuade Nora not to trust herself, perhaps the most damaging effect of all.

“Nora doesn’t have to worry about National Teachers Day today. Hayden made Rice Krispie treats. He read the back of the box.”

The matter-of-fact tone shows that fathers are more than capable of figuring things out when they are not permitted to become “lazy travelers.” It’s common sense. Hayden read the recipe on the box to figure out how to make the snack, which is exactly what Nora would have done. The relief from not having to worry about the day, and from knowing that she was right about her husband being a capable human, just like her, feels like a revelation, though it probably shouldn’t.

“Smoothness. That’s what Nora’s begun to feel in her life.”

The textural metaphor in which Nora’s life is compared to something smooth to the touch emphasizes how different her life feels—emotionally—since beginning therapy. Things are so much easier for her when Hayden manages the household, when he praises her instead of expressing disappointment. The lack of emotional friction in her life is suggested by the tactile sensation of fingers moving across a polished, even surface.

“Nora feels like she’s confessed her sins and come out on the other side redeemed. Born again. Her husband having at last taken up the cross of their shared life in earnest. Hallelujah.”

This allusion to the story of Jesus literally carrying his own cross translates to the figurative weight of a heavy burden, highlighting the relief Nora feels when she is relieved of the burden of household responsibility. However, the implication that Hayden is now bearing that burden—a Christ-like victim of unjust persecution and corrupt leadership—renders him more sympathetic, especially when the truth about Dynasty Ranch is revealed.

“And there it is. Nora betrayed Penny. She should have seen. She might have seen, but she didn’t want to. Because there is a part of her—not just of her, but of every single woman—that is like them.”

This line represents the culmination of Nora’s willful self-delusion, her way of coping with the social isolation and feelings of inadequacy inspired by modern motherhood. She allows herself to recognize the ugly truth: that she is tempted by the impulse to assume control of her life via her husband, like Cornelia and the other wives, because it is a level of control often denied women.

“‘I want nothing to do with this.’ She won’t think about what she’s giving up. It’s a no-brainer. Nora wants to quit these women.”

Faced with a moral dilemma, Nora doesn’t tell herself any stories that would allow her to ignore the facts. She listens to her intuition—finally—and trusts herself to make the right decision: to refuse to disempower Hayden and deny him agency and opportunity, despite how much more control if would give her in her own life. This makes her return to using mind control on Hayden in the end even more dystopian.

“She imagines a place, a place where there are wives everywhere, yes, but instead of waking up in the morning already overwhelmed by the full weight of their household’s duties, they do half and feel in control, they shop alone, they accept positions that require work travel, […] they come home to clean houses and to-do lists in their husbands’ handwriting, they remember their great idea for that new marketing campaign, […] figure out the meaning of life.”

Nora’s acceptance of the fact that what she wants is to feel in control underwrites her decision to use the gold pen. During the two years between the final chapter and the epilogue, the Spanglers’ life returns to pre-Dynasty Ranch “normal,” which, as Nora points out, is never the version of normal she tells herself is sure to materialize soon. In this description, she paints the picture of a different “normal,” one that benefits rather than disadvantages her, and she uses this picture to justify assuming control over Hayden, recalling the narrator’s strategy in the unnamed prologue.