The House We Grew Up In

Colin is Lorelei’s husband and works as a college lecturer before retiring and traveling the world. As Lorelei’s husband, he is a static character. He is patient to the point of being passive and prefers to keep the peace rather than rock the boat. After he leaves, his character changes dramatically. His appearance shifts from gangly, boyish, with floppy hair and owlish round-framed glasses to deeply tanned and tattooed. While he joins Rory in Thailand and enjoys spending time with his bohemian son, he does not lose sight of things and warns that Owen is dangerous to be around. Colin ends up fulfilling his desire to be a partner and parent by beginning a relationship with Kayleigh, Rory’s ex-girlfriend, and raising their child Tia together in Spain. While this decision initially seems to be part of Colin’s impulsive midlife behaviors, he develops a serious relationship with Kayleigh and stays with her through the end of the book, implying a strong commitment.

Megan is the oldest of Lorelei and Colin’s children and tends to be called Meg. She and her sister Beth look alike, sharing features with Colin: [a]pple cheeks, high foreheads, wide smiles” (6-7). Megan describes her sister as “Her worst enemy and her best friend” (6). As a child, Megan was the first of the Bird children to realize something was wrong with her mother’s behavior, and she is the first to leave the house. When she does, she keeps a minimalist, excessively clean home in an attempt to create a totally different life.

While characteristics like these make her Lorelei’s foil, they are also alike in important ways. Megan becomes pregnant within six months of meeting Bill and has her first child at age 24. Like Lorelei, Megan has four children—Molly, Alfie, Stanley, and Charlie—and her coping mechanism is creating a different childhood and family dynamic. She finds it difficult to cope with her young children, but as they get older the relationship gets better. In the 2011 chapters, it’s noted that Megan and Molly have a strong relationship, showing how Megan has, in some ways, succeeded in differentiating herself from her mother.

Bethan, called Beth, is Lorelei and Colin’s second eldest. She is more beautiful than her sister with long, black hair and long legs. Her clothing is quirky and mismatched. Beth is passive like her father. She feels responsible for her mother, causing her to live at home until she’s 34.

While Beth is passive, she also has self-destructive tendencies. She has an affair with Bill, Megan’s husband, and she has trouble maintaining relationships. Eventually, she impulsively moves to Australia with a boyfriend. She struggles to define herself outside of the family dynamic and casts about for things to define her. Her character arc doesn’t resolve until she returns home after Lorelei’s death. She has been drinking and being promiscuous, and her pregnancy and reconciliation with her family inspire her to build a new, authentic life for herself. At the end of the book, she gives birth to her first child, Elsa Athena Rose.

Rory is Rhys’s twin brother. The twins are close growing up, but there are distinct differences between them, and Rory gradually distances himself from his brother, viewing him as a “loser.” Rory has an easier time as a popular kid, but he is lost after Rhys dies. He becomes angrier and feels trapped in the family home. Meeting Kayleigh gives him an outside perspective for the first time, prompting him to move away from home. They go to live in a Spanish commune, but their relationship becomes fractured when she becomes pregnant with Tia because Rory feels unable to raise a child. He remarks that he still feels 16, indicating that while his circumstances have changed, he feels static.

With this, he leaves for Thailand, works for Owen at a strip club, and deals drugs. Without a strong sense of self, he takes after Owen, becoming tanned and covering his body with tattoos. Owen frames him for drug dealing, and he spends five years in jail. He becomes a more dynamic character after he gets out of jail and attends a silent meditation retreat, which allows him to confront his trauma for the first time in his life. When he does so, he is able to confront his actions and let go of his guilt. After Lorelei’s death, he returns home and finally reconciles with his family, completing his journey into true maturity.

Rhys is Rory’s twin brother. He was the smallest of Lorelei’s babies, blue and barely able to breathe, and he had to stay in the hospital for three days before being allowed home. His mother worries about him the most. He is a clingy child, finding it difficult to leave his mother’s side, and he doesn’t play with other children. As a child, Megan thinks they’d be better off without him as he doesn’t “match” the rest of the family.

Unlike Rory, Rhys is in the “nerdy” class at school and has no friends. He has a difficult personality, with his brother describing him as “all vinegar and angst. All ‘It’s not fair’ and ‘It wasn’t me’ and ‘Fuck off and leave me alone’” (76). During his teenage years, Rhys spends much of his time staring into space or listening to grunge music in his room. After trying to kiss his mother, he dies by suicide on Easter Sunday. Rhys is a static and flat character—since he has died, there aren’t opportunities to learn his point of view—but the other characters’ traumas revolve around his life and death.

Vicky is the Birds’ next-door neighbor. She has two daughters, Maddy and Sophie. Like Lorelei, she is a maternal figure, but she has a different style. She has dyed blonde hair, a buxom figure, and wears stretchy dresses and a lot of perfume. She meets Lorelei the day Rhys dies and forges an immediate bond with her since her first love, Hazel, also died by suicide.

Eventually, Vicky leaves her husband to move in with Lorelei, with whom she has fallen in love. This causes friction with Megan. Although they are both bossy and have strong opinions, Vicky is scared of Megan, who is 17 years younger than her. She wants to help Lorelei purge some of her belongings, but her tactics like secretly donating her things backfire because they don’t address the root cause of Lorelei’s hoarding. Vicky tries to manage Lorelei’s feelings but ultimately chooses to move out with her daughters. She maintains a friendship with Lorelei until she dies of cancer.

Molly is Meg and Bill’s daughter. She looks like a model with her small nose, tanned legs, and long, honey-colored hair. She wears denim shorts, and her wrists are layered in friendship bracelets and rubber bands. Molly is a relatively minor character, but her presence helps juxtapose Megan’s motherly role with Lorelei’s; the two have developed a strong, loving relationship, and Molly helps Megan cope with the decluttering process.