The Braggart Soldier

Palaestrio enters quietly from the old man’s house, and checks the street, noting that it is empty. He calls for Periplectomenus and Pleusicles. As they discuss the plan, Pleusicles confesses that he is “troubled and tormented” (22) for having involved an old and distinguished man such as Periplectomenus in something so silly. Palaestrio responds, “You’re a novel lover if you blush at doing anything! You’re no lover— – just the palest of shadow of what lovers should be” (23). Offended at the implication that he is too old to participate in their hijinks, Periplectomenus assures Pleusicles that at age 54, he still has all of his faculties and insists, “Try me in a crisis, boy. The more I’m pressed the more you’ll note how I’ll support your love affair” (23).

Pleusicles expresses his gratitude for the old man’s hospitality and help, and Periplectomenus asserts that without family obligations, he does what he pleases. As Periplectomenus begins to make a speech, Palaestrio cuts him off, suggesting that the three of them focus on scheming. Palaestrio sends Periplectomenus to take Pleusicles to the barber for a haircut, requesting that Pleusicles hand over his ring. When asked why, Palaestrio responds cryptically that he needs it because “Master is the wildest wenching wanton man who ever was— – or who ever will be for that matter” (24). Further, Palaestrio tells Periplectomenus to locate an attractive, pleasing woman “who’s got a mind— – she doesn’t need a heart— – no woman has one” (25). Periplectomenus offers that he has a client who is a “luscious, youngish little courtesan” (25).

Palaestrio tells Periplectomenus to bring the courtesan and her maid to his house, disguised as the old man’s wife. He’s to tell the woman to acts as if she is Periplectomenus’s wife while , but lusting after the soldier next door. Palaestrio will deliver the ring to Pyrgopolynices, claiming that the woman sent it as a gift, hoping to start an affair with the soldier. Periplectomenus agrees, claiming that the woman he has in mind and her maid are the perfect duo for this ruse. Palaestrio reminds Pleusicles to remember to call Philocomasium by the name Dicea and to wait for further instructions. Pleusicles repeats the lies to himself, practicing, as he reenters the old man’s house. To the audience, Palaestrio swears that he will return Philocomasium to her rightful place as long asif his co-conspirators remember their parts.

Palaestrio calls for Sceledra, but another slave named Lurcio enters instead, highly intoxicated. Lurcio slurs that Sceledra is sleeping and unavailable. Like Lurcio, Sceledra has been drinking. Lurcio swears that he didn’t serve Sceledra the wine, claiming that he didn’t drink the wine— – he “guzzled it instead” (27). As the steward and substeward, Lurcio and Sceledra, as the steward and substeward, respectively, have access to the wine, unlike other servants. Palaestrio threatens to tell the master, and Lurcio tells the audience that he will run away and hide, begging the audience not to tell Palaestrio where he went. Claiming he is running an errand for Philocomasium, Lurcio beseeches Palaestrio, “Do me a favor, will you? If while I’m away [t]here’s punishment distributed…, please take my share” (28).

Once Lurcio exits, Palaestrio clarifies for the audience that Philocomasium must have orchestrated Lurcio’s errand and Sceledra’s drunken nap so that she is free to pass between the two houses. Periplectomenus returns with the courtesan, Acrotelelutium and her maid, Milphidippa. Periplectomenus has already explained the plot and their role , and asks the two women if they understand. Acrotelelutium replies indignantly, “Now don’t you think I’d be a stupid idiot to undertake an unfamiliar project or to promise you results, if I were unacquainted with the whole technique— – the art of being wicked? […] A layman’s words are little use. Why didn’t I myself, the minute that I drank the smallest drop of your proposal, didn’t I tell you the way the soldier could be swindled?” (28). Acrotelelutium asserts that, “when it’s wickedness or wiles that’s wanted of the woman, why then she’s got a monumentally immortal memory” (29). Perioplectomenus notes that when she is being wicked to the soldier, she would be doing him a favor, which creates a paradox. Acrotelelutium agrees to pretend that she doesn’t know that a man will benefit from her actions.

Palaestrio enters, and describes the plan once again to the women. Acrotelelutium is familiar with the soldier, calling him a “public menace, such a big-mouth, fancy-hairdoed, perfumed lecher” (30), and promises to “make a fancy fool of him” (30). The plan is in action. Palaestrio will bring the ring to Pyrgopolynices, and Milphidippa will approach the soldier as if Acrotelelutium has secretly sent her. Periplectomenus suggests that they all go inside to practice their roles, and AcrotelelutiumAcroteleutium responds, “You’re the slow one” (31).