That's Not My Name

Drew is in class the next day, distracted by thoughts of Lola and the body that was found the day before. The body was not Lola’s, but Drew is too consumed by his thoughts to stay in class. He grabs his things and heads for the door. His teacher, Mr. Moore, stops him and tells him that he should tell the police what really happened, because “[w]e all need a little closure” (68). Drew is angry and hurt. He heads out, passing the school’s art studio, where Autumn is in fashion design class, working with a floral textile. She glares at him. When he passes his locker, he sees that someone—he suspects Autumn—has written “Murderer” on his locker. He storms outside, thinking of the last time he saw Lola. He feels shame and guilt as he remembers her that night, devastated by his words, slamming his car door and walking away. When he reaches the spot where he parked his SUV, he realizes that it is missing. He checks his phone and finds that his dads have been trying to text him to let him know that the sheriff has seized his vehicle. He wonders what evidence the authorities have found that finally allowed them to get a warrant for his vehicle. He turns to begin walking toward the boat launch along the Willamette, looking for a way to burn off his anger and feel a little connection to Lola again. Before he gets too far, a police cruiser pulls up alongside him.

Sheriff Mark Roane calls out to Drew, telling him to get into the car. Drew knows that he can simply tell his fathers that Roane is trying to question him without an adult present and that this will stop Roane for a while, but he wants to find out what prompted the seizure of his SUV. Roane drives him down to the river, parking in the same spot that Drew and Lola were in on the night Lola disappeared. Drew vividly remembers her trusting green eyes and the smattering of freckles across her nose. When Roane tells him that they are searching his SUV for Lola’s blood, Drew is even more upset, and he asks whether they have some evidence that she might be hurt. Roane admits that they have not found any blood in the vehicle, and Drew’s panic turns to anger that Roane is trying to manipulate him into a false confession. He reminds Roane that he has already told him what happened that night—that Lola got into a fight with her parents, that she texted him and he picked her up, they went to Dairy Queen, and then parked by the river. After they talked for a while, she wanted to walk home. After she left his vehicle, Drew never saw her again. Roane says that it is hard to believe Lola would want to walk the three miles back to her house in the dark. He tells Drew that he has new evidence that Drew had something to do with Lola’s disappearance, but he does not say what it is. In a way, Drew does feel responsible for what happened to Lola, because of his own “epic stupidly” (80) that night and Lola’s reaction to it, but he does not want to explain this to Roane. He gets out of Roane’s car and slams the door.

Mary has a much better morning on her second full day at Wayne’s cabin. After her shower, however, she is surprised to find that the new clothes Wayne bought her are far too small. She is disappointed at having to put on another oversized outfit of Wayne’s. She hesitates before asking whether they can go into town to find her some clothes that fit, because she does not want to hurt his feelings. He tells her that he is surprised she wants to go out, since she is such a homebody. After some persuading, Wayne reluctantly agrees, but says that they will have to go some distance because there are not many places to buy clothes nearby. He says that they will go to a small thrift store that they often stop at on their way to the cabin from their home. As they chat about the renovations that Wayne has previously told her are happening at their McMinnville house, she notices that the details of the renovations have changed from the last time he talked about them. She wonders how these now more extensive renovations are going to be done in the short time they are supposed to be at the cabin. They drive the 90 minutes to Waybrooke, a coastal town south of Alton. As they enter the town, he suggests that they stop to get her some makeup so that people don’t see her face with all of its bruises. She can understand why he doesn’t want to be seen with a teenage daughter covered in bruises, but she feels uneasy when he adds “Don’t worry. Nobody will see you” (88).

After Mary uses some foundation to hide her bruises, Wayne drives them to a thrift shop called “Nana’s Favorites.” The outside seems dowdy to her—not like a place she would happily shop at over and over—and the inside is worse. She picks out some clothes, finding that she likes darker colors. As she moves a sweater bearing a sequined cat out of her way, she has a sudden flash of memory: a cat on a red sofa. When she asks Wayne whether they have pets at their McMinnville house, he laughs and says no, because he is allergic. Wayne asks her why she has chosen such dark clothing and tells her that she likes bright colors and florals. He pushes her to add a peach colored top to her stack of clothing and then an elderly woman, Eloise, checks them out. Saying that it is a long drive back to Alton, Mary goes to change into one of the outfits.

As they leave the store, she smells food and realizes she is starving. She asks whether they can stop to have lunch at the nearby diner. He is reluctant, but finally agrees. Mary orders a strawberry smoothie. After they eat, she notices Wayne staring angrily at her shirt. He has just noticed that it is a V-neck, and he reminds her that this style is too revealing and she is to wear crew-necks only. She asks him to tell her more about her life, and as he describes her homeschooling routine, it feels oddly wrong. She is somehow sure that she goes to a regular high school—but she brushes the feeling off, reasoning that she might just be remembering her freshman year, when, Wayne says, she did go to a public school. Wayne explains that he pulled her out of high school because she got involved with a bad crowd who exposed her to inappropriate music and television, partying, and other things he disapproves of. As she listens, she sips at her smoothie. At first, she thinks that the feeling in her throat is remorse for actions she doesn’t even remember—but then she realizes that she is in the middle of another allergic reaction. Wayne gets her into the van and runs across the street for more Benadryl. He apologizes for forgetting that it is strawberries, not eggs, that she is allergic to. As they pull away, Mary sees a woman staring at her from the sidewalk, her eyes wide.

Drew walks home from the boat launch. When he arrives, one of his dads pulls him into a vigorous hug, saying he has been worried about where Drew has been and why he has not been answering his phone. Drew apologizes and explains about school, Roane, and the visit to the boat launch. His father is angry at the sheriff and promises to call Drew’s lawyer. He asks whether Drew needs a ride to school in the morning and then starts trying to get Drew to talk about what he is feeling, but Drew assures him that he is fine. However, Drew is consumed with worry about Lola. Wanting to be alone, he claims to be tired and ready for bed. Before he goes upstairs, his father hands him a bag containing new ink for his printer, so that he can print fliers at home instead of at the library. He is grateful for the support even though he feels he does not deserve it.

Drew is shocked to find Autumn in his room. She tells him that she is searching for clues, and he sees that she has been rummaging through his things. She asks him to explain the whiteboard covered in sticky notes related to Lola’s movements on the day she disappeared. She tells him that she has evidence implicating him in Lola’s disappearance and that she has recently given it to her father. Autumn takes out her phone and plays a voice message: It is Lola, calling Autumn on that last night, on her way home from the boat launch. Lola is very upset, and she tells Autumn that Drew has done something terrible that proves he is a “monster” who never really loved her. Drew, wracked with guilt, falls to his knees. He tells Autumn that the terrible thing he did to Lola was break up with her. He explains that Lola started talking about their future—going to college together, then marriage and children—and he panicked and ended the relationship. Autumn recognizes that Drew is telling the truth, and she asks him what they are going to do to find Lola. Max slides open Drew’s window and enters the bedroom. Having overheard their conversation when he was climbing up, he offers his own help in finding Lola. They agree that the fliers are not having any effect. Autumn suggests asking her father to review the most recent tips that have come in on the department’s tip line, but Drew points out that Roane is not likely to do so just because Autumn asks. Max says that he has a better plan: They should break into the sheriff’s department and listen to the tip line calls themselves.

As Drew is getting ready for his mission with Autumn and Max, his other father checks in on him, giving him a big hug and expressing concern about how Drew is doing. Drew assures his father that he is fine and then sneaks out to meet Max, who is giving him a ride to the sheriff’s department. They pick up Autumn and go over their plan. They will drop Max at the park, where he will call in a tip that will get the deputies out of the station. Drew and Autumn will head to the sheriff’s office and Autumn will distract her father while Drew downloads the recordings from the tip line. Drew is nervous and having second thoughts, but they put their plan into action and soon he is listening to Autumn arguing with her father in the station lobby. While Roane is distracted, Drew slips past unnoticed and goes into the sheriff’s office. He uses the password Autumn has given him and finds the tip line file, which he downloads onto a USB drive. Unfortunately, before he can leave the office, Roane breaks off his conversation with his daughter and returns. Unable to find a way out, Drew slides into the guest chair across from Roane’s desk and affects bored disinterest, as if he has simply been sitting there waiting for Roane to finish his conversation. When Roane enters, Drew smiles at him and casually says, “I hope I’m not interrupting anything, sheriff” (129).

Groggy from the large dose of Benadryl, Mary sleeps most of the way back to the cabin. She is confused about how Wayne could have mixed up what she is allergic to. When they pull into the cabin’s driveway, an elderly neighbor flags Wayne down. Wayne tells Mary to go inside and rest. As she gets out of the van, the man cheerfully introduces himself to them as Ben Hooper, saying that he just wanted to meet them and let them know where he lives in case they ever need anything. He tells Mary that she looks familiar. Wayne hands her the keys and she heads inside. She warms up on the sofa by the fire, starting to feel sleepy again. She hears a thump against the cabin wall and wonders if Wayne is stacking firewood. Suddenly, she has another memory from her past: a woman with long dark hair, wearing scrubs, dropping her purse onto a red couch. She has a feeling that this woman is her mother. When Wayne comes inside, she asks whether her mother was a nurse or a doctor, but he tells her that her mother did not work outside the home. She is disappointed, thinking that the memory must have been of a friend’s mother. Still feeling drowsy and confused, she gets into bed, her eyes resting on Officer Bowman’s card as she drifts into sleep.

The next evening, Mary sits on the swing near the river, holding her uneaten bowl of taco salad. Because she still does not know the extent of her allergies, she is afraid to eat. She is annoyed when Wayne, who always seems to be watching her, calls out to be careful on the swing. She is tired of being cooped up in the cabin all the time and yearns to get out and do something else. When Wayne calls her back inside, she reluctantly goes in to sit on the couch and watch more Netflix, although it is really the last thing she wants to do. When she scrolls to the listing for Ever After, she feels an unexpected surge of emotion. She asks whether she has seen it before, and Wayne tells her that it was one of her mother’s favorites. As they watch, she finds that she actually remembers the dialogue. By the end, she is crying. She has a vivid memory of sitting on a red couch watching this movie with her mother, a woman with long dark hair and freckles across her nose. They joke around and toss popcorn at one another. Suddenly, the memory is gone, but Mary is positive that this memory is a real one. She can remember the woman’s voice, talking to her about boys and friends, scolding her about sneaking out of the house, teaching her to drive. Wayne notices her tears, and she explains that she thinks she remembers her mother. He stiffens and pulls out a photo from his wallet. He tells her that the blond, blue-eyed woman in the picture is her mother. Confused, she pretends that this is the woman in her memory, but she does not know what to think. That night, when she goes into her bedroom to sleep, she feels an urge to lock her door.