Stuntboy, in the Meantime

Zola’s birthday party starts out as a success, attended by Portico and various party guests from the building (each with their own unique superpower and dance moves). Zola’s dad is unable to make it due to work, but Zola spends the afternoon waiting for him to arrive. When Zola’s mother invites Herbert to the party, Zola and Portico are shocked. Zola can’t believe how oblivious her mother is to the way Herbert treats her and Portico. For the first few minutes, Herbert Singletary the Worst becomes “Herbert Singletary the Getter Alonger” (97), but it doesn’t last. When Herbert sees Stuntboy practicing his moves, he pushes him, and Portico lands right on the table of snacks and punch. Even though nobody is mad at Portico, he feels anxious and embarrassed and runs away. Portico tries to seek safety in his parents, but when he gets to his apartment, they are arguing again, this time over a coffee table. Portico retreats to the laundry room instead, where he curls up on top of the dryers and watches Super Space Warriors on TV.

One of Portico’s neighbors, a man named Mr. Mister, comes to do his laundry. Portico notices Mr. Mister washing his shoelaces and wonders why, and Mr. Mister says that he has to take care of them because they’re his—even if they cause him pain now and again. Portico doesn’t understand the metaphor, and when Mr. Mister tells him to ask his parents about it, Portico admits that he can’t because “they always in the mean time these days” (106). Just then, Zola rushes in, worried about Portico. Portico tells Zola about his parents’ most recent fight, and she remembers an episode of Super Space Warriors where Mater and Pater find a square planet. They fight over its name and become too distracted to realize that they are in a trap. When the planet explodes, it almost kills Mater and Pater. Portico thinks about this for a moment and then starts to wonder if his parents are the superheroes or the villains. He dashes home again and dives between his parents and underneath the coffee table. Portico remembers that his parents found the coffee table on the sidewalk when he was little and brought it inside. One day during a storm, Portico hid under the coffee table, and it became his storm shelter. Portico curls up there again now, distraught and frightened as his parents finally stop fighting and notice his distress.

Once a month, Portico’s mother sets up a chair in the lobby, and everyone who wants a free haircut can come get one. Portico loves “Cut Day” because he gets to watch all the drama that unfolds around haircuts. One boy dashes from the chair after a few snips, and another man gets his hair cut in the shape of a castle. The custodial superintendent, who goes by the name Soup, comes for a haircut next. Everyone in the building loves Soup because he’s nice to everyone, cool, and helpful. Portico asks Soup where he got his name, and Soup explains that it’s short for “Superintendent.” Portico can’t believe that he’s in the presence of “a real Super” (130), and he tells Zola, who is equally curious. Portico also can’t believe that Soup so readily announces his superhero identity. When Soup asks Portico whether he plans to cut hair someday like his mom, Portico realizes that he has never really thought about it before, but he likes the idea. Soup tells Portico that he can cut his hair after he practices a few times. When Portico’s dad comes for a haircut, Portico’s mom considers it the perfect chance for Portico’s first practice. Portico is clumsy with the razor and accidentally shaves his father’s head in patches.

Portico goes home to check on his dad and his hair, but he finds his parents arguing again. This time, they are arguing over a special plate that Portico made when he was five years old. The plate shows a painting made by Portico of his family all smiling together. Portico’s parents once again barely notice him, but when he comments on how little attention they’ve paid him lately, they both apologize. The break in tension doesn’t last, and Portico’s mother tells him to leave and go find Zola. Portico goes to Zola’s apartment and finds her inspecting every inch of wall and appliance inside. She explains that she’s looking for a problem so that she has a reason to call Soup to come fix it. That way, she can ask him to teach her how to be a Super. Portico tells Zola about his parents’ latest argument, and she thinks back to an episode of Super Space Warriors in which Pater and Mater are given a piece of the sun by their deceased mother. They argue over who gets to keep it, and their inability to resolve their conflict causes it to drop and hit the earth. The result is an explosion that, again, almost kills them. Panicked upon hearing this, Portico rushes home and dives in between his parents. He kicks the air and accidentally hits the plate, which crashes to the floor.