Staying Fat For Sarah Byrnes

“His gray shirt is buttoned to the top and his dark, baggy pants complete the picture of Death, come calling at your door in the middle of a rainy night.”

Eric’s first encounter with Mr. Byrnes makes it clear that he is a true villain. Unlike other adults that Eric dislikes, such as Mr. Mautz, Mr. Byrnes is frightening, so much so that Eric is stunned into silence in his presence, with no flippant response of the sort he might offer the vice principal. This moment contains some foreshadowing as well, as Mr. Byrnes does later seek Eric out and attempt to kill him.

“For the first time, I ate like more of a pig than I am just to show her that I wouldn’t get svelte and handsome and popular so she’d have to hate me.”

When Eric begins to lose weight due to his participation on the swim team, he feels worried. he wonders how his weight loss will impact his relationship with Sarah. He attempts to stay fat for her, hoping that if he remains heavy then they will still be able to share their outsider status. He worries that she will see his weight loss as a betrayal.

“Dale stares at me as if I’m a dog turd on a plate. ‘You guys seen my old man? Think I can’t tell when someone’s got a nasty pappy? Hell, I seen Sarah Byrnes with her daddy once even before I knew he was kickin’ her ass regular an’ I could tell right off.’”

Because Dale Thornton also lives in an abusive home environment, he can spot the problems in Sarah’s life that Eric cannot see, despite Eric’s closeness to Sarah. Though Eric can tell that Sarah’s father is frightening, the safety of his own home life makes it hard for him to guess what Sarah is really going through.

“Sarah Byrnes is my friend. She was with me when no one else was. In the days of my life when my body embarrassed and humiliated me every time someone laid eyes on me, Sarah Byrnes…walked with me, even ahead of me.”

Eric feels a considerable debt to Sarah. When he felt most alone in life, she was there for him. When he felt most self-conscious and desperate to keep eyes off of him, she walked ahead of him and deflected attention, creating a safer path for him.

“We’ve had some pretty spirited discussions over the past three weeks, about child abuse and women’s rights and racism, among other things, and what’s becoming clear is that most tough problems in the world run into each other.”

In CAT class, Eric comes to see that the issues that he is struggling with—child abuse, spirituality, freedom of speech—are all interrelated. Ms. Lemry encourages them to examine that way these issues overlap, and her focus is always on open-mindedness and critical thinking.

“‘You can’t imagine the emptiness. There’s a piece that isn’t getting talked about in class. Mark took me to the clinic but he dropped me off two blocks away because he thought someone might recognize me.’”

Jody confides in Eric about how difficult it was, having an abortion and feeling utterly alone before, during, and after that experience. Mark Brittian was more concerned with his own reputation than with being there for Jody. She would like the emotional impact of abortion on women recognized as classmates tackle this topic.

“I get used to seeing her boyfriends as these one-dimensional boobs who won’t be around long enough to get to know me anyway. Old Carver might be different. My mom doesn’t look quite so tough around him.”

Like Sarah, Eric’s mom is emotionally guarded. She has been hurt in romantic relationships before, especially with Eric’s father, and is self-protective. Eric notes that Carver doesn’t seem to fit her profile, that there seems to be more depth to him. He might just be a keeper, Eric thinks, foreshadowing the significant role Carver will play in the novel’s conclusion.

“A calmness descended over Virgil Barnes, and when I think back, it was the most chilling part of the whole incident. His face went blank and he nodded slightly.”

Though Eric is no stranger to menacing interactions with adults (since he regularly argues with the school vice principal), he is still taken aback by how calculating Sarah’s father is. When Eric tries to protect Sarah by saying he knows nothing about her condition, Eric is well aware that Mr. Byrnes sees right through him and is willing to wait until Eric finally cracks and gives up Sarah’s secret.

“Dale Thornton is still not a guy I want on my bad side. He has the same nothing to lose look and I’ll never be comfortable around that. But he’s the only person to answer these questions.”

In order to help Sarah, Eric has to face his old middle school bully, Dale Thornton. After all these years, Eric is still uneasy around him. But he knows that only Dale will be able to tell them what exactly has happened to Sarah and where Sarah’s mom might be. Though he would prefer to avoid Dale, Eric is willing to risk the encounter for his friend.

“In the pool this afternoon, I didn’t taunt Brittian, didn’t set up any games with Ellerby to mess with his head; I just kicked his ass. Every time I thought about him crying to Mautz, I just turned up the heat.”

Eric uses swimming practice to get revenge on Mark Brittian. Thinking about Mark’s attempts to get him and Steve Ellerby in trouble makes Eric compete more furiously than ever. While in the past he might have been petty and teased Mark, now he transfers all that energy into swimming.

“Sarah Byrnes has had a big impact on you and her name comes up so often lately that I feel like I know her…I really do want to help and it seems as if the only help is to get her mom back here to tell the true facts. But I’m going to have to follow your lead.”

In a pivotal scene, Ms. Lemry offers her assistance to Eric. She signals her willingness to help Sarah escape her abusive situation, despite the fact that she doesn’t know Sarah. Importantly, she tells Eric that he is in charge. Though she is the adult, he is the most knowledgeable about Sarah and this situation. The plan will be created by the students, not the teacher.

“I promised Sarah Byrnes I’d help—promised Lemry would too—and I don’t even know what help is. I love her but sometimes I wish I never knew her. That doesn’t make me a good friend…I just want it to be simple. But it won’t be.”

The thought of leading the expedition to rescue Sarah is overwhelming. Eric wishes he wasn’t mired down in the situation, so he might just worry about normal teenager stuff (his budding romance, the swim team). But he knows that he has to honor the promise that he made to help Sarah escape her abusive home life. He just wishes he knew what the answer was.

“Mark Brittian is well into the same old happy horseshit he uses to scold the world. Ellerby is following my lead because…Lemry told him that when a fool and a wise man argue it’s sometimes hard for those of us on the outside to tell the difference.”

Mark Brittian continues to proselytize without coming up for air. Eric and Steve Ellerby are tempted to argue with him, but their teacher’s words have given them a sense of restraint. Arguing ceaselessly does not make anyone look wise, Ms. Lemry advises them.

“‘Stop!’ Lemry said with such force that Mautz backed off immediately. ‘I’m not interested in your personal thoughts about suicide, sir, and you have no right to imply that the responsibility for Mark Brittian’s decision lay with members of this class.’”

As always, Ms. Lemry defends her students and their freedom of expression. When the vice principal storms into her classroom, ready to blame other students for Mark’s decision to try and end his life, she refuses to allow Mr. Mautz to do so. She is adamant that both students and open debates not be scapegoated.

“‘I want no misunderstandings. I’m not to blame for Mark’s decision and neither are any of you. Suicide is personal and I refuse to have anyone walk out of here today without understanding that. Mark Brittian needs help; hopefully this will help him get it. He’ll need understanding from all of you. He’ll need not to be abandoned.’”

More than any other adult, Ms. Lemry attends to the mental health needs of the teenaged characters in the book. She defends the rights of the students to have debates and question established beliefs. But she also reminds them that Mark needs professional help and support from his community, which includes them.

“‘Your teacher was right, guys. Taking on someone else’s monsters will kill you.’”

Here, Carver echoes Ms. Lemry’s sentiments. Carver surprises Eric by confiding in him about his father’s suicide. Carver tells Eric that for too long, he felt responsible and wasted years of his life blaming himself. At last, he had to accept that his father made his own decision. Carver encourages Eric to release himself from any blame he feels over Mark’s suicide attempt.

“His low voice chilled my spine. ‘I can smell your fear clear across town,’ he said. ‘I’ll give you one more chance, then I’m hanging up. If that happens, you better be on the watch for me every minute.’”

After Eric and Steve Ellerby manage to smuggle Sarah out of the mental hospital right under her father’s nose, Mr. Byrnes becomes even more of a monster. Eric receives a threatening phone call that he tries to laugh off. He can’t deny that Mr. Byrnes is terrifying, though, and that he’s worried that Virgil Byrnes might just come after him.

“Mautz’s neck is swelling, his eyes blazing and I learn something from Ellerby right this minute that I’ll use against bullies for the rest of my life: Call in the goddamn cavalry as quick as you can.”

The vice principal is eager to hold Steve Ellerby and Eric personally responsible for Mark’s suicide attempt. To that end, he calls the boys to his office and begins intimidating them. Eric is unsure how to proceed but Ellerby instantly knows how they can best defend themselves: by getting his father involved, since Mr. Mautz is unwilling to listen to them but will be forced to respond to an adult.

“‘Sir, I’m a preacher and I don’t believe the church should get into the state’s business. They have different functions.’”

Mr. Mautz is floored when Mr. Ellerby reminds him about the separation of church and state. The vice principal might have expected Mr. Ellerby to agree with his evangelical agenda but Mr. Ellerby surprises him. Though he is a preacher, Mr. Ellerby can appreciate the need for both spiritual and secular space, especially for students.

“‘My old man’s a heavy dude. He doesn’t believe butt time on Planet Earth necessarily makes you wise. Guys like Mautz always hate my dad.’”

Steve Ellerby admires his father for being both a man of faith and a person willing to entertain large-scale questions. Unlike Mark Brittian and his father, Mr. Ellerby accepts the unknown. He doesn’t view doubt or questions as threatening to his beliefs. Rather, he seems them as inevitable because no human can understand everything about the mysteries of life, or what comes after.

“I whirl around, face to face with Virgil Byrnes, then whip my eyes back to the road. Suddenly I am in adrenaline overload. ‘Get out of my car! That’s against the law! I can get you arrested!’”

Eric lets his guard down too soon, feeling confident that Sarah is safe from her father and is on the path to feeling better about her life. He doesn’t expect Mr. Byrnes to still be out for blood. But he very much is and is also willing to wait until Eric gets out of swim practice to ambush him.

“Everything is fuzzy. Gauzy. A policeman’s lips are moving just above me, but I can’t hear a word. Hey, man, these guys have this all under control. I’m outta here.”

Surprisingly enough, it is Dale Thornton, Eric’s middle school bully, who saves him after the attack. Dale pulls the knife out of Eric’s arm and gets help. Eric is totally powerless, and this time Dale responds to Eric’s powerlessness by rescuing him.

“‘The point is, if you go around making things look different than what they are—and what everyone knows they are—nobody’s going to want to get close to you because they know you don’t tell the truth. You just have to tell the truth in a way people recognize.’”

Eric is surprised but somewhat touched when Mark Brittian solicits life advice from him. Eric’s suggestion is simple: to be forthright, to be himself and to own his identity. It is better, Eric asserts, to be who you are rather than trying to be someone else. It is simple advice but words that Mark desperately needs to hear.