Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships

The opening anecdote concerns Martin, a 15-year-old who has suffered horrific abuse from his father, violence in his home, and drug use from age eight onward. Martin is participating in a rehabilitative treatment as an alternative to a juvenile detention center. He lives in a group home with other young offenders and adult supervisors. The young men operate in teams of 10, looking out for one another as they engage in their treatment program. This new treatment plan allows the young men to construct a “secure base” for their peers and helps them build their social abilities. This program has kept the recidivism rate for teenage graduates of this program to around 8%, compared to the 30% rate of recidivism in states like Maryland and Florida.

In Kalamazoo, voters faced a similar dilemma while trying to make a plan to replace the city’s overcrowded youth prison. Some people wanted a new, more secure prison, while others wanted an end to youth prisons entirely.

A juvenile jail for young adults seems to punish the victims of abuse and neglect more than it keeps dangerous criminals off the streets. Goleman proposes a new approach toward the concept of “correction,” one that that takes advantage of social neuroplasticity, the use of positive interactions to reshape the young brain. He suggests that violent urges can be explained by a deficit in the circuitry running from the OFC to the amygdala, a deficit that could be corrected through social epigenetics and the application of social science strategies.

A neighborhood in Boston’s South Side has implemented a community garden in a formerly vacant lot as a way to improve cohesion in the neighborhood. Other communities use similar measures to promote positive community connections, reducing isolation and creating a large “safe base” for the children in their community.

Goleman introduces a personal anecdote about his friend’s son Brad, who suffers from alcohol addiction and poor impulse control. Brad was assigned to a pilot program for prisoners who show hope for rehabilitation. Despite his anger issues, Brad found himself following the advice of the program when another prisoner challenged him to a fight, and instead Brad de-escalated and tried to establish a sincere connection with the other prisoner. The strategy worked, and Brad no longer had any trouble with his fellow inmate.

In Pennsylvania, six young men were convicted of arson after they burned down a landmark bridge in their town. The town held a meeting to discuss the matter with the arsonists. After witnessing the true pain of the community, as well as the shame of their parents and friends, the men were “distraught and contrite” (295). This meeting is an exercise in restorative justice, which focuses on making the perpetrators of crimes face the emotional aftermath of their actions.

The opening anecdote describes the last years of apartheid in South Africa. A group of white business executives and Black community leaders had been discreetly meeting for four days, working to plan and conduct leadership seminars together in preparation for the coming end of apartheid. At the end of the program, one of the white men stood up and confessed that he had been raised to think of Black people as animals. He then burst into tears.

Us/them is the plural form of I/it and operates on the same principle: The “us” represents real people, and the “them” does not. The amygdala inside each individual’s brain is vulnerable to instantaneous impulses of anger and fear, which can then turn into prejudice and hatred. The amygdala can create emotional reactions that dehumanize others, turning the others into a “them.”

Implicit biases are the product of the “low road” and exist in everyone. They can skew perceptions without the knowledge of the individual subject to them. Recent research, however, has shown that stereotypes and prejudices “are fluid” and can shift. Especially helpful is when people are primed to remember their “secure base”—a partner, parent, or mentor who feels safe—before confronting their implicit biases. From their secure position, people are more willing to change.