Sideways Stories from Wayside School

Mrs. Jewls arrives to teach on the 30th story of Wayside School. The children are afraid because she is rumored to be nice. They have told no one of what happened to Mrs. Gorf. Mrs. Jewls has been told that the children are cute. Upon arriving, she finds them “much too cute to be children” (8). She insists that they are monkeys. The children are confused, and when a boy named Todd speaks, Mrs. Jewls is shocked. She promises to bring him a banana. The children convince her that they are not monkeys. Mrs. Jewls finally concedes that they are not monkeys and orders the children to get ready to take a test.

Joe and Todd talk of how they preferred when Mrs. Jewls believed them to be monkeys, and they are reprimanded for talking. Mrs. Jewls writes their names on the chalkboard under the word “Discipline.”

Joe is a curly-haired student who cannot count. Mrs. Jewls asks him how many hairs he has on his head. Although he knows he has a lot of hair, Joe does not know the number of hairs. Mrs. Jewls prompts Joe to count a variety of objects such as pencils, potatoes, and books. Each time, Joe counts incorrectly, but he arrives at the correct answer by chance. Mrs. Jewls then counts to 10 and asks Joe to repeat the numbers in their correct sequence. She again asks him to count the objects. This time, he counts in sequence correctly but stops counting at 10, so he arrives at the wrong answers.

The other children return from recess, inquiring about Joe’s whereabouts. They laugh when Mrs. Jewls tells them that Joe cannot count. She chastises them, noting that there are some things that Joe can do that others cannot. Joe is frustrated, but Mrs. Jewls assures him that one morning he will simply wake up and be able to count correctly.

The next morning, Joe wakes up and correctly counts all the hairs on his head.

Sharie is known for falling asleep at school. Mrs. Jewls does not mind, saying some people learn best while asleep. One day, Sharie sleeps so deeply she flops onto a nearby student’s desk and begins snoring. Then, Sharie falls out of the classroom window.

Sharie remains asleep until she has fallen 10 stories. She awakens, wondering where she is. She falls asleep again and falls 10 more stories. Louis, the playground teacher, sees Sharie falling and runs over to catch her. Sharie chastises Louis for waking her up from her dream, but then she hugs him. That night, Sharie discovers that she cannot fall asleep as she is not tired.

Even though Todd is quiet, he always finds himself in trouble for talking. One day, as soon as he begins to speak, Mrs. Jewls writes his name on the chalkboard under the word “Discipline.” He knows the next offense will lead to a checkmark next to his name and another to his name being circled.

Joy repeatedly asks Todd which page he is working on in his workbook. Joy is much further ahead than Todd. After Joy shouts that she is on page 200, Todd tells her to stop bothering him. Mrs. Jewls places a checkmark next to Todd’s name. Todd knows that he will be sent home at noon on the kindergarten bus after his third offense. As hard as he tries, Todd never avoids Mrs. Jewls sending him home early.

Suddenly, two robbers enter the classroom, demanding money. They are dismayed to discover they are in a classroom, not a bank. When they request something of value, Todd gives them Joy’s workbook, stating “[K]nowledge is much more valuable than money” (26). After the robbers leave, Mrs. Jewls gives Joy a new workbook, which Joy begins to complete from the beginning. Todd asks her which page she is on, and Mrs. Jewls sends him home on the kindergarten bus. Before he leaves, the class claps, much to Todd’s confusion.

Bebe is the class artist, known for her quick drawing speed. Calvin, the student who sits next to her, becomes Bebe’s assistant as he feels he is no good at art himself. Before art time begins, Calvin equips himself with paper and crayons. As soon as Bebe completes a drawing, Calvin supplies her with a fresh sheet of paper.

One day, Bebe sets a new record, drawing 378 pictures during the one-hour class. Mrs. Jewls, after learning Calvin has drawn nothing, asks whether he likes art. Calvin explains that he is able to generate a larger quantity of art by assisting Bebe. Mrs. Jewls says it is the quality of a picture, not the quantity, that matters. She insists that one good picture is more valuable than two million pictures. Upon hearing this, Bebe throws away all her drawings and then leaves. She tells Louis that she is going home to draw a picture of a cat but predicts she will have less than one whisker finished by the next day.

Mrs. Jewls asks Calvin to take a note to Miss Zarves, who teaches on the 19^th story. Calvin is confused, knowing that Wayside School, in addition to being built sideways, was built without a 19^th story. For this reason, there is also no Miss Zarves. Calvin, unsure of what to do, walks back and forth between the 18^th and 20^th stories. Mrs. Jewls, though she explained that she needed Calvin to deliver a note, did not actually give him one.

Calvin decides to consult Louis as to what he should do. Louis understands that Calvin is “supposed to take no notes to no teachers” (137). Calvin decides that he will tell Mrs. Jewls that he did not deliver the note, and Louis agrees that it is best to tell the truth.

Calvin returns to the 30^th story. Mrs. Jewls thanks him for delivering the note before Calvin can explain that he was unable to deliver the nonexistent note. Mrs. Jewls explains that the note instructed Miss Zarves not to meet her for lunch, and Calvin assures her that Miss Zarves will not. Calvin is awarded a Tootsie Roll pop for his messenger skills. Calvin thanks Mrs. Jewls and remarks, “[B]ut really, it was nothing” (38).

Myron is the class president. Mrs. Jewls explains that his job as president is to turn the lights on at the beginning of the day and off at the end of the day. Myron feels that this is not a very important job, but Mrs. Jewls insists that it is.

One day, school ends, so Myron turns off the lights and walks home. He hears a screeching sound and discovers his classmate, Dana, crying over her dog, Pugsy, who has been struck by a car. Myron helps Dana by carrying the dog to the veterinarian. He then walks Dana home, assured that he has acted like a true class president.

The next morning, Myron stops at Dana’s house on his way to school. He finds Pugsy there, and Dana is relieved that Pugsy is okay. Pugsy bites Myron, and Dana’s mother bandages the cut. When Myron and Dana arrive at school late, the class is sitting in the dark. Mrs. Jewls says they have been waiting for Myron to turn on the lights so that they may begin learning. She asks Myron to teach Stephen how to turn the lights on and off, asserting Stephen will now be the class president. Stephen learns how to complete the task after a week of practice. No one ever learns that Myron is actually “the best class president in the history of Wayside School” (43).

Maurecia is loved by all the students, yet she does not like anyone. She only likes ice cream, which she brings to school in a cone each day. She begins with chocolate cones, until she tires of the flavor, and then switches. After Maurecia has exhausted several flavors, she complains to Mrs. Jewls. Mrs. Jewls decides to invent a new flavor of ice cream for Maurecia. She calls it “Maurecia-flavored” and is certain Maurecia will like it since all the students like her.

When Maurecia tries it, she is dismayed to discover that the ice cream has no flavor. Mrs. Jewls realizes that this is because it is “the same taste that [Maurecia] always taste[s] when [she’s] not tasting anything at all” (47). She proceeds to make a new flavor of ice cream named after Joe. Everyone loves the ice cream, but Joe finds it to have no taste. Mrs. Jewls proceeds to make a flavor modeled after each student in the class; each time, the namesake student cannot taste the ice cream. In the end, the students decide that the Maurecia flavor is the best ice cream. Maurecia, however, likes the Todd flavor the best and tries to bite him when she runs out of ice cream.

Paul sits in the back of the classroom, which he feels is the best seat since Mrs. Jewls can’t see him. He sits behind Leslie, who has two pigtails that dangle in front of him. Each day, Paul is tempted to pull on the pigtails but resists. He repeatedly talks himself out of pulling them so as not to get into trouble. One day, he suddenly finds himself pulling the right pigtail. Leslie screams, and Mrs. Jewls lists Paul’s name on the chalkboard under “Discipline.” Paul vows not to pull the pigtail again, but that the left pigtail is unpulled bothers him. Paul is upset by the lack of symmetry and cannot refuse pulling the left pigtail. When he does, a checkmark is placed next to his name on the chalkboard. Paul, however, is satisfied by pulling each pigtail once per day, and in this way, he can avoid ever having his name circled on the chalkboard. However, Leslie screams for no reason. Mrs. Jewls assumes Paul has pulled a pigtail for the third time that day, and he is sent home at noon on the kindergarten bus: “Nobody would believe that he hadn’t pulled Leslie’s pigtail again” (55).