Same As It Ever Was: A Novel

In the past timeline, 26 years earlier, Julia is 29 and working as a public library assistant, bartender, and barista in Chicago. She recently broke up with her boyfriend, who was cheating on her with their supervisor at the bar and subsequently decided to go on a “sexual sabbatical.” One night, she goes out to eat at her favorite Korean restaurant alone. She doesn’t have quarters for the parking meter and is about to cry in desperation when Mark appears and offers her a roll of quarters. They chat, and she accepts the quarters and goes into the restaurant. After a minute, he follows and asks if he can join her. She assents.

In the present timeline, Julia, Mark, and Alma go to an award ceremony at Alma’s high school. Alma is being rewarded for her campaign to replace the plastic cutlery in the cafeteria with biodegradable ones. Julia feels immensely proud of her daughter. After the ceremony, they go to a restaurant with some other families from the high school. Alma goes off to socialize with her friends, while Julia and Mark talk to other parents at the bar. One of the parents is talking about how they’re going to counseling to help them adjust to their child’s leaving for college. Later, Mark tells Julia, “I’m not worried about being alone with you […] I think it’s going to be fun” (242).

In the past timeline, Mark and Julia begin dating and are happy together. However, Julia doesn’t tell him much about her complicated family and early life, and she resists his questioning about it. One night, when saying goodbye after walking her to work at the bar, he tells her he loves her. She responds, “Me too.”

In the present timeline, Julia and Alma go to admitted students’ weekend at Herzog College. Mark was supposed to go but was called away to a meeting in New York. During the visit, Julia feels panicked and overwhelmed at the thought of her daughter leaving. She goes outside to catch her breath. She remembers how much Alma resisted being left at preschool when she was a small child.

Later, at a café, Julia tells Alma that whatever happens, even if this school doesn’t work for her, everything will be okay. She says she went to the University of Kansas instead of Northwestern University because she needed to get away from her mother, and it worked out fine. The next day, she lets Alma drive home from the campus. At home, she tries on her dress for Ben and Sunny’s wedding. She asks Alma how she looks in it, and Alma seems annoyed and says Julia looks “really pretty.” Julia feels a little let down.

Mark comes home and sees Julia stuck in the dress. He helps her unzip it and then, while she’s naked, calls her beautiful. She apologizes for feeling insecure, and he embraces her.

In the past timeline, Mark tales Julia to meet his parents at their home in La Crosse, Wisconsin. They are a typical happy Midwestern family, and Julia is thrown by their normalcy but likes them. That evening, Mark admits to her that he always felt a little depressed and lonely in his childhood home because his family didn’t understand his interest in science and career path as a university researcher.

In the present timeline, Julia is looking over the wedding plan information Sunny sent over when Brady, Mark’s best friend, comes over unannounced. She tells him that Mark is at a baseball game with Alma. He comes in anyway and announces that Francine has left him. He acts drunk. Julia makes him a grilled cheese sandwich. Brady mentions that he always thought the four of them—Brady, Francine, Mark, and Julia—had made some kind of “cosmic error” and should have married each other’s spouses instead. This shocks Julia, though she admits that Francine and Mark (and herself and Brady) do share similarities.

That night, after talking to Brady, Mark tells Julia that he’s going to call Francine (who he calls “Franny”) and see how she’s doing. Julia is surprised about this, because she feels it “has nothing to do with us” (278). They argue, and Mark says Julia “push[es] everyone away” and doesn’t “engage” (280).

In the past timeline, after being together for a year, Mark takes Julia to meet Brady and Francine, who recently moved to the Chicago suburbs. Brady and Mark have been friends since childhood. Mark introduced Brady to Francine when they were at school together at Stanford. Brady and Francine are wealthy, and Julia finds their large house absurd. Francine is pregnant with twins. Driving home from dinner, Julia complains about the couple. Indignant, Mark tells her that he is going to go work with Brady at his venture capital firm. He says that he thinks Brady and Francine’s life seems more “real” than their own. Julia is shocked but, after they argue back and forth, says, “Fine […] let’s get married” (296).

In the present timeline, Julia and Mark go to a donor event at the library where Julia works. Helen is there. Julia and Helen catch up, and Helen asks if Julia would like to go for a drink somewhere. Before Julia can reply, Mark approaches them. Julia introduces them, and Helen asks after Ben. Mark is surprised that Helen knows Ben, so Julia makes up a lie to cover for it. She has never told Mark about Helen. After Mark walks away, Helen says she came to the donor event to see Julia and hopes they can catch up properly soon. Julia has never stopped missing Helen and agrees.

In the past timeline, Julia and Mark go to the hospital when Francine gives birth to her twins. Mark is thrilled to see the newborns, and Julia feels a bit “embarrassed” by her own lack of joy. After they leave, Mark asks Julia if she wants children. She says she wants to wait to decide until after the wedding.

Soon after the wedding, Julia stops taking her birth control pills. When her pregnancy test comes back positive, she calls her mother for advice. Anita says simply, “Take whatever drugs they offer you […] and hope to God it’s a boy” (314). Then, Mark comes home, and Julia tells him the news. He is thrilled, and she decides to “borrow” his “transcendent delight.”

In the present timeline, Julia is helping Alma pick out her outfit for graduation when Ben comes over to pick up a library book he left at the house. Julia asks if he wants to stay for dinner, and he declines but says “thanks, Mom. For trying” (319).

Late that night, Julia goes downstairs, where Alma is watching a baking competition show. They watch together for a while until Alma asks why Julia needed to get away from her mother. Julia tells her that she and Anita didn’t understand each other and it was hard for them to “coexist.” Alma tells her that Sunny has a difficult relationship with her own family and that Julia should make more of an effort with Sunny. Alma says she’s sorry that Julia had such a difficult relationship with Anita and puts her head in her mother’s lap.

While Alma sleeps, Julia sends a kind text message to Sunny and then deletes Helen’s number from her contacts.

In the past timeline, Julia is happy being pregnant. She and Mark go to a garden store to buy something for his mother’s birthday. They kiss and then go to the store bathroom to have sex. He seems somewhat shocked at her behavior, and shock is an expression she sees on his face more and more as the years go on.

Julia goes into labor and gives birth to Ben at the hospital. Despite the pain of the birth and her feeling of being overwhelmed, she focuses on his face.

In the present timeline, Sunny responds to Julia’s text and asks her if she’ll drive Sunny to the wedding dress boutique for a fitting. Julia identifies with Sunny’s feelings of being overwhelmed and alone during her pregnancy and wedding planning, and they bond. Sunny tells Julia that Ben said “the worst thing you ever did to him was forget to pick him up at school once” (330). Julia is shocked that Ben remembers the day she almost left him and his father. Sunny shares with Julia that her relationship with her parents is rocky because her younger sister died of leukemia when she was five years old. Julia tells Sunny that it took time for her to fall in love with her own children, and Sunny is grateful for the insight.

That night, Anita calls Julia and tells her she wants to come to the wedding after all. Julia says she’ll pick Anita up from the airport on Friday and that Anita can stay at their house.

In the past timeline, Julia feels obsessed with the newborn Ben yet still feels an urge to get away from the house from time to time. One day, Julia and Mark return from a walk to find Anita on their front step. Anita says that she can’t stay long because her bus to Columbus, Ohio, leaves early the next morning. Anita gives them a gift for the baby. Julia is angry that her mother showed up just to leave again. That night, over dinner, Julia tells Mark she doesn’t want to go back to work at the library but wants to stay home to look after Ben. The next day, she calls the bus station and learns that there are no early morning buses to Columbus and cried.

In the present timeline, Francine returns from her hometown of Philadelphia and reunites with Brady. Mark and Julia go to dinner at their house. While preparing the meal, Francine tells Julia that she found Julia intimidating when they first met. Then, she tells Julia that Mark came to see her in Philadelphia. Julia is shocked because Mark hadn’t mentioned any visit to her. On the drive home from dinner, she confronts him. He says he didn’t lie about the visit but just didn’t tell her about it. When Julia asks Mark if he would have rather married Francine, he says he doesn’t think about it because it’s “frivolous” to do so. He adds that he didn’t tell Julia about the visit because she has been acting “so strange lately” (359). Julia says she has been acting “strange,” because she’s sad and overwhelmed about all the big changes in their lives. Mark tells her he told Francine about Julia’s affair 20 years ago. Julia is hurt by this, but he says he doesn’t “deserve this” and that he has “always deserved credit” (360).

In the past timeline, 20 years ago, after Mark picks up Julia from the gas station and she admits to the affair, they focus on Ben and start to rebuild their relationship.

One night, Julia tells Mark she is going to go off birth control again so that they can have another child. She thinks it will make him happy, but he is shocked. He says he is miserable most of the time but doesn’t want a divorce because he “already invested so much” (365). Julia wants to have another child so that they can have a fresh start, and they kiss, symbolizing his agreement to try again.

After that, Julia and Mark move into a new house, Julia returns to work at the library, and Alma is born.