Rules of the Road

“My sister got the beauty in the family. I got the personality.”

Jenna’s narrative style is humorous, but there is an underlying edge of self-depreciation and dissatisfaction. At the beginning of the book, Jenna often compares herself physically to her younger sister, who she sees as beautiful, and denigrates her own physical appearance. Jenna compensates for what she perceives as her lack of beauty by trying to fix problems (such as her father’s drinking) and cultivating her “personality.” In this quote she also somewhat unfairly implies that her sister is lacking in personality.

“He didn’t like that so I lied and told him I was sick and had to get some sleep and maybe we could get together when I was feeling better.”

This quote is about Jenna telling her drunk father not to come over to their house to “catch up.” Rather than tell him the truth that she doesn’t want to see him, she lies to him. Superficially this does not seem important, but one of the main themes of the book is that facing the truth is the only way to solve problems and to move on from them. Jenna has been avoiding telling her father the truth about how she really feels about his drinking, which has kept her trapped in a cycle of deflection and guilt.

“And, by the way you have two daughters.”

Carol, Jenna and Faith’s mother, is talking to their drunk father in this quote. She is highlighting the fact (in front of Faith) that he only seems to remember Jenna and forgets about Faith. This quote is important because the narrative is told from Jenna’s perspective, and Jenna portrays Faith as the lucky, beautiful, younger daughter who gets a free pass on dealing with their father. In reality Faith is excluded and forgotten and is therefore deeply hurt by the lack of interest her father shows in her. The reader gets the impression that Faith longs to be involved and that Jenna and their mother are not sensitive to this need.

“I don’t think I want to be around to witness what Elden will do to my business.”

Mrs. Gladstone is telling Jenna for the first time that Elden is pushing her out of her company, and here she gives a rare glimpse of how much that is hurting her. Mrs. Gladstone is saying she would rather die than see her son destroy the company she built up. After this conversation Jenna understands the gravity of the situation Mrs. Gladstone is in. This conversation marks a shift in Jenna and Mrs. Gladstone’s relationship from employer/employee to supportive friendship.

“Good, loyal Jenna. Loyal like a dog. A person you can count on. Just give her a Milk Bone and she’ll go out of her way to help.”

Jenna sounds as though she is annoyed in this quote, even though she is not. These are her thoughts while driving Mrs. Gladstone to Springfield and musing on the trust that Mrs. Gladstone has put in her. Jenna is really thinking about her life in general and that she is always there to pick up the pieces for her father or to help her mother and protect Faith. She is thinking that she always puts other people first, like a loyal dog, without getting much back in return. Her self-perception is not completely accurate, however. Mrs. Gladstone is giving Jenna a nice monetary “Milk Bone,” as well as a cross-country trip and a chance for self-refection, which Jenna comes to appreciate.

“I always wondered why I had a father who was a drunk. I hadn’t figured that one out yet.”

This quote is important because it highlights how every situation reminds Jenna of her father and his alcohol addiction. Mrs. Gladstone has just told Jenna beautiful stories about her childhood and her father and how he used shoes as symbols in his sermons. Mrs. Gladstone fondly comments “‘I’d wonder why in the world did I have a father so all-fired fixated on shoes?” (64), but instead of focusing on Mrs. Gladstone and her memories, Jenna turns it back to herself and her father with the thought in this quote. Jenna is not self-centered. Instead, the pain caused by her father is all consuming and never far from her mind.

“I understood about being rejected by someone you love—the carelessness of it, the pain. Elden was careless, so was my dad. You want so much to believe they'll change and love you like you need them to. You’ll lie to yourself about them, make them more than they are.”

Jenna’s thoughts in this quote show the empathy she has with Mrs. Gladstone when she sadly shares the details of Elden’s takeover plan. Jenna sees that Mrs. Gladstone gives Elden more credit and leeway than he deserves, and Jonna is beginning to realize that she does the same thing with respect to her father. Neither woman is quite ready to see their loved ones for the selfish people they are, but they are able to support and help each other through the process of acceptance.

“Inconsistency is a royal pain, but I’ve learned to live with it.”

Jenna has this thought over breakfast with Mrs. Gladstone. The night before they had become close and shared memories and stories, but at breakfast Mrs. Gladstone is quiet and distant. Mrs. Gladstone’s behavior is inconsistent, and this inconsistency reminds her, yet again, of her childhood with her father. She remembers similar evenings discussing big dreams with him followed by mornings where the dreams were dismissed. At this point in the journey Jenna is still content to tell herself that she can and will just live with it. She almost prides herself on having learned to accept it and she is not yet able to see that there could be another way of dealing with her father. Joan Bauer uses these connections to pull the reader into Jenna’s past and to present the deep impact an alcohol-addicted father in denial has on a child growing up with him.

“I’d trade four inches of height for beauty any day, but no one would swap.”

Even though Jenna is gaining self-confidence on the trip with Mrs. Gladstone, who clearly appreciates Jenna’s work ethic and shoe expertise, Jenna is still convinced that she is not physically attractive. Even though Jenna’s thoughts are humorous, as in this quote, her recurring negative self-reflection underscore her insecurities. Jenna reminds herself that her grandmother commanded and capitalized on her height, but Jenna knows she has a long way to go before being that comfortable with her appearance.

“I had practice defying adults. My father was always telling me he was fine when he was drunk, always telling me he didn’t need my help when the plain truth was he needed my help sometimes to just sit down. Some adults don’t always know how to take care of themselves.”

This quote is from Jenna as she persuades Mrs. Gladstone to see a doctor. From a young age Jenna has had to help her father, who stubbornly refuses to acknowledge he has a problem, so Jenna sees herself as an expert in dealing with stubborn adults. In this situation Jenna is helping Mrs. Gladstone, but she is reminded again of negative childhood events with her father. Every situation triggers uncomfortable memories for Jenna, which underscores the depth of the damage done to her by her father’s disease.

“I don’t know beans about saving companies, but I know how it works in families, and believe me, you’ve got to pull everybody you trust together in one place and talk real clear and plain and let everybody else do the same because there’s power in truth. […] You’ve got to call a thing by its full name and that’s what lets the truth out where it can get some fresh air.”

In this quote Jenna is talking to Mrs. Gladstone and trying to get her to accept the truth and help from her friends. Even though Jenna is not at the point to be able to speak the truth to her own father, she can see where other people would benefit from an open, honest discussion however painful it might be. This is the first time Jenna shows her deepening understanding of her own situation and that maybe maintaining the status-quo (such as always lying to her father about why she doesn’t want to see him to avoid hurting his feelings) isn’t working.

“If I need a nurse, I’ll hire one. Now I suggest, young woman, that you do what I’ve hired you to do.”

Mrs. Gladstone cuts Jenna off mid-sentence with the sharp retort in this quote. Jenna and Mrs. Gladstone’s relationship has been getting closer, but this is a curt reminder for Jenna not to over familiarize. Jenna’s feelings are hurt by this slap down, and it brings on waves of homesickness. Mrs. Gladstone picks up on this and makes amends with Jenna, but it is a good lesson for Jenna not to assume that she needs to fix everything all the time.

“I tried my best to be important to my father. I didn't argue with him, even when I knew he was wrong. I didn't call him a drunk, even though he was one. I just tiptoed around his life, hoping he'd notice. He did sometimes, but he’d be gone in a heartbeat.”

This quote is a heartbreaking glimpse into Jenna’s childhood. Jenna clearly loves her father and was happy for whatever scraps of attention he threw her way when she was younger. Now her father periodically seeks Jenna out, craving her attention. This is emotionally exhausting for Jenna because now attention from him is mostly unwelcome and depressing. It is heartbreaking because the reader can see that both Jenna and her father long for each other in their lives, but their timelines do not align.

“In China a person doesn't become respected for their wisdom until they reach 70 years of age and I guarantee you, I qualify!”

Alice, riding high and fired up on indignation about how seniors are getting pushed aside in America, says this quote to a waitress who was refusing a coupon for prunes. Alice and Mrs. Gladstone galvanize each other and thoroughly enjoy getting riled up about the harassment of neglect of seniors. It is this feisty spirit that Alice brings to the trip that wins back Mrs. Gladstone’s strength and resolve.

“What matters is the bottom line. How much you make. What the company is worth. How to get the stock up. And you're kidding yourself if you think business is anything more than that!”

This quote from Elden speaking to his mother is taken from a heated conversation at Mrs. Gladstone’s Dallas house. Elden is trying to persuade his mother to retire and telling her she is out of touch and no longer understands how businesses work. The way he talks down to his mother, which is captured in this quote, is indicative of his personality—demanding, controlling and focused on material rather than emotional wealth. Jenna learns a lot from overhearing these conversations. From Eldon she learns how not to conduct yourself, and by watching Mrs. Gladstone respond to her obnoxious son, she learns how to stop a loved one from walking all over you.

“Part of me longs for a normal job, but I've tried to drop normal from my vocabulary because I've come to the conclusion, rightly or wrongly, that there is no such thing.”

This quote is taken from the letter Carol writes to Jenna telling her about their new unlisted phone number. It is taken from the chatty part of the letter. It is a very honest thought and reveals a lot about Carol’s personality. Carol has tried, as much as possible, to give Jenna and Faith a normal childhood and family life. Her husband’s alcohol addiction and lack of involvement made that impossible, and in this quote the reader understands Carol is fully aware of the futility in trying to chase “normal,” that she appreciates that Jenna is mature enough to share that thought with.

“I hugged my knees and wondered what it would have been like if Harry Bender had been my father. […] Mostly I saw him just being there—someone you could count on who shot hoops with you after dinner. Someone who came to your school plays even though you were playing nonspeaking tall parts, like trees and giant lizards. Someone who understood that what kids need most from their fathers is for them to be available and loving.”

This quote from Jenna’s musings about how wonderful it would be if Harry Bender was her father speaks volumes about what she missed growing up. It is less about Harry, who she has only just met, and more about what her real father did not provide, which is stability and love. She is comparing her flawed childhood to an imagined, perfect one. Jenna manages to judge herself as well as her father in these thoughts and jokes about tall trees and giant lizards, which refers to her height, which she is uncomfortable with.

“Not this time, Daddy.”

Jenna says this to herself when intrusive memories about her father surface after a phone call with her mother. She thinks of advice Harry gave her about setting her mind to a healthy way of living, and as the negative memories crowd in she shuts them down. In her memory her father is asking her to answer the phone for him, to cover for him again, and for the first time she says no, followed by the quote. Jenna is finding the confidence to stand up to the ghosts of her childhood that are holding her back.

“The beginning of true beauty is how you feel inside.”

Alice says this to Jenna as Jenna is trying on clothes during their shopping spree. Even though Alice is giving Jenna an external makeover with a new hairstyle and new clothes, she is also telling Jenna that she is already beautiful. Alice sees Jenna’s kindness and compassion and is letting her know that this radiates outward as beauty. Alice is an influential character on Jenna’s journey into adulthood with her eye for style and the moral support she provides.

“Sales clerks’ eyes didn't cloud up when they waited on me. They kept eye contact, didn't look away. People always leaned closer to Faith when she was shopping.”

Jenna is commenting to herself about the different treatment she receives from strangers after Alice has done her hair and taken her clothes shopping. She remembers how she usually feels ignored or invisible while shopping and again compares herself negatively to Faith. Jenna probably does look different after the makeover, but the reader gets the sense that the biggest transformation is in the way Jenna sees herself. Her boosted self-confidence allows her to carry herself with more authority, so she elicits a more direct and positive response from people around her.

“He hurts me so much when he's around and when he's gone I worry about him and never know if he's coming back. It's like I lose if he's here and lose if he's gone…”

Jenna is telling Harry Bender about her father in this quote. Here Jenna neatly sums up how confusing life is with her father. She feels as if she is in a no-win situation and can’t see a way out of it. Harry cuts in at this point and asks Jenna whether she has told her father how she feels and explains that telling him might be cathartic for her. This is a pivotal moment, where Jenna realizes she must tell her father the truth about her feelings if she wants to break the cycle.

“Floyd and I were lucky, we loved selling shoes, loved meeting the customers, loved trying to do the best we could with what we'd been given. You just can't put a price on that.”

Mrs. Gladstone has just given 50 shares of Gladstone’s stock to Jenna as a thank-you gift. In this quote she is explaining to Jenna why the company means so much to her and why she is not prepared to be bought out by Elden. It underscores the difference between herself and her son. Mrs. Gladstone cares about the customer and the shoes, not the profit margin, which is what Elden cares about. This quote is also a touching memory of her life with Floyd before he died and how they enjoyed selling shoes and meeting customers.

“Wherever we go, we take everything we've ever learned with us.”

Jenna’s grandmother used to say this quote to the family whenever they had to leave a place. Jenna recalls many quotes from her grandmother, who is now incapacitated by Alzheimer’s disease. The memories of Grandma’s inspirational words get Jenna though many tough times. In this case, Jenna is sad to be leaving Dallas and remembers her Grandma’s words as she watches Dallas disappear in the rearview mirror. This is an important quote because it reminds the reader of the big influence family, and specifically her grandmother, has on Jenna. Unlike the negative impact of her father, her grandmother’s words bring only comfort and joy.