Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage

Promises I Can Keep: Why Poor Women Put Motherhood Before Marriage is a 2005 sociological study of low-income motherhood in eight neighborhoods in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and Camden, New Jersey. The co-authors, sociologists Kathyrn Edin and Maria Kefalas, argue that social and economic conditions in urban, low-income communities limit the number of marriageable men, contributing to declining rates of marriage since the 1950s. Low-income women simultaneously prize motherhood as an achievement and seek relational enrichment through childbearing, leading to high rates of nonmarital pregnancies.

Promises I Can Keep won the 2006 William J. Goode Book Award, which is awarded each year to distinguished books that discuss the sociology of the family.

This guide references the 2005 edition, published by the University of California Press.

Content Warning: As the book itself is an in-depth sociological exploration, this guide includes references to intimate partner violence, emotional and physical abuse, drug use, and suicide.

Summary

Promises I Can Keep addresses two significant and related questions: Why have marriage rates in low-income communities declined since the 1950s, and why have nonmarital birthrates risen? Edin and Kefalas suggest that socioeconomic determinants play an important role in family formation among low-income women. Some observers believe that marriage has become less important in low-income communities, but this study shows that marriage remains an important goal. However, it has become an unachievable luxury for many low-income women due to the lack of marriageable men.

Edin and Kefalas rely on qualitative data, collected through observations and interviews with over 160 low-income mothers in eight neighborhoods across Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and Camden, New Jersey. They adopt an anthropological approach, with Edin living in one of these Camden neighborhoods during the five years that the study was conducted. The two researchers integrated into the communities they studied and were invited into the lives and homes of their subjects. They also incorporate quantitative data such as survey responses.

Each chapter begins with a case study that highlights the chapter’s focus. The study follows the arc of young couples’ relationships, the births of children, the dissolution of many of those relationships, and the persistence and tenacity of low-income mothers as they rear their children in less-than-ideal circumstances. Their findings cross racial and ethnic boundaries and show that class plays a more important role in the societal retreat from marriage. Their research shows that many nonmarital pregnancies among low-income youth are only partly planned; many young couples want to have children together and use contraception haphazardly or not at all. Pregnancies often arrive earlier than the couples would like but are usually welcomed by mothers. Fathers-to-be, in contrast, may balk at a pregnancy despite having declared their desires to have children with their partners. These negative reactions and subsequent negative behaviors, like infidelity, drug use, or an inability to provide financial stability, end these relationships. Young mothers rise to the occasion, aspiring to “be there” for their children and overcome the challenges that poverty presents to be good mothers. They are unwilling to tolerate criminal activity, abuse, cheating, or drug use once they become parents.

These mothers do not view their nonmarital pregnancies as tragic. Instead, they see them as blessings, and many argue that their children improved their lives by causing them to get serious about education or stop using drugs. Children bring order and meaning to their lives in communities that are chaotic and where opportunities are lacking. Being a good mother is an important achievement for these young women. They often feel ready to become parents at a young age because they have experience helping rear siblings or cousins, and pregnancy does not derail their futures the way it does for middle-class women who unexpectedly conceive. The researchers argue that there is little cost to nonmarital childbearing at a young age for low-income women because they already have so little.

Regarding marriage, these women believe they can only enter the institution after achieving some level of financial independence and security in a relationship. Marriage is optional, while children are essential to their lives and fill a deep emotional need. Marriage thus follows childbearing. These beliefs provide a sociological explanation for the retreat from marriage in low-income communities and the rise in nonmarital births.

Edin and Kefalas end by offering policy solutions to this marriage crisis. They suggest current social programs are insufficient and new programs must focus on cultivating marriageable men and providing emotional fulfillment to at-risk youth to encourage marriage and delay pregnancy.