50 pages • 1 hour read
Elliot PagePageboy: A Memoir
Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2023A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Chapters 21-24Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 21 Summary: “The Healthy Way”
The first girl Page ever kissed was Jessica, who worked at a cafe called the Healthy Way in a mall in Halifax. She and Page met when Page returned to Halifax to finish high school and take a break from acting. Jessica was confident and out of the closet, which is what initially attracted Page to her. The first time they kissed, Page was so overwhelmed that he ran away. They did not talk for several months until they saw each other at a party. They kissed again, and this time, Page was different. He did not “crumble or shake” (174), and he allowed the interaction to continue.
Page talks about Jessica’s importance in his life. She was someone who “helped [him] discover [himself], someone who had pushed through the fear and the shame to exist proudly” (175). He reflects that he did not really have a crush on her but was attracted to the possibility of an open life.
Chapter 22 Summary: “Flatliners”
In the summer of 2016, Page worked on a film called Flatliners. The film was a remake of the 1980s movie, which starred Julia Roberts, Kiefer Sutherland, and Kevin Bacon. Page talks about a driving stunt scene that he and another costar, Kiersey Clemons, were pressured to do without seatbelts or proper safety harnesses. He thinks about the pressure on actors to disregard safety to make production faster and cheaper. He knows that he and Clemons should have spoken up or refused to do the scene, but Hollywood rewards compliant actors.
On the same shoot, Page had trouble with the character he was playing: A medical student working in intensive care. The producers wanted the character to be more feminine, wearing heels and a skirt, but Page felt that this would be out of character. He was approached by a production head, who asked him if he was “mad that this character [wasn’t] gay” (180). The pressure to appear more feminine followed Page throughout his career, and after coming out as gay, he felt even more pressure “to look ‘less queer’” (181).
At a screen test for a different movie, Page was told that the studio wanted him to get hair extensions to look more feminine. Page’s hair at this time was shoulder length. He was so upset that he left the screen test and the project altogether. He was relieved when his manager supported his decision.
Chapter 23 Summary: “U-Turn”
Though Page has “always been told [he] was gay,” been “made fun of for being a dyke,” and “felt more comfortable in environments with queer women” (184), he always knew he was transgender. Despite this inherent knowledge, it was hard for him to acknowledge the truth about himself. He did so for the first time around his 30th birthday when he asked a friend if they thought he was trans. Another time, he asked his friend Star the same question. His gender dysphoria was at an all-time high, and he felt like it was crushing him. During the discussion, he acknowledged to Star that he thought he might be trans.
Soon after, he takes a “U-turn”; he stopped talking about being trans altogether. He met Emma Portner, with whom he fell deeply in love. They got married very quickly, though they divorced a few years later. During their marriage, Page stopped going to therapy and used their relationship as “an emotional disguise” and an excuse to disappear (187).
When Page and Portner’s relationship fell apart, his gender dysphoria was severe, and he finally felt that he needed to talk to someone about his gender.
Chapter 24 Summary: “Your Heavenly Daddy”
A few days after Page came out as gay, he met a priest on an airplane. The priest passed him a note, telling him, “Your soul is struggling. You need the arms of the Heavenly Father around you” and signed the note, “Your Heavenly Daddy” (201-02). Page expresses his discomfort at this message and thinks about how American missionaries and evangelical Christians have made it unsafe for LGBTQ people to exist, both in America and in the rest of the world.
Page describes three relationships that he had after coming out as gay: A one-night stand with a woman who shared a name with “Ryan,” his first out date with a woman, and finally, his relationship with actress Kate Mara. Mara and Page met at a dinner. Mara was dating actor Max Minghella, but she and Page got along well and flirted heavily. Page was nervous about flirting with Mara as she was dating someone, but Mara assured him that “[Max] doesn’t care” (198). Page and Mara began a romantic and sexual relationship, and Page fell deeply in love with her. Page was conflicted; he admired Minghella, both as an actor and a person, but felt jealous that he could not have Mara all to himself. He missed Mara terribly when she was with Minghella, and eventually, they both decided to end the relationship. Page and Mara remain close, and Page still describes her as an honest friend.
Chapters 21-24 Analysis
As the book nears its end, Page gets closer to completing his journey of Self-Discovery and Self-Acceptance. Several times in these chapters, he starts to seriously consider the possibility that he might be trans in real terms instead of abstract ones. He talks to other trans people about their experiences, including his friend Star, in the hopes of gaining clarity. For Page, it is not enough to decide on his own that he is trans; he needs confirmation from many other people in his life. He has a powerful desire to be seen as his real self, and his conversations about gender express that desire. When people like Star affirm his own understanding of his gender, he gets closer to truly accepting himself.
Page’s description of his “U-turn,” where he abruptly stops talking about being trans and pushes himself back into a box, might sound counterintuitive to some readers. He is so close to fully accepting himself but stops at the last minute. In fact, such moments are relatively common among LGBTQ people. Coming out as transgender is a major personal shift that will change a person’s relationships and might impact their career. For someone as famous and visible as Page, that shift could be particularly acute. All trans people face scrutiny when they come out, but not everyone knows that their choices will be picked apart by tabloids and turned into the subject of public discourse. With that context in mind, Page’s profound reluctance to come out at this time in his life makes sense.
Another factor in Page’s unwillingness to come out as trans is the pushback he got when he came out as gay. The letter he receives from the priest on the plane is just one example of people providing unwanted feedback about LGBTQ identities and making it difficult for them to live their lives and be themselves. Page notes that Christianity played a role in the homophobia he experienced when he was growing up: His mother worried that being gay was a sin, and Page himself had similar worries from time to time. Page’s experiences with Christianity are not universal, though they are not unusual among LGBTQ people.
Although he is not yet ready to come out as trans in these chapters, Page notes several instances where he stood up to Anti-LGBTQ Sentiments in Hollywood. Most notably, he objects to his character’s costuming in Flatliners, not just because it triggers his gender dysphoria but because he feels it is a bad choice for the character. The character is working in an intensive care unit in a hospital: “There was categorically no rationale for the character to wear heels or a skirt” (179). Page makes it clear that his objections are based on Hollywood’s extremely narrow view of female characters, not just his own preferences, but the two factors are connected. The character is meant to wear very feminine clothes because gender non-conformity is often punished or rendered invisible in Hollywood, regardless of the actor’s gender or sexuality.
In this section of the book, most of Page’s Complex Interpersonal Relationships are romantic. His relationship with Kate Mara is especially challenging since she has a boyfriend the entire time. Minghella is fully aware of their relationship and never raises any objections. Several times in the book, Page describes starting romantic relationships that he now feels were ill-advised, often because either he or the other person was not able to be fully out, present, and invested. The relationship between Page and Mara is no different, although in this case, the two remain close friends. In another instance, Page literally runs away from his first kiss with a girl and later believes that although he was fascinated by her, his feelings were not really romantic. His desire to spend time around people who are open about their LGBTQ identities despite his own nervousness is a common experience among young LGBTQ people.
