My Stroke of Insight: A Brain Scientist's Personal Journey

Taylor is relocated from the neurology ICU and awaits her mother’s arrival. Her colleagues Francine and Steve are present while her doctors confer about her angiogram results work on an approach to treatment. Her mother arrives and, after saying hello to the hospital staff, climbs into bed with Taylor and embraces her. Taylor is grateful that her mother understands that she is like an infant again and not the competent professional she once was. The author shares that her mother’s care was immensely reassuring and that “being born to her a second time has been my greatest fortune” (87).

Taylor’s doctors arrive and explain their diagnoses. Taylor learns that the untreatable migraines she had suffered her whole life were not headaches but minor bleeds around her brain. While she cannot understand what everyone is saying, she appreciates their efforts to include her. One of her doctors, Dr. Ogilvy, is an expert on AVM, and recommends having brain surgery to remove the blood clot to avoid further injury later in life. Taylor can feel her mother’s fear at this news. Once she understands her doctor’s suggestions, Taylor fears for her brain and body function and worries that a surgical intervention could further damage her. At first, Taylor emphatically rejects the idea of surgery, but after a few days of gentle persuasion from her mother, she agrees. In the weeks preceding the surgery, Taylor focuses on rolling herself into a sitting position, and letting herself sleep when needed.  Over time, Taylor is able to sit, stand, and even walk with help from others. Mentally, she continues to experience confusion and can only speak in whispered, broken sentences. Her colleagues continue to visit and try to help Taylor expand her abilities with brain exercises. Eventually, Taylor is allowed to leave the hospital to go home with her mother to recuperate and gain strength in anticipation of her surgery.

The author is relieved to be home where she can recover without the stimulation and interruptions of the hospital. Her mother helps her with every small task, from relearning how to walk to the bathroom to being able to use a spoon again. Both G.G. and Taylor remain patient and positive and focus on what she can do, rather than what she still needs to relearn. Taylor explains that “recovery can be derailed by hopelessness” and that she and her mother celebrate each small milestone (95). Her first few days at home, Taylor sleeps for six hours at a time and then has twenty minutes of activity before sleeping again. Taylor describes her mother as a “taskmaster” since she wants her waking time to be as productive as possible. She helps Taylor relearn things by offering options and showing her things she does not know. For example, she gives Taylor three lunch options and serves the one Taylor does not remember, helping her create a new memory file for that meal (96). She and her mother quickly learn that phone calls, television, and visits drain Taylor and make it difficult for her to concentrate on recovery. Her brain’s neurons are only “stunned” and not dead.  They need stimulation to recover their capacity since neurons function well in connection with each other but die when left unused (97). G.G. uses children’s puzzles and crafts to help challenge Taylor appropriately and reintroduce her to arts and music, in particular, her instruments, the cello and guitar. In encountering this “magic,” Taylor feels more motivated to heal (98).

Taylor excels at “monkey-see, monkey-do” exercises, in which her mother demonstrates movements, such as opening a puzzle box, turning the pieces over, and putting them together (98). Even these simple tasks present a challenge for Taylor, and she needs constant guidance to succeed. Her mother points out that she can use color to help her connect the right puzzle pieces, which feels like an amazing revelation to Taylor. She continues to practice other daily tasks, such as navigating her apartment, washing the dishes, and checking the mail. Although she cannot read them herself, the letters she receives from friends and colleagues are heartwarming and motivating for Taylor.

Taylor describes relearning how to read as “by far the hardest thing I had to do” since she had no recollection of reading or even of the sounds associated with letters (100). First, Taylor’s mother reintroduces her to phonics so she can decode words, and then she helps Taylor understand their meaning and rebuild her vocabulary. The author continues to struggle with her verbal expression since she often confuses similar words and is unable to find the right term. Her mother helps her venture outside and learn how to walk on grass, sidewalks, and snow and navigate the outdoors, giving her explicit instructions in each small task. She accompanies her mother to the grocery store and laundromat, learning how to choose items, use money, and cope with multiple stimuli. When Taylor cannot keep up with the multitasking required of her, she feels “confused and desperate” and wants to retreat to her comfort zone (105).

Taylor enjoys a simple Christmas with her mother and her friend Kelly and prepares for her surgery, which will occur just two days after the holiday. Knowing that her AVM clot is close to the language center of her brain, Taylor understands that the surgery may permanently ruin her ability to speak and read. Using her burgeoning language skills, Taylor takes the opportunity to write a thank you letter to her friends, colleagues, and acquaintances, which her mother edits and sends for her. With Kelly’s help, the author hikes into the Fellsway, a trail route she used to regularly enjoy. Being in nature helps her feel strong again, and she gains confidence about her upcoming surgery.