Memorial Drive: A Daughter’s Memoir

On the morning that Joel killed Gwen, the police provided a 12-page document that had been taken out of Gwen’s briefcase, found in her bedroom, as evidence. The document was written by hand on a yellow legal pad. Natasha did not see the document until 25 years after her mother was killed. In the document, Gwen wrote about how she had never loved Joel, had wished that she had never married him, and always knew that she would leave him. Joel, she wrote, had intimidated her into marrying him. Her guilt over not loving him made her work hard to be the best wife, mother, and employee. Still, he accused her constantly of cheating on him. Joel claimed that he hadn’t been happy either, so Gwen assumed that they would separate when Joey left home for college.

Gwen identified the “beginning of the end” as the fall of 1978 (131). By then, she had suffered black eyes, bruised kidneys, a sprained arm, and a hairline fracture on her jaw. Joel was jealous of her success, though he enjoyed her income. He was also jealous of Natasha and accused Gwen of loving her more than Joey. Gwen wrote that, “while [Joel] was not overtly cruel to her,” he found ways to keep Natasha upset (132). She noticed how Natasha spent much of her pre-adolescence locked away in her room. Gwen avoided spending time away from home, knowing that she couldn’t depend on Joel. Then, in 1983, she began to do things on her own again. This caused him to step up his threats and accusations. He had also bought a gun.

One night, Gwen had called the police on Joel because she was afraid that he was going to shoot her. When they arrived, Joel “was all compassion, assuring the police that he would never hurt [her] (132). They left smiling. As soon as they departed, Joel resumed his accusations against her. One habit of his was to keep her up at night with “discussions.” This resulted in her losing sleep and being unable to eat properly. She lost a lot of weight, though she was already a size 3. When Gwen visited her mother, she lied and said that she suffered stress due to Joel’s drinking problem.

While Gwen was away, Joel contacted a marriage counselor. Gwen also visited the family doctor, who prescribed medication for her depression but warned her that the only true cure was to get away from Joel. Gwen enjoyed the counseling, feeling that she was able to express all that she had kept bottled up. After two months in therapy, she decided she wanted out of her relationship. When she made the announcement, Joel became furious and left the counselor’s office. Later that night, Joel summoned Gwen to the kitchen for a “discussion.” This time, he had a knife. He had been threatening her with knives for some time, telling her about all the ways that he would cut her face. This time, he said that he was going to kill Gwen to prevent her from leaving. When Gwen mentioned the children, Joel said that he would kill them, too, and himself. Gwen took three antidepressants that night. She passed out, though she had felt Joel’s hands around her throat that night. The pills made her groggy the next day, but she had to go to work “to testify at a hearing” (136). That morning, Joel said that he had decided to let Gwen live. But, if she did anything else to disappoint him, he would kill her in her sleep.

The following Monday, Gwen called the counselor and told her what had happened. She referred Gwen to a woman named Rena Bishop who worked at the Council for Battered Women. A full day later, after getting up the courage, Gwen called Rena, who put her in touch with the lawyer, John Sweet, who handled the divorces of abused women. By the end of the week, John had drawn up Gwen’s divorce papers and a protective order. He then told Gwen to leave the house that night, but for her safety, they agreed that Tuesday was better.

Gwen recalled the day of her escape as a difficult one. She went to Natasha’s room the night before and told her to pack her things. She also said that she was going to pick her up from school the next day. The next day, Gwen’s divorce papers were filed. Gwen took her children to a hotel. She also arranged for Natasha to stay with a friend while Gwen and Joey went to the council and stayed in a dorm-like room. While it was supposedly the council’s best room, it was a big adjustment from Gwen’s large home. Also, Gwen found the staff’s reactions to her level of education and salary interesting, as they claimed she made more than they and wondered if she could help them find better work. 

In the summer of 1984, Gwen’s new favorite song was Morris Day and the Time’s “The Bird.” Joel was in prison, where he was to stay for one year. Gwen was free for the first time in a decade. Natasha remembered when her mother went to her on a Monday evening in October and told her they were leaving. The last time Natasha saw Joel was in the doorway at the top of the stadium. She had been cheerleading during a game. He sat in the stands in front of a friend and her father. Natasha waved and mouthed the words “Hey, Big Joe.” He left shortly thereafter. Years later, Natasha read in court documents that this simple greeting had saved her life. Joel had brought a gun with him and planned to shoot her, to punish Gwen for leaving him. He changed his mind after Natasha waved and greeted him.

In December 1983, after her divorce was finalized, Gwen moved Natasha and Joey into an apartment on Memorial Drive. Joel had checked himself into the VA hospital, but he was able to sign himself out at any time. While he was away, the three of them set about clearing out the old house. While going through files, Natasha discovered that Joey was her half-brother, not her stepbrother. Gwen had also never told Grandmother Turnbough this. When Natasha went outside to put some items in the moving van, she saw that Gwen had stacked all of Joel’s pornographic magazines next to the mailbox. There were five stacks, and each one was four feet tall.

Natasha was in her senior year of high school. She drove herself to and from campus. She also sat in the kitchen or on the screened-in porch instead of going directly to her room after school each day. She told no one what went on in her previous home. Joey was seeing a child psychologist to help him deal with the separation from his father. Gwen tried to find ways to help him feel better, including driving around in search of “a pair of blue suede Adidas sneakers” in his small size (147). It was several weeks before Christmas. Donny Hathaway’s “This Christmas” came on the radio and Gwen sang along. Natasha imagined it as the anthem for all of their future Christmases. Now, Natasha cannot hear the song without weeping, both in grief and joy.

On Valentine’s Day 1984, Joel made his first attempt to kill Gwen. Joey knocked on Natasha’s door while she was getting ready for school and said that he had seen Joel and Gwen get into a car together and drive off. Natasha called her grandmother, then the women’s shelter. The woman on the line at the shelter figured the event was innocuous, but Natasha knew that her mother would have never willingly gone off with Joel. She took Joey to the school bus stop. She then went to school and didn’t see her mother again until that evening. Gwen winced when her daughter hugged her.

Gwen then narrated the events of that day. Joel had brought her back to the apartment after he knew that Natasha and Joey were in school. She had called the police and stalled him by trying to have sex with him. When they heard a knock at the door, she told him she had to answer it because a maintenance person had come to fix the dishwasher. She opened the door to the police. Gwen later gave them a statement in which she told them that Joel had stalked her, hid behind the bushes near her apartment building, and hit her on the head when she refused to get in the state car that she drove to work. He then drove the car, despite her warning that it was illegal for him to do so. When they returned to her apartment, he ordered her to call her office and say that she was going to be late. If she said anything else, he threatened to cut the line. Joel then took Gwen to the bedroom and began beating her. This was after he had admitted that he had been following Natasha. Joel repeated that Gwen was untrustworthy. He then took out a needle with clear liquid. He tried to tie her hands. He pushed the needle into an arm. He said that the two of them would be dead by the next day. Then, they heard the knock at the door.

Joel was arrested and convicted not long after that incident. For the first time in many years, Natasha felt close to her mother again.