Listen for the Lie

“I don’t want to think about murder, but I can’t seem to stop it. […] It started not long after Savvy died. Everyone said I was a murderer, and I couldn’t say for sure that I wasn’t, so I started thinking of all the different ways I could have killed her.”

Lucy reflects on how she has had intrusive thoughts about murder ever since Savvy died. The presence of these thoughts points to The Effects of Physical and Psychological Trauma—specifically, the latter, in this case. The thoughts spring from Lucy’s self-doubt about her innocence, which in turn stems from everyone else’s conviction that she is guilty of murder.

“Norma: ‘You know Lucy Chase lives out there too? Horrible woman. Savannah was an absolute peach. Just the sweetest girl you ever met.’ […] This, I should note, was a common theme in my first few days in Plumpton.”

The early episodes of Ben’s podcast feature different people’s perceptions about Savvy and Lucy, and as he notes here, the recurring theory is that Lucy is unlikable while Savvy is the opposite. The reality of the two characters’ personalities, when they are eventually revealed, highlights the theme of The Gap Between Perception and Reality.

“Ivy: ‘It just sounded like Lucy was taking pity on Savvy.’ […] Ben: ‘Did Savvy get that impression from Lucy?’ Ivy: ‘No. Not that she said, anyway. But that girl had blinders on when it came to Lucy. She didn’t see the real woman.’”

Ivy Harper, Savvy’s mother, presents her views on Savvy and Lucy’s relationship. As is later revealed in the book, this is as far from the truth of the two women’s friendship as possible, with Savvy being Lucy’s support in Lucy’s time of need. This misunderstanding points to the theme of The Gap Between Perception and Reality. It is also ironic that Ivy believes Savvy didn’t see the “real woman” in Lucy, when in fact, the two women were the only ones who knew each other’s most intimate secrets.

“[O]n the podcast Nina actually didn’t sound like she hated my guts. She wasn’t passionately defending me, but she wasn’t throwing me under the bus either.”

Nina warmly greets Lucy in the grocery store, and Lucy reflects on how Nina was one of the few people who didn’t sound completely antagonistic about Lucy on the podcast. Later in the book, Nina’s motivation behind presenting such an attitude is revealed: She feels guilty about sleeping with Matt when he was still married to Lucy. Nina’s character is an example of how personal beliefs and motivations can greatly influence a person’s perception of a situation.

“‘You need him,’ she continues. ‘I do not need that idiot.’ ‘Yes, you do. People believe men. Especially men who look like that. If he says you didn’t do it—if he even casts enough doubt—people will actually believe him.’”

Beverly convinces Lucy to work with Ben, insisting that she needs him. What Beverly states about men like Ben being believable holds true for all the male characters in the book. Just like Ben, Matt and Emmett are also considered attractive and charming, and they have their version of events constantly taken at face value. Beverly is also eventually proven right about Ben’s words holding weight when it comes time to back up Lucy’s version of events.

“‘Emmett knew, right?’ Paige asks. ‘He got shifty when I asked him about it. […] I get the feeling Emmett is keeping a lot of your secrets?’”

Paige divines that Emmett knew the real reason why Lucy punched Ross. At this stage in the story, Emmett is presented as an old friend of Lucy’s who knows and wishes her well. He is likable, and he is currently on her side. When the truth comes out, Paige’s assertion that Emmett is keeping Lucy’s secrets rings ironic, as he is the one who killed Savvy, and keeps the events of the night secret for and from Lucy.

“Something stuck out to me during my conversation with Colin—he said that he went to see Lucy just two days after she got out of the hospital. He went there specifically to try to help her re-create the night her friend was murdered, which seems like a huge amount of stress to put on someone who just suffered a head injury. In fact, not many people talk about Lucy’s head injury at all.”

Ben points out to his listeners that while Lucy herself suffered an injury the night of Savvy’s death, this fact is rarely brought up at all; additionally, Lucy was not treated like someone who just underwent a tragedy by the people surrounding her right after the incident. Lucy’s guilt is assumed to be so absolute that people ignore the actual physical trauma she underwent, which in turn contributes to more psychological trauma in the long run.

“Ben: ‘What about self-defense? Lucy was badly injured. Were there conversations about how Lucy might have had to defend herself?’ Joanna: ‘From Savannah? That’s just nonsense. That girl was a little sweet thing.’”

Ben brings up Lucy’s injuries and questions how she may have obtained them, but people outright dismiss this alongside the possibility that Savvy could have ever been violent. Their perception of Savvy as sweet and incapable of violence is so strong, that they trivialize and dismiss Lucy’s experiences. The irony lies in how different the truth actually is: Lucy was the one in an abusive marriage, while Savvy was the woman with the murderous past.

“Emmett Chapman is one of those […] guys […] you don’t notice until you’re too old […] to appreciate him. Until you’re murdering people in your head (and maybe in real life, who knows?) and decide that, for his own safety and mental health, he should probably stay far, far away.”

Lucy reflects on how she finds Emmett attractive. Her view of Emmett signifies that Lucy, too, is not spared from confusing perceptions and reality. Her belief that she would pose a threat to Emmett’s safety and mental health is especially ironic: Emmett is the one who proves dangerous to Lucy in both the past and present timelines. He is also one of the causes of the mental health struggles Lucy faces in connection with Savvy’s death.

“I could still see Dad, five years ago, tears in his eyes as he gripped my shoulders. […] I remembered looking at him, at the hard set of his mouth, at the wild desperation in his eyes, and realizing that he thought I killed Savvy. He was sure I killed Savvy, actually.”

Lucy remembers how Don was convinced of her guilt five years ago; his attitude remains unchanged in the present as well. Having the people closest to her not believe in her innocence has a deep impact on Lucy’s psyche, and this is explored in the theme of The Effects of Physical and Psychological Trauma. Some healing takes place because of the support Lucy eventually finds in people like Beverly and Ben.

“‘I should have controlled my temper’ I said softly. I should have just cried. Taken the hits and crawled away to show my scars. I should have been a better victim. The truth doesn’t matter if you fight back.”

Lucy talks to Savvy about Matt’s abuse. This passage displays how well the two women knew each other and that they trusted each other implicitly; Savvy was the only person who knew about Matt’s abuse. The phrase about truth recurs here, and it points to the themes of both The Gap Between Perception and Reality and The Misogynistic Dismissal of Survivors: Lucy needs to have a certain kind of persona to be seen as believable as a “victim.” She does not think that people will presently believe her about Matt and his abuse, as she chose to fight back.

“She was a real no-nonsense girl. Just didn’t have time for any shit, you know? I’ve always admired that about her. […] And people hate that quality in a young woman, don’t they? They don’t know what to do with a girl who isn’t looking for their approval. They feel like they have to bring her down a peg.”

Beverly speaks about Lucy on the podcast. She describes Lucy very differently than others have. While Beverly’s perception of Lucy is obviously colored by her love for her granddaughter, her observations also ring true about why Lucy is believable. Beverly sees her as confident and assertive, and these are not traits people admire in young women or associate with survivors. This contributes to Lucy not being likable, as well as tarnishes her credibility.

“I cross my arms over my chest as she determinedly avoids my gaze. She doesn’t want me to talk about Dad’s affairs, and she doesn’t want Grandma to talk about Matt being an asshole. Mom is, as always, dedicated to protecting the men in her life above all else.”

Kathleen asks Lucy to be selective about the truth when she goes on Ben’s podcast. Kathleen is concerned about maintaining appearances above all else, including her own daughter’s well-being. The lack of warmth, empathy, and support she extends to Lucy contributes to the trauma Lucy experiences surrounding Savvy’s death. It is also why Lucy could have never confided in her parents about Matt’s abuse, as Kathleen would have been more focused on keeping up appearances than offering Lucy any real help.

“‘I wish she’d told me that you knew too.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because I thought that you didn’t really know her. Most people didn’t really know Savvy.’”

Maya, Savvy’s sister, changes her opinion about Lucy once she discovers that Lucy knows about Troy. This makes a difference to Maya because it proves that Lucy knows who Savvy really was and wouldn’t have hurt her, as they were genuinely close. Knowing that Lucy knows the real Savvy allows Maya to shed her own misperceptions about Lucy,

“Christ, I’m so popular suddenly. People find out that your first husband has been slapping around his second wife and everyone makes assumptions.”

After the podcast episode featuring Julia drops, Lucy gets a flurry of messages from friends and family. People’s perceptions of her change immediately because of Julia’s revelations regarding Matt’s abuse, although this has nothing to do with Lucy’s case. It further illustrates how the truth doesn’t matter, as public opinion about Lucy’s innocence or guilt has less to do with fact than perception.

“If I lie, I leave Julia out to dry. I should care about that. Woman solidarity and all that. But there’s no reason people won’t believe her. Julia is not me. She’s still likable. Still a good victim.”

Lucy wonders whether she, too, ought to tell the truth about her experience with Matt. Julia’s confession has lent Lucy credibility because Julia is believable as a survivor. However, Lucy also knows that because of this, even if she doesn’t corroborate Julia’s story, it will not impact the latter’s believability, as Lucy is perceived differently than Julia.

“I haven’t told Ben a lot of things about Nina. […] I can’t even remember exactly why Nina and Savvy didn’t like each other. I’m not even sure that anyone besides me knows how much they truly despised each other.”

Lucy reflects on how she has not shed light on Savvy and Nina’s relationship—especially the fact that the two despised each other. This revelation, directed only at the reader, is meant to add to the suspense in the book. Tintera reveals yet another character who had reason to wish harm upon Savvy, and the potential to be the killer as well, because she visited Matt the night Savvy died. This passage also highlights Lucy’s loyalty, as she is determined to protect Savvy’s image.

“Ben: ‘What about Savannah? Do you know if she had ever been in a fight or any kind of altercation?’ Lucy: ‘Not that I know of. Can’t really imagine it, honestly. Savvy was a really sweet, levelheaded person. I mean, you’ve heard it from lots of people on this podcast. Everyone loved her. She never could have hurt anyone.’”

Lucy publicly speaks about her relationship with Savvy for the first time. Like all the other guests on the podcast, Lucy, too, is guilty of presenting lies and misperceptions: She outright denies knowing of any violent altercations in Savvy’s past. Once again, Lucy demonstrates her loyalty as a friend, as she keeps Savvy’s secrets and protects her image.

“Ben: ‘Do you think it’s possible that you can’t remember partly because you don’t want to remember?’ Lucy: ‘No, I think it’s the head injury.’ Ben: ‘But all the hours before the head injury. Is it possible that you can’t remember because of the trauma of both your parents and your husband immediately deciding you did it?’”

Ben’s suggestion is the first time Lucy encounters the view that her memory loss is related to psychological and not physical trauma. Immediately after, Ben reveals that a therapist has confirmed the plausibility of this. Once Lucy encounters this idea, she begins to believe that she can recover the lost memories, and actively makes efforts to do so.

“‘The way we used to go at each other, hurt each other. It got to you and changed you, and I know that’s partially my fault. I don’t think you could stop yourself, that night.’ I draw a ragged breath. The way he’s describing the violence in our marriage—the violence he started, the violence that only ever left me with serious injuries—doesn’t seem right.”

Matt reveals that he was there the night Savvy died and explains why he protected Lucy. Although Matt asserts that he cares about Lucy’s well-being and believes himself partially responsible for what happened, these are just words: Matt manipulated Lucy into even believing that she could be violent in the first place. However, Lucy is able to pick up on the fact that Matt is misrepresenting facts and hiding something from her.

“‘You believed him, then? Matt.’ Dad looks up, startled. ‘Should I not have? I didn’t know then that…Well, I didn’t have the full story. But I didn’t have any reason not to believe him.’”

Lucy confronts her father about believing Matt’s version of events, and Don is surprised at the suggestion that he ought not to have. It doesn’t occur to Don to question Matt’s version of events even five years in. This speaks to Matt’s automatic believability simply because he is a man, highlighting the theme of The Misogynistic Dismissal of Victim Statements. It also displays how disconnected Don is from his daughter.

“It was strange how he seemed to have taken a sliver of truth and crafted a whole narrative for me. A narrative where he could rescue me. I certainly was unhappy, but I had loved Matt. It was why I hated him so much. Because I’d been madly in love with him at one point, and he hadn’t beaten it all out of me yet.”

Emmett asks Lucy to leave Matt for him, suggesting that Lucy has always been unhappy with Matt as she never truly loved him. Lucy recognizes that Emmett is crafting his own narrative of the situation to serve his own interests. This passage displays yet another example of how characters perceive events largely through the lens of their motivations and beliefs, and how this can be far removed from reality.

“‘He didn’t yell anything about killing me. He told you he was innocent.’ […] ‘Whatever. It’s close enough to the truth. People are going to believe whatever I say. Your word isn’t enough.’ ‘The truth doesn’t matter.’ Savvy’s words sound gentle this time. Less angry.”

After Emmett is apprehended by the police, Ben’s word is additionally required to back up Lucy’s story and finally absolve her. Beverly’s original assertion rings true: Lucy does, eventually, require Ben’s help and credibility to help solve the case and clear her name. However, Savvy’s gentle voice in Lucy’s ear points to how this is not an undesirable outcome. For the first time, the fact that the truth doesn’t matter as much as credibility has worked in Lucy and Savvy’s favor.