Juliet Takes a Breath

Throughout the novel, we see Juliet’s relationship with her mother change, as well as see other mother/daughter relationship dynamics. At the beginning of the novel, Juliet is nervous about coming out to her family, especially because her mother “was the gravitational pull that kept [her] stuck to this Earth” (12). Juliet loves her mom and cares a lot about what her mother thinks of her. When her mother reacts poorly to her coming out, it devastates Juliet. Her mother doesn’t accept Juliet for who she is, so Juliet goes searching for other women in her life who can.

Although Harlowe ends up becoming somewhat of a mother figure to Juliet, Juliet still constantly thinks of her own mother. When she first reaches Portland for her internship, Juliet feels nervous and uncertain of herself. She thinks about how whenever she’d be anxious at home, she’d rest her head in her mother’s lap and feel her run her fingers through her hair and “calm all the internal noise” (52). For Juliet, her mother was a source of quiet and calm, and without her Juliet has to learn to either lean on herself or find someone else to guide her. Even when Harlowe takes on a motherly role for Juliet, particularly in Chapter 11 when Juliet gets her period early, Juliet thinks of her mother. Harlowe takes care of Juliet by helping her relax her body, clean her bedsheets, and take a nice bath. Juliet is reminded of her first ever period and how she promised her mother that she’d always tell her the truth (131). Juliet keeps that promise as she continues to tell her mom that she’s gay and wait for her acceptance.

When Juliet goes to Miami to visit her cousin Ava, Juliet sees a different dynamic between a mother and daughter. Ava is bisexual and learns that her mother is bisexual, too, something that they are starting to celebrate together. Ava and her mother’s interactions with each other show Juliet the possibility of what her relationship with her mother could be like. She sees how telling the truth about herself could be rewarded with more love and acceptance, and this motivates her to strive for that kind of relationship with her own mother. Even after arguing about her identity with her mother and trying to convince her that her orientation is not a phase, Juliet feels her mother’s love. Towards the end of the book, they agree not to be the kind of mother and daughter that “don’t talk and all they do is fight” because the way they had been talking all summer was destructive to them both (270). Juliet’s mother may not understand parts of Juliet’s identity, but that doesn’t mean that she does not love her daughter.

Juliet ultimately decides that she cannot rely on her mother nor Harlowe to form or inform her identity. In meeting others who are comfortable in their identities and in recognizing the faults in the important female figures in her life, Juliet becomes the person she wants to be rather than a person molded from others’ ideologies.