Juliet Takes a Breath

Harlowe takes Juliet to get acupuncture done at her friend Lupe’s house. Juliet is excited to meet another Latina lesbian and also meets Lupe’s pregnant partner, Ginger Raine. While talking with Lupe, Lupe apologizes to Juliet for not checking in on her sooner, and Juliet discovers that she is not Harlowe’s first intern. The acupuncture relaxes Juliet, but when she is done, she overhears Maxine (Harlowe’s ex-partner) talking with Harlowe and Lupe. Maxine accuses Harlowe of not talking about how she harmed Juliet at the book reading by racially stereotyping her and believes that Harlowe brought Juliet to Lupe so that Lupe could make Juliet feel better instead of Harlowe making Juliet feel better. Harlowe gets defensive and tells them that Juliet is fine, which angers Juliet. Juliet reveals that she was listening to their conversation by asking “How would you even know,” and saying, “You never asked and that’s cool or whatever, but don’t act like you know how I’m feeling” (266). Harlowe walks out of Lupe’s house.

Juliet goes for a walk after the argument with Harlowe at Lupe’s house and decides to talk to her mother. On the phone, Juliet and her mother agree that they want a close relationship with each other. Juliet tells her mom that Harlowe isn’t who she expected her to be, and her mother encourages her to change the world without Harlowe.

When Juliet returns to Harlowe’s house, it’s as if Harlowe isn’t even there because she stays quiet and avoids Juliet. Juliet spends her last week in Portland continuing the research for her internship at the library and spending her time with Kira. Kira sees Juliet’s “beautiful brown everything” (275), and Juliet falls in love with her. Juliet tells Kira about the time she felt God in church, and Kira believes her. On their last night together, Kira leaves Juliet at Harlowe’s house, and Juliet wonders if she’ll ever see her again.

On Juliet’s last day in Portland, Harlowe apologizes to her and says she’s glad Juliet didn’t lose faith in her, which Juliet isn’t sure is true. Juliet goes with Maxine and Zaira to a ritual they call “the cleansing” (282). Although the car ride is joyful, Juliet asks Maxine and Harlowe about what they thought about Harlowe. They validate Juliet’s doubts about Harlowe and talk about how Harlowe’s whiteness “frames narratives of people of color around poverty and violence and propels her into perpetuating the very structures she’s trying to dismantle” (283). Maxine and Zaira point out that Juliet ran away after Harlowe racially stereotyped her at the Powell’s book reading instead of standing up for herself and correcting Harlowe’s racist views. Juliet questions why she is in Portland and reflects on how she “needed to learn self-love, like the real kind” (287).

When Juliet, Maxine, and Zaira make it to the Sandy River to experience “the cleansing,” they meet up with Lupe, Ginger Raine, and Harlowe. On the hike to the special spot in the river where they get in, Juliet starts to have an asthma attack from the physical exertion of the hike. Alone with Harlowe on that part of the trail, Juliet tells her that she doesn’t have her inhaler, and Harlowe tells her to hug a tree. Frustrated by Harlowe’s reaction because “asthma was serious and hugging some goddamn tree wasn’t going to help” (292), Juliet releases her pent-up anger on Harlowe. Juliet yells at Harlowe for saying racist things about her at the book reading, and Harlowe admits that she is racist and “any white person living in this damn country, if any of us tell you otherwise, is a liar and not to be trusted” (294). Harlowe still needs to work on herself and not think of herself as superior because she calls out other racist white folks. Juliet now knows that her need to change the world was not dependent on Harlowe at all like she thought it was. At the end of the hike, Juliet watches her friends float down the river for “the cleansing,” and she joins them.

In the Epilogue, Juliet returns home to the Bronx and into the loving arms of her mother. That night, she writes a letter to herself professing all of her self-love: “Love everything that brushes past your skin and lives inside your soul. Love yourself” (304).