I'm Glad My Mom Died

Jennette sits across from Steven at a bar as he marvels at the idea that he thought he was Jesus. After his time in the psychiatric hospital, he was put on lithium, and seemed to get back to his old self. Looking at Steven in the bar, Jennette is comforted in the same way she was when she would take in her mother after one of her health scares. She feels assured by how he talks about his delusions as something in the past. He apologizes for how much that must have scared her and says that he is glad that they are both working on themselves now. He tells her that everything will be good now, and Jennette agrees.

After three months of working with Jeff, Jennette has taken many steps toward recovery. She threw away all of her diet food and had to stay away from strenuous exercise. To her surprise, Jeff has her track her food. Confused, Jennette says that she thought that was a part of disordered eating. Jeff explains that eventually, he will have her stop tracking, but for now, it is a good way to keep tabs on her progress. She also writes down her emotions and thoughts when confronted with food. After reviewing her tracked meals, Jeff points out that Jennette will starve herself for most of the day, then binge late at night when her body is starving. Because of her negative associations with those foods, she then purges. He tells her that she will need to start eating regular meals and include the foods that scare her. Now, she is in front of a plate of spaghetti and finds herself panicking. Overwhelmed, she begins to cry, and heads to the bathroom to purge.

When Jennette tells Jeff that she made herself throw up, he reassures her that this is to be expected. He hands her an informational packet about normalizing slips. He tells her that learning to accept slips is one of the most important parts of recovery because oftentimes people with eating disorders are perfectionists. Jennette feels hopeful that this aspect of recovery may be the missing piece that has kept her from succeeding.

On her way out to a meeting, Jennette invites Steven to come along with her for the ride. She is concerned about him because he has started smoking weed all day. He gets so high he becomes essentially catatonic. He has no interest in getting a job, seeing friends, getting hobbies, or even leaving the house. Jennette has tried to support him, providing resources for getting help with his addiction. Steven has rebuffed these attempts, and as she moves further with her recovery from bulimia, they grow further apart. Barely acknowledging Jennette, Steven tells her that he will stay home.

While in therapy, Jennette often speaks with Jeff about how stressful she finds owning a home. When he asks why she doesn’t sell it, she doesn’t have a clear answer. She believes that it’s a good investment because people always say that. Jeff points out that she needs to invest in her mental health. Jennette admits that the house makes her unhappy but is resistant to selling it. She suggests that she could buy some plants, which Jeff says is not drastic enough. She says that she will hire an interior decorator.

The decorator pushes a trendy, loud style on her, even though she tells the decorator that she likes things to be simple. When loud, cheetah-print curtains arrive at the house, Jennette fires the decorator and realizes that nothing will change the fact that she hates this house. She decides then to sell it. A few days later, she tells her grandparents, and her grandma becomes upset. She accuses Jennette of being broke and demands to know what she is supposed to tell her friends. Eventually, she calms down, after Jennette tells her that she is moving into an apartment above a mall with an Ann Taylor Loft.

With the support of Colton and Miranda, Jennette prepares to meet her biological father, Andrew, in Newport Beach. She has learned that he is a jazz trombonist who has played on the soundtracks of many Hollywood films. He is playing a show, and Jennette has decided to show up and introduce herself. She has no idea whether he knows she exists, or what he will think, or if he has a family. She finds herself heading into a completely uncertain situation. When they get to the hotel, Jennette heads to the bathroom. Miranda follows her, and Jennette suspects that this is because she wants to make sure she does not throw up.

They watch Andrew’s band perform, and Jennette focuses on him the whole time. She cannot see a resemblance. When the show ends, she approaches him and says that they have something in common. This is enough for him to understand, and both of them begin to cry. He tells her that he knew about her but didn’t know if she knew about him. He says that he knew that her mother was dead because he saw it on television. Jennette feels a lot of emotions and is proud of herself for being able to feel them.

Jennette is on the verge of throwing out her scale. She has gotten rid of scales before, but always gets a new one the very next day. She is hoping that because she is doing this for her 24th birthday there will be some power in that. She hates how dramatic it sounds, to be someone who ties their self-worth to their weight and what the scale tells them, but it has been her reality for a long time. She drops the scale down the trash chute and does not buy a new one the next day.