I Am Watching You

Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2017

A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.

Download PDF

Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Chapters 1-10

Chapters 11-20

Chapters 21-30

Chapters 31-40

Chapter 41-Epilogue

Character Analysis

Themes

Symbols & Motifs

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

Beta

Discussion Questions

Symbols & Motifs

Flowers

Flowers are an important symbol and motif in the text, illustrating the impermanence of life and the possibility of hope in the face of despair. As a motif, flowers provide brief periods of relief against the grim reality of Anna’s tragic fate. The narrative uses vivid imagery to emphasize this sensory respite. For instance, this description of Ella preparing wedding centerpieces relies on color imagery: “red anthuriums, white roses, and Eustoma, against really glossy green foliage. It will look very striking with the white tablecloths and neutral room” (114). Apart from functioning as a motif, flowers and floral imagery are also key metaphors for hope, sanctuary, and creativity. Early in the novel, Ella describes how she has always been moved by flowers, finding joy in their colors and scents. Ella is also shown as her happiest when working with flowers, the systematic, creative work quieting the self-critical narrative in her head. Further, flowers represent the nurturing aspect of Ella and explain her investment in Anna’s case. Ella notes that she has “never forgotten the joy of learning to revive roses with fresh water…the miracle of them lifting up their heads again” (91). Like the roses, Ella wants to revive Anna in any way she can.

Anna too is associated with flowers; flowers symbolizing the beautiful ephemerality of her life. Henry notes that Anna loved flowers, her favorite being the wild primroses that grew on the family farm. The novel’s closing image is of Ella imagining Anna’s casket cloaked in a meadow-like flower arrangement, the wildflowers capturing the brief vividity of Anna’s life. The juxtaposition of Anna’s body, which has been kept in a freezer for a year, the somber casket, and the joyous flowers suggests that one must find beauty wherever possible in an arbitrary, bleak world. Apart from Anna, Lily can be said to represent a flower in the text as well. Named for a flower that symbolizes purity and fragility, Lily reinvents herself to saffron, a flower associated with vibrancy. This suggests that sometimes flowers can manage to bloom, despite all the odds.

The Ballard Farm

One of the novel’s key settings, the Ballard farm is a large undulating landscape at the edge of town, filled with pastures, a barn, and rentals. A concrete raised path leads to an impressive homestead at one end of the farm, fields sloping on either side of the road. The farm works as an important symbol in the text, representing a sanctuary, the myth of the ideal family, and nostalgia for the past. In Sarah’s recollection, the Ballard estate represents everything she desires in a home, “with its chaos and its dogs and its line of wellingtons in the boot room which was bigger than her mother’s kitchen” (84). For Sarah, the farm is a place of joy and warmth, with Barbara cooking incredible meals, such as Anna’s favorite plum flapjack scented with cinnamon. The farm—with its impression of life, wealth, and nurture—is in stark contrast to Sarah’s own seemingly run-down home and her distant mother. Thus, the farm represents the dream of a perfect home for Sarah.

However, as the text reveals, the vision of perfection Sarah perceives is flawed. Henry and Barbara have their share of troubles, with Henry having committed infidelity more than once. He and Barbara have grown distant from each other, with Anna’s disappearance ultimately tearing them apart. In practical terms, running the farm is proving impossible; Barbara often reminds Henry that he operates a tourist business, not a farm. Money comes in through the barns Henry has converted to holiday rentals, and his sheep and cows are dwindling. Yet for Henry, the farm represents an idealized past and a continuum with nature. Henry is often shown finding solace in the fields and with his animals, nature giving him a brief respite from his grief. In the end, both Sarah and Henry realize that one cannot get stuck in the dream of an ideal past or family but instead must reinvent with time.

Anonymous Postcards

An important motif in the text, the anonymous postcards sent to Ella are tied to the themes of The Psychological Impact of Guilt and Inaction and The Pervasive Threat of Violence Against Women. The postcards also serve as an important mover of the plot because they bring Matthew into the picture. Ella describes the first black postcard as arriving in an envelope, its cut-and-paste job “not even very well done. Still sticky to the touch” (25). Ella does not report that or the next postcard to the police, even though the fear makes her vomit because she feels she deserves to get the postcards accusing her of inaction. Ella’s reaction shows the extent to which guilt has impacted her psyche. It is later revealed that these first few postcards were sent to Ella by Jenny. Jenny, suffering from guilt herself because she did not accompany Anna to London, lashed out at Ella.

Once Jenny tells Tim about the postcards, he starts sending messages to Ella. The postcards change; Ella notes that they no longer arrive in envelopes but are personally deposited in her mailbox. This shows an upping of the ante, an intensification of the threat against Ella. While Jenny’s postcards were an example of a bereaved sister lashing out, Tim’s postcards are a deliberate mind game. Their messages are also more sinister, with Tim telling Ella, “You will Pay” (35). At the same time as Tim’s interest is piqued in Ella, he also begins to stalk her, drawing her attention to the fact that she is being watched. The black postcards now symbolize a dire threat to Ella and illustrate how Tim messes with Ella’s head to isolate and weaken her.