How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing

Davis emphasizes the importance of finding a “rhythm” instead of rigid routines for managing care tasks. She suggests adopting flexible patterns that allow for missed beats without falling off track. Davis shares her personal experience of moving from a chaotic approach to a structured yet adaptable schedule, like doing laundry every Monday or washing sheets every Thursday, regardless of immediate necessity.

She introduces rituals, such as her Five Things Tidying Method, to streamline tasks and reduce decision fatigue. Davis advises starting with small, manageable changes to existing habits, such as placing a laundry basket near a frequently- used chair or stacking dishes beside the sink. She highlights the significance of momentum over perfection, suggesting that even minor actions, like placing slippers by the bed, can build motivation for larger tasks.

Davis emphasizes the importance of maintaining a livable space over striving for perfection. She suggests selecting a specific area, such as a bedroom or kitchen, and identifying four to six tasks that, if completed weekly, would keep that space functional. For example, removing dishes, changing sheets, starting laundry, and taking out the trash can make a bedroom very livable.

She also discusses the benefits of establishing a simple cleaning schedule that fits one's lifestyle and highlights three key rules: The list serves you, missing days is morally neutral, and tasks don't need to be completed entirely. Davis encourages focusing on manageable monthly tasks for larger maintenance, like changing the AC filter or cleaning the refrigerator. Additionally, she introduces the concept of “Restock Day” to handle small, tedious tasks collectively, which makes them feel more productive.

Davis introduces the concept of “closing duties” inspired by the restaurant industry, where tasks are performed at the end of a shift to set up for the next day. She emphasizes doing small tasks like unloading the dishwasher, packing lunches, and taking medication as acts of kindness to your future self.

Davis introduces the idea of “survival closing duties” (129) for stressful days, focusing on the bare minimum necessary for functionality. She advises integrating these duties into your routine, adjusting them to fit your needs, and recognizing that the goal is not perfection but maintaining momentum and kindness towards yourself.

Davis addresses the distinction between a skill deficit and a support deficit. She emphasizes that many struggles attributed to a lack of skills are actually due to insufficient support. Davis argues that self-care cannot replace the care and support of a community.

She advises against exhausting oneself trying to “be better” and instead suggests focusing on rest and finding small joys. Reflecting on difficult times, she encourages compassion for oneself, recognizing that even when it feels like a failure, one is often doing their best given the circumstances. Davis shares a personal anecdote about her younger self in rehab, highlighting the importance of acknowledging and affirming one's efforts.

Davis challenges the notion that only certain people “deserve” help, stating that if one can afford assistance, it is functional and beneficial to seek it. She addresses the common embarrassment or guilt associated with hiring help, comparing it to seeking medical care, and asserts that it is not one's responsibility to manage a housekeeper’s judgment.

She shares her personal experience of hiring a grad student to help during a particularly challenging time, highlighting the relief and motivation it brought. For those unable to afford professional help, Davis suggests seeking assistance from friends or forming cleaning co-ops. She stresses that paying for help, whether it's cleaning services, meal delivery, or other support, is not pretentious but practical, and should be done with respect and fair compensation.

Davis reflects on how societal pressures and negative experiences, such as mandatory physical education (PE) classes and diet culture, have tainted the perception of exercise, transforming it from a source of joy to a burdensome task. She recounts how PE often stripped the fun from physical activity by forcing children to engage in monotonous exercises like running laps. Diet culture further exacerbated this by promoting exercise primarily as a means to achieve an ideal body shape, associating it with body shame and unpleasant experiences such as pain, boredom, and sweat.

Davis contrasts this with her joyful memories of movement, such as cheerleading, playing soccer, dancing at festivals, and celebrating sobriety at her wedding. She emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with the joy of movement, questioning when and why it was lost, and encouraging readers to rediscover the pleasure in physical activities.

Davis emphasizes that body weight is morally neutral and should not be the focus of care tasks. She underscores that feeding, resting, moving, and healing the body are essential care tasks, but making oneself thin is not. She advocates for the “Health at Every Size” approach, which prioritizes healthy habits over weight loss.

Davis shares her personal experience, reflecting on a comment suggesting she would look better if she lost weight. She dismisses this notion, realizing that her worth and happiness are not tied to her weight. She concludes that the love and happiness she experiences with her family are far more important than societal standards of thinness.

Davis emphasizes that food is morally neutral and everyone deserves to eat regardless of circumstances. She challenges the notions of good and bad foods, highlighting that kindness to oneself while eating is healthier than anxiety and perfectionism.

Davis explains that meal planning should reduce stress, not increase it. She suggests starting with simple, enjoyable meals rather than aiming for perfection. She also recommends considering toddler foods, which are designed for ease and nutrient content, as an option when feeding oneself becomes challenging.

Davis discusses the importance of self-compassion when unable to perform care tasks. She shares a personal anecdote about a day spent in pajamas watching movies with her kids due to fatigue.

Instead of viewing the day as a failure, she reframed it as a day of necessary rest and kindness. This positive self-talk allowed her to wake up the next day feeling motivated and ready to tackle care tasks again. Davis emphasizes that treating oneself with kindness during low-energy periods makes it easier to return to a productive rhythm.

Davis highlights the importance of prioritizing joy and functionality over exhaustive cleaning routines. She shares a comment from a follower who chose to spend a beautiful Sunday outdoors instead of doing an all-day cleaning marathon. This follower opted for a shorter, more manageable cleaning session upon returning home, demonstrating that extensive care tasks are not necessary to deserve enjoyment and relaxation.

Davis emphasizes that care tasks should serve to make life functional and joyful, not to dominate it. She encourages readers to internalize that their space should serve them, not the other way around, which can help ensure more spontaneous and joyful experiences.