How to Keep House While Drowning: A Gentle Approach to Cleaning and Organizing

Davis refers to times when the demands of work, relationships, activism, hobbies, and parenting exceed available time and energy. To help prioritize tasks effectively, she introduces the “9 square” tool. This tool involves listing self-care tasks and categorizing them based on their impact on mental health (high, medium, low) and the effort they require (low, medium, high). By placing these tasks in a 3x3 grid, individuals can visually determine which tasks to focus on and which to de-prioritize without guilt.

Using parenting as an example, Davis explains that during particularly stressful times, she de-prioritizes activities like limiting screen time and ensuring organic food, focusing instead on high-impact actions like showing affection, helping children understand their feelings, and providing positive reinforcement. This practical approach helps maintain functionality and well-being without the pressure of achieving perfection.

Davis highlights that, despite advances in gender equality in careers and personal ambitions, the burden of household and family care tasks still disproportionately falls on women. This dual load from both professional responsibilities and care duties can lead to overwhelming stress, negatively impacting women's mental health.

Davis notes that while men also face challenges with care tasks, they are less likely to feel societal pressure questioning their worth based on their proficiency in these tasks. She encourages readers of all genders to reflect on the messages they have received about women’s roles in care tasks and to consider how these messages influence their perceptions and relationships, as well as their own feelings about gender.

Davis describes her own postpartum laundry routine, which often involved forgetting clothes in the washer or leaving them unfolded on the laundry room floor. By maintaining a self-compassionate and non-judgmental approach, she was able to reduce the guilt associated with unfinished laundry tasks. This perspective allowed her to find functional and practical solutions that worked for her family.

For example, Davis realized that many clothes, such as baby onesies, do not need to be folded, which saved her time and effort. She advocates for rethinking traditional laundry rules and finding methods that make sense for one's individual needs, such as placing laundry baskets in every room, washing all clothes together on a designated laundry day, and storing all family members’ clothes in one central location.

Davis argues that if you're struggling to function, your primary responsibility is to take care of yourself, even if that means using paper plates or throwing away recyclables temporarily. She suggests that once you are functioning better, you will have the capacity to contribute more effectively to causes like environmentalism.

Davis categorizes good deeds into two tiers: The first tier includes behaviors that align with core ethical standards, such as refraining from racism, sexism, and other forms of discrimination, while the second tier encompasses additional morally-good actions, such as recycling or supporting ethical businesses, which are done when possible. Davis concludes by stressing, “No person can do all the good things all the time and expecting yourself to just sets up an oppressive perfectionism to which no one can live up” (66).

Davis emphasizes the importance of prioritizing essential tasks over less critical ones, using the metaphor of juggling glass and plastic balls. Glass balls represent crucial tasks like feeding yourself, caring for children or pets, taking medication, and addressing mental health—tasks that would have severe consequences if dropped. Plastic balls, such as recycling or maintaining a perfect diet, are less critical and can be temporarily set aside without significant impact.

Davis shares her personal struggle with brushing her teeth postpartum, which became an “impossible task” due to sleep deprivation and mental health challenges. She found a solution by using pre-pasted toothbrushes, despite the associated single-use plastic waste. Her friend, disability advocate Imani Barbarin, reassured her that using necessary items for health and functioning is not wasteful.

Davis argues that environmentalism and personal health should not be mutually exclusive. She criticizes the societal tendency to shame those with mental health or neurodiverse needs for using adaptive tools that generate waste, noting that such judgment is misguided. Davis underscores the principle of harm reduction, which focuses on reducing harm first to oneself, then to others, and finally to the community.

Davis outlines a step-by-step approach for tackling the often-overwhelming task of doing the dishes. First, prepare by boosting your mood with something sweet and music. Next, organize the dishes into categories to make the task feel more manageable and rewarding. Finally, wash or load the dishes by category.

Davis shares her own experience of gradually improving her dishwashing routine. Initially, she focused on getting dishes to the sink, which prevented mold and bacteria buildup. As her capacity increased, she began loading and running the dishwasher nightly. A breakthrough came when she bought a dish rack from IKEA, which allowed her to place dirty dishes in an organized manner, reducing the sense of overwhelm. She even added a second silverware basket for easy swapping. This functional, step-by-step approach makes the task of doing dishes less daunting and more achievable.

Davis discusses how having children has impacted her approach to care tasks. She explains that while children create more mess and make completing tasks more challenging at times, they also bring a structured routine that can make care tasks easier. Kids’ schedules—waking up, eating, napping, and bedtime—create a natural rhythm that can help in establishing routines like nightly closing duties. Davis acknowledges that her own struggles with care tasks existed long before she had children and emphasizes that one doesn't need to have children for their difficulties with care tasks to be valid.

Davis emphasizes that hygiene is functional and not a moral obligation, urging readers to be self-compassionate and to view barriers to showering and other hygiene tasks without shame. Davis suggests practical alternatives for those struggling with showering regularly, such as using a hygiene kit that includes baby wipes, dry shampoo, and other essentials that can be accessed easily around the home.

For those dealing with difficult hair care, especially when matted, Davis provides specific advice and includes input from Dr. Raquel Martin on caring for Black hair. She also tackles dental care, recommending the use of disposable toothbrushes, children’s toothpaste for milder flavors, and electric toothbrushes to make the process easier. Davis insists, “Remember that anything worth doing is worth doing half-assed” (83), which promotes a realistic approach to personal care for those going through tough times.

Davis emphasizes the importance of caring for your body even when you don't like it. She shares a personal story from her childhood about choosing to care for an injured, unappealing cat, drawing a parallel to how we should approach our bodies. Davis suggests viewing your body as separate from yourself, which makes it easier to care for it without judgment. She highlights that caring for your body, regardless of your feelings towards it, can lead to a better relationship with it.