Girl in Pieces

Charlie and Riley bond at work. After discovering that Mikey has a girlfriend, Charlie experiences an emotional setback. Ariel offers her a free art class.

Riley does not mention seeing Charlie in the alley, but he slips her some food at lunch. She returns to the library to look at art books and use the computers. An invitation to a party from Mikey is waiting for her when she returns home, and she is hopeful that she could be “a real girl” with him (184).

At the party, Mikey asks if she will be okay around alcohol. She swears that she will but privately is unsure. Mikey is called away briefly, leaving Charlie alone. Watching the band and crowd interact, she realizes that she has missed being a part of something. Riley turns up, clearly interested in Charlie. Her feelings are conflicted. She wants the normalcy Mikey represents but is also drawn to Riley, though she knows he is a mess.

Mikey returns with a willowy blond, Bunny, his girlfriend. Bunny is kind and friendly, but Charlie bolts, finding her way to the kegs and quickly downing three beers to “tamp down the fire stroking itself inside me” (189). She feels “utterly alone” among all the people and ignores Mikey when he calls her (189). He follows her out of the party, refusing to let her walk home alone.

Drinking the beer chips away at a protective wall Charlie had not known she needed. Mikey follows her to her apartment and realizes that she likes him. She asks him to leave, but instead, he embraces her and apologizes if he led her on. She kisses him, and for a moment, he reciprocates but then pulls away, saying he “can’t do that” (192). This time when Charlie tells him to leave, Mikey does. Louisa’s words echoing in her head, Charlie feels stupid and ashamed. Not wanting to cut, she wraps up her tender kit, hides it away, and draws until morning.

The next day, she returns to the library to email Blue asking how they can live in fear of their own bodies’ urges. When she returns home, Mikey is waiting for her with a bag of food. He admits that he came to Arizona for college to get away from her and Ellis’ games, which exhausted him. He tells Charlie that he wants to be her friend and wants to help her.

She agrees to join Mikey at a gallery art show. Ariel is there. While Mikey circles the exhibit, Ariel chats with Charlie, telling her about the artist. Charlie prefers narrative art to this artist’s color blocks, and Ariel suggests that color can tell a story too. She invites Charlie to sit in on one of her classes in exchange for help cleaning the studio, explaining she too was once “a starving artist” (199). Later, Mikey tells Charlie that Ariel is “kind of a big deal” and encourages Charlie to take the class (201). Returning home, Charlie finds a note from Riley asking her to wake him up for work the next day.

Riley and Charlie grow closer at work. Red flags about Riley’s drinking and the coffeehouse’s financials appear. Mikey informs her that his band is going on tour for the summer.

Charlie asks Riley about his failed music career. He blames it on “the same old rock and roll story,” noting that his best skill is “[b]eing a disappointment” (204). Charlie relates to his feelings. As she and Riley walk to work together, Charlie notices that his hands are shaking.

A woman, Bianca, shows up at True Grit demanding to be paid. Linus is upset and Riley evasive. He writes Bianca a check, and she warns that if it bounces like the last one, she will stop doing business with the coffeehouse. Later in the kitchen, Charlie catches Riley vomiting into a garbage can. She recognizes that he is experiencing withdrawal symptoms. When he begs her to keep quiet, she feels conflicted. She believes that she let Ellis down and does not want to do that again. She empties the garbage can and says nothing to Linus. At the end of her shift, Riley gives her a bag of food. Charlie understands that accepting the food means keeping his secrets but is too hungry to say no.

Later at the library, Charlie finds an email from Casper encouraging her to be active in her recovery and providing contact information for local support groups. Blue has also emailed her again, sharing that she is working hard in group. Charlie wonders if Blue is as lonely as Charlie and answers Blue’s email with a hopeful tone.

Several days later, Riley informs Charlie that Mikey will be away for the summer on tour with the band. Mikey later confirms this when he and Charlie go to lunch. He encourages Charlie to take Ariel’s class, adding that Ariel may need Charlie’s help. Charlie scoffs, saying she has nothing to offer, and Mikey reveals that Ariel’s son died of a drug overdose a few years earlier.

Mikey also suggests Charlie get in touch with Bunny, telling Charlie she does not have to be “such a cold fish” (217). Charlie is offended, but Mikey reiterates his concern about Riley being a bad influence and the importance of Charlie making “the right friends” (218). Angry and scared, Charlie says no one will want to be with her because she looks and feels “like a freak” (219). Mikey replies that “[t]here is nothing wrong with” her (219). Charlie privately wishes he had said that the things she knows are wrong with her do not matter but promises him that she will be okay. Later that night, Charlie drops off Ariel’s cross in a bag with a note, “I’m sorry” (220). 

Charlie makes an effort to connect with her coworkers. She notices that Riley’s drinking has escalated, and he asks her to get drugs for him during a shift. Mikey leaves town for his band’s tour.

During a slow shift, Charlie notices the easy camaraderie between Linus and Tanner, a waitperson who is training as an EMS. She has felt like an outsider since childhood. She was picked on, angry, and felt like “damaged goods” (222). She concludes that she is not a “cold fish” as Mikey said but simply does not believe that she matters (217). Making an effort to join Tanner and Linus’ conversation, Charlie tells them about Ellis’ idea to do a cover of You’re the One That I Want. Meanwhile, she notices that Riley is slurring and again feels torn whether to tell Linus how much Riley drinks. She decides to keep silence. At the end of her shift, he gives her a sandwich and cake.

Charlie returns to the library to research Ariel and discovers that her son had bipolar disorder, failed out of school, and disappeared, eventually dying in Brooklyn. Charlie wonders if her mother thinks about her; she considers sending her an email but decides not to because her mother has not checked up on her. She leaves the library feeling “utterly alone” (226).

Mikey stops by her apartment before leaving for his tour to urge Charlie to “stay strong” and provide her contact information for himself, Bunny, and Ariel (227, italics in original). At work, Riley insists on seeing Charlie’s scars. He wants her to wear short sleeves and “fuck the world” (229). She receives her first paycheck and is dismayed: The amount is too small to cover both rent and essentials. Overwhelmed and panicky, Charlie takes a long bike ride past a house that she likes. Bedsprings serve as a trellis for a garden, and a mural decorates the house’s exterior. Charlie wonders how to get a house and yard and “feel comfortable in the very air around me” (231).

At work, Riley asks Charlie to get him drugs during her break, offering to pay her. She thinks of Ellis asking Charlie to lie for her and Evan begging her to help him get a fix. She reminds herself that the one time she did not help Ellis, she “lost her” (236). She does not want to relapse into harmful patterns, but she needs the extra money. Getting the drugs fills her with mixed emotions. She is elated by the danger of the situation but feels despair at having broken another of Casper’s rules.

Emotional overwhelm makes her want to cut, but the sight of her scars stops her. She pays her neighbor for alcohol and drinks enough to “tamp down my anxiety” (237). When she opens the bag of food Riley gave her, she finds twenty dollars. She draws a mural on the wall beside her bed “to wrap me up and keep me safe” (238).