Ghosts

To celebrate Bill’s 77th birthday, Nina and her mother organize a small dinner with Gloria and her husband, Brian. However, Bill is distant and confused for most of the party and refuses to eat, even though Nina carefully planned a menu of all his favorite foods from childhood. Bill asks if his mother is coming to the party and everyone remembers to go along with the delusion, but Bill becomes increasingly agitated when they tell him that she isn’t coming, and he tries to call her on the phone. Gloria turns the conversation to where Bill was born and his middle name. When Nina reminds them that she is named after George Michael because his song was number one on the charts the day she was born, Bill says that she’s wrong. “Lady in Red” by Chris de Burgh was the number one song. Nancy is certain that he is incorrect, but Nina Googles and finds that Bill is right. The revelation is startling to Nina, who feels she has been deceived by her mother. Nancy brushes it off as no big deal, but Nina explains that it is a big deal to her: “You have lied to me for thirty-two years about who I am” (252). Nancy dismisses Nina’s protests, claiming that a person is defined by who they decide to be each day, not the song they’re named after. Nina takes a walk to calm down. When she returns, her father can’t remember her name and refuses to eat his birthday dessert, bananas and condensed milk. Later, Bill slices open his hand while trying to open a can of beans with a knife.

Distraught after the birthday party, Nina waits for her train and downloads Linx again. As she scrolls through the “meaningless declarations of identity” (255), she thinks about how her father is losing his identity each day and how she wishes there was a way to preserve it. Nina meets Katherine for dinner, but she is 30 minutes late and still upset from the birthday party. Katherine invites Nina to attend Freddie’s naming ceremony but doesn’t seem to care about Nina’s problems, and Nina is hurt that Katherine skipped her book launch to go to a birthday party for Mark’s friend’s wife. Reaching her breaking point, Nina tells Katherine that she is too self-absorbed in her family life to care for her friends. Katherine defends herself, saying that she can’t shoulder more stress right now and Nina’s life feels too full of drama. Katherine abruptly leaves the dinner, and Nina walks the streets of London for hours until she arrives at Albyn Square. After hopping the fence into the garden, she once again returns to her memories of living there with her family. She also remembers when she was there with Max. Nina postulates that all humans have an innate desire to return home, to the comfort and care of their parents. Nina takes the train home and finds Max waiting for her outside her apartment.

At first, Nina fantasizes about how their reunion would look in a cheesy romantic comedy, but instead, she angrily demands where he has been. Max wants to hug Nina, but she keeps him at a distance while he explains that he has been in London the entire time. Despite her reluctance, Nina allows Max inside, and he explains that he panicked over how fast their relationship was moving, and he feared that he couldn’t be the man she deserves. Nina reminds him that he was the one who mentioned marriage and love first. Max also admits that he dated during their break. Max apologizes multiple times, and they have makeup sex on the floor, though Nina feels disembodied during the experience. Max stays with Nina for a week while they rehash his absence daily until Nina finally feels satisfied. Yet, she still can’t trust him and checks his phone looking for evidence of his dishonesty. At Nina’s insistence, Max reveals that he dated a woman 14 years younger than Nina during their break. They ended the relationship because Max was in “a very confused place” (271). Max tells Nina that he is no longer confused and wants to be with her.

They gradually work back into a normal rhythm of a relationship. Nina tells her mother and Lola about Max’s return, but she is still not speaking to Katherine. A month later, the couple decides to go away for a weekend in the country. Nina describes it as “playing house” and feels like they are “two children pretending to be adults” (276). One afternoon Max returns from a run to find Nina in the kitchen, and he tells her that this vision of her, cooking in their kitchen, is all he wants in life. He also mentions having children, a conversation they often have, which sends a primal thrill through her. She sometimes feels like Max is teasing her with the idea of having a family, knowing that it is her deepest desire. She jokingly reminds him not to say such things that might scare him away again.

Max reads Nina’s latest column and remarks how fortunate she is to be doing what she loves. He hates his career and is miserable in his job. Nina suggests that he pursue a career in the outdoors since he loves it so much, but when she suggests making a list of all his passions, Max gets angry and refuses to participate. The mood is tense on the way back home from their trip, but later in bed, Max finally shares about his family life. His father left them when he was only two years old and fathered many children with other women. Consequently, he and his mother never had enough money, which is why he is so bent on keeping his job. Though Nina keeps most of the details of her father’s illness private, she shares with Max how her parents’ relationship has shifted over the years, particularly now that Bill is sick and Nancy is his caregiver. Max falls asleep while she is talking.

Nina has drinks with Jethro and Lola and struggles to hear the saccharine details of their perfect relationship. Jethro appears overly enthusiastic to meet her and openly talks about things like female orgasms, which makes Nina uncomfortable. Lola says that she and Jethro are planning to buy a house together, but Nina discourages her from taking such a big step. However, Lola is resolved, and Nina is thrilled to see her friend finally happily in love. It’s been four days since they returned from their trip and Nina hasn’t heard from Max. He won’t respond to her texts or phone calls. Nina sees girls playing netball and it reminds her of when she and Katherine played together in school; she admits that she deeply misses her oldest friend. When she arrives home, Nina overhears Angelo arguing loudly with a woman inside his apartment. Nina shouts at them to open the door, threatening to call the police. A young woman answers, and when Nina offers help, she just looks at her confusedly and slams the door.

Nina texts Max that he is ghosting her again. She begins leaving her phone at home to protect her mental health, saying, “If he was ghosting me again, this time I wanted the exorcism to happen as quickly and painlessly as possible” (290). She returns home later to find many missed calls from her mother. Bill fell and has been taken to the hospital. When Nina arrives at the hospital, Bill is asking for his mother like a small child. Nina and her mother step away to let him rest and she tells Nancy that they must hire more help. Nancy takes offense, thinking that Nina is suggesting that she isn’t caring for Bill properly, and Nina counters that Nancy isn’t taking his illness seriously enough. They argue and Nancy collapses into tears, explaining that she does care deeply about Bill and isn’t ready for him to die. Nina feels empathy for her mother and finally understands all her bizarre behavior of late. They speak with Gwen on the phone and explain that they need help hiring more care. Gwen reminds Nina to be gentle with her mother. Nina speaks with her father again. He seems more lucid, but he thinks Nina is in the seventh grade and preparing for a violin exam. She tells him that she is struggling to make sense of her life since it isn’t going as planned. Bill reminds her that a person can’t plan for life’s unpredictability. Nina realizes that even though she is losing one version of her father, his soul will remain intact. 

Katherine comes to Nina’s apartment drunk and disheveled. She wants Nina to go out dancing with her. Nina takes Katherine to the club where she and Max had their first date. When the DJ plays “The Edge of Heaven,” Nina tells Katherine her mother lied about the song. Katherine feels sick and they quickly exit the club just as she vomits. Nina takes Katherine home and tenderly bathes her, makes her coffee, and puts her to bed. As Katherine sobers up, she explains that caring for two children is overwhelming and she fears that she is a bad mother. She and Mark had a fight, which precipitated her running away to Nina’s apartment. Nina assures Katherine that she is a good mother. They discuss Max’s abandonment and Nina admits she is partly to blame for having missed many signs that he wasn’t the right partner for her. She says she is going to focus on spending time with her father instead of looking for a mate. Katherine admits to being a bad friend to Nina recently and apologizes for not being more present in her life. Nina lets Mark know that Katherine is safe with her and they spend the next day in bed, eating and watching old movies. They agree to work harder on their friendship going forward.

After Katherine leaves, Angelo barges into Nina’s apartment demanding she return his packages. Nina denies having them, but Angelo persists, and she points to where she has been hiding them. They begin a shouting match and Angelo accuses Nina of being “crazy,” but she proclaims that the word has no power over her anymore. No longer afraid of Angelo, Nina prepares to physically defend herself, even wishing she could hit him, but instead, she kisses him. They have sex in the kitchen and Nina stays fully present in her body, unlike her experience with Max. After they collapse on the floor, Angelo explains that he doesn’t hate Nina but that he’s had a difficult year because his girlfriend left him. He’s been depressed and took it out on Nina. They agree to be friends and not have sex again. Angelo is from Parma and the knives and white powder are from his mother for making and curing prosciutto, a food that reminds him of home.

Lola sends Nina their SOS signal, a penguin emoji text, and Nina thinks that Jethro has proposed. However, when Lola meets her, she explains that Jethro left and hasn’t returned. He says that their relationship moved too fast and that he isn’t ready to commit. Infuriated, Nina goes to Jethro’s apartment to confront him, wishing that she had done the same to Max. After Jethro gives a half-hearted explanation for his behavior, Nina explains that he can’t go around making women think that he wants to marry them and wasting months and years of their life. Though she knows his behavior won’t change, Nina feels better having defended her friend and herself against such men.

Nina and Lola spend the rest of the night drinking in her apartment. Lola wants to download Linx again, but Nina says that she is done dating for now, having lost hope that she will meet the right person. Lola says that she remains hopeful and offers to carry that hope for them both until Nina has healed. Nina tells Lola about her tryst with Angelo. The revelation shocks Lola and she wonders if Nina likes him. Nina explains, “I think I needed to have sex with someone who couldn’t disappear” (330). Lola adds another story to their Schadenfreude Shelf about her friend Camille, who fell in love after an ayahuasca journey only to return home and later realize that she hated him. The man was so angry that he stuffed her AC unit with shrimp, which rotted and filled the home with a putrid smell for weeks. Nina relates the story to Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream, which she once taught, and wonders if falling in love is like being under a spell. Lola downloads Linx to Nina’s phone and hands it to her expectantly.

For Nina’s 33rd birthday, she has a small picnic in Albyn Square. She invites Katherine, Mark, and their children, Lola, Joe and Lucy, who are pregnant, and her parents. She requests that everyone bring their favorite childhood food, which will help her complete her book research. Lola is going on a date later with a man she met on a new dating app. Nina stares at her favorite mulberry tree and knows that it will always be a part of her even when it is gone. Bill remembers Albyn Square and Nina basks in his moment of clarity, resolving to stop obsessing over how quickly he is losing his memories. Katherine produces a cake, and as everyone sings “Happy Birthday” Nina thinks about all the possibilities that lie ahead in the year to come.