Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing

The author describes his experience at a “trauma camp” in Florida. Group therapy involves sharing and reliving traumas to achieve catharsis. The treatment makes Perry shake, but he cannot cry like the other patients. The author reveals that in rehabilitation centers, other patients are generally unimpressed by his celebrity status. For example, a fellow patient in her seventies claims to be a Friends fan but repeatedly forgets encountering Perry in group sessions.

Perry is sober for two years and decides he wants a long-term partner and children. During this period, he falls in love with Laura—a TV writer and stand-up comedian. At the same time, he becomes infatuated with a woman named Rome, who he meets at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Perry secretly dates both women simultaneously, but after six months, he decides his long-term future lies with Laura. Rome is angry when he ends their relationship.

After choosing Laura, Perry’s growing intimacy with his girlfriend begins to scare him. Consequently, he starts taking pills again. His addiction escalates, and six months later he goes to a Malibu sober living house. Laura ends their relationship. While weaning himself off the detox drug Suboxone, Perry’s withdrawal symptoms include suicidal feelings. Afraid of being alone, he spends $300 on flowers for Laura. Visiting his former girlfriend, he declares he wants to marry her. As they are talking, Rome enters Laura’s house, and it is clear the two women are close friends. Realizing his mission is hopeless, Perry flies to a recovery center in Colorado to detox from Suboxone. Years later, the author apologizes to Laura and Rome and discovers that they met at an AA meeting. He invites the women and their new partners to dinner at his home. After they leave, Perry feels lonely.

The author recounts two episodes of accidental, comic violence. The first occurred during a dinner party with Cameron Diaz. Although it was supposed to be a date, Diaz was clearly not attracted to him and got “stoned.” When Perry made a joke, she responded by aiming a punch at his arm. However, she missed and punched him in the face.

The second incident occurred in 2004 when Perry met one of his comedy heroes—Chevy Chase. In tennis doubles against Chase and his partner, Perry served at over 100 miles per hour. The ball hit Chase in the testicles, and he was rushed to the hospital.

The author recounts various incidents from his life, illustrating the severity of his addictions. While staying in a New York hotel with sober companions, he orders hotel staff to hide bottles of vodka in his bathtub. He also admits to stealing pills from medicine cabinets when looking around open houses.

While filming the romantic comedy Serving Sara, opposite Elizabeth Hurley, he is so incapacitated by drugs and alcohol that he naps between scenes, waking up just long enough to “scream into a camera” and then go back to sleep (209). Although no one on set challenges him, he knows everyone involved in the movie is angry. After going to a rehabilitation center, he returns to complete the film. Perry’s speech is slurred for much of the movie, so he tries to make amends by rerecording his voice. He also goes out of his way to promote the movie. Despite his efforts, the film is a flop.

The author revisits some of his lowest moments. He describes his shame and regret when he realized his opiate addiction had caused his colon to rupture. He also recalls waking in his Los Angeles apartment to find his mother and Keith Morrison in the room. Perry and his girlfriend had passed out from drugs the previous evening, and his mother told the girlfriend to leave. The author expresses gratitude to both his parents for their support. For example, he describes how his father intervened with the makers of Friends when they pressured his son to return to filming.

Perry now considers himself sober, despite continuing to take the detox drug Suboxone. He partially attributes his sobriety to the severity of his addictions. While working on Mr. Sunshine, he drank up to 14 double vodkas every night and did not feel intoxicated. The author believes that his tolerance for drugs and alcohol became so high that he could not satiate his addiction.

Perry claims he would swap places with any of his less successful friends who do not have the disease of addiction. However, he believes that the severity of his struggles leaves him well-placed to help other people as an AA sponsor. The author credits Alcoholics Anonymous with teaching him how to be a better person. For example, the AA process of taking a personal moral inventory helped him to become less egotistical. He also acknowledges that his fear of being abandoned was irrational. He notes that few women have rejected him, and only one deeply hurt him. Perry describes recently seeing the former girlfriend at a play reading. While she revealed she had two children, he had to admit to being single.

The author reveals that, as a consequence of his opioid addiction, he needs further bowel surgeries. Perry also notes that he has gained weight from giving up smoking and barely recognizes himself. Nevertheless, he perceives himself as a more mature and authentic human being. He is now content to write, collect art, and look for a life partner with whom he can have a family. The author is also having a new house built.

Perry’s therapist tells him to imagine life with a permanent colostomy bag whenever he thinks about OxyContin. The therapy works, creating an aversion to his favored drug. Perry feels that the only viable replacement for Oxycontin is heroin, which he fears will kill him. Consequently, his craving for drugs disappears.

After quitting Oxycontin, 52-year-old Perry notices he is wheezing. Consulting a doctor, he learns that his lungs are so damaged he will die by 60 if he does not quit smoking. Struggling to give up the last of his addictions, Perry consults hypnotist Kerry Gaynor. After a few sessions, he gives up cigarettes with few withdrawal symptoms. Soon afterward, the author’s top teeth fall out when he bites into a slice of toast. Pain from the resulting dental work prompts Perry to return to smoking. However, he consults Gaynor again, determined to quit for good.

Perry confirms that he is still sober, no longer smokes, and shares his home with his assistant Erin. He admits he did not envision being single at the age of 52. However, he feels grateful for all the people who have been important in his life. He acknowledges his parents, his friends, the women in his life, the people who helped him overcome addiction, and his costars. Recalling the moment from Chapter 7 when he alone was unable to cry at the filming of the final episode of Friends, he says that during the Friends reunion, he was the cast member who cried the most. He now feels able to embrace life and new challenges. He is currently writing screenplays and has taken up the sport of pickleball. Addressing the reader directly, Perry offers the benefit of his experience. When facing a crisis, he advises readers to ask, “What would Batman do?” (250).