Flamer

Aiden and Elias stifle laughs as they listen to their archery instructor explain the different parts of an arrow and eventually get separated. Aiden attends an orienteering class next but is too distracted to pay attention after he is subjected to racist insults by a boy from another patrol. He laments that it is when he’s not actually thinking about being different that someone comes along and reminds him that he’s “totally abnormal” (104). He remembers times he was bullied in middle school and again begins to feel anxious about high school.

At lunch, he discusses an X-Men comic he is reading with David Green. Aiden’s favorite character is Jean Grey because she can read people’s minds and know their feelings, which David, who likes Wolverine for how “badass” he is, can’t believe. Aiden fantasizes about having Jean Grey’s powers and being able to get revenge on the people that mistreat him, but also considers that if he was Wolverine, he could cut off his fat and instantly heal.

Aiden attends the basket-weaving class he signed up for. He figures it will be like making hemp bracelets, which he finds calming. David signed up for it as well because it sounded like less work than the other available options. As they head toward the trading post to get their basket-weaving kits, they discuss girls. Aiden tells him about Marie, who he thinks is pretty and has the best hair, but David just wants to know about her body. Aiden mentions that if he were a girl, he’d like Elias. This throws David off, but they continue talking about girls he likes. They cross paths with the boy who subjected him to racist insults earlier in the day, who throws more racist and anti-gay insults at Aiden. David sticks up for Aiden, but Aiden runs off crying.

Back at their campsite, Mark Jones asks Aiden why he’s crying. Aiden tells him the boy called him a “Chinese faggot.” Mark doesn’t understand why he didn’t just say it back. This upsets Aiden even more, as he hates the slur and isn’t okay with using it just because everyone else does. Mark tells him if he’d just “man up” and stop crying so much everyone would stop thinking he was gay and leave him alone.

After the ordeal, Aiden reflects that he knows he’s not gay because he hates boys. He doesn’t understand them, finds them mean and scary, and thinks they’re always saying or doing dumb things. At school he was taught that being gay is a sin, and that gay people do bad things. He reasons that he can’t be gay because he always tries to do good and is not a bad person.

As he chops wood, he thinks about how sorry he feels for gay people because of how mean everyone can be. He can’t imagine what it would be like being gay out in the open and having everyone hate you. He wishes that there was no such thing as being gay because then people wouldn’t be in so much pain, even for people like him, who are mistaken for being gay. He also explains that he once read that the word “faggot” comes from the fact that in medieval times, gay people were burned alive at the stake as if they were human firewood. David approaches him to check if he’s doing alright and tells him to forget it all. The two walk back toward camp together.

That night, Aiden is invited into a tent where Elias, Mark, and Bobby are attempting to ejaculate into a pop bottle. If someone is unable to do it, they’re supposed to drink it. Aiden remembers when he discovered masturbation by accident a couple of years earlier. He was home alone and found a pornographic film hidden behind the TV. He started to watch it a lot, and soon realized it felt good to touch himself. However, he always felt guilty about doing it and assumed it was a sin.

At camp, he feels like he is in danger by sitting in a tent with masturbating boys. He leaves. Lying in bed, he feels weird and gross, but also excited. He dreams that he is Jean Grey and Elias is Cyclops. They kiss and he wakes up.