Falling Over Sideways

“I have probably gotten that look ten thousand times since the morning last September when my father—and my life—tilted and slumped over sideways.” 

Claire references the novel’s title, Falling Over Sideways, by hinting that something disastrous happened to her father. This disaster, a stroke, upends every family member’s life. Sonnenblick cleverly uses foreshadowing here to draw in reader engagement.

“Obviously, everything about school was designed by men, and periods prove it.” 

Claire uses humor effectively throughout the narrative, and though only 13, she provides astute social—even political—insight into how things are. Schools don’t want girls discussing periods, yet make it difficult for them to deal with their periods in private—rules clearly made by men. Claire can’t carry her tampon in a solid-color bag due to Homeland Security rules, yet it would be mortifying to brazenly carry one in her hand.

“I knew it was stupid, and that Leigh lived to make other girls feel bad, but I couldn’t help it.”

Claire addresses bullying by showing how much the perception of others affects people. Though she knows Leigh shouldn’t have any say about Claire’s identity, one word or look from Leigh creates a stressful school environment where girls focus on their popularity.

“What if video games, repeated brain injuries from sports, and genetically modified foods have destroyed their higher mental functions?” 

Claire muses on contemporary social issues with her trademark humor. Do students suffer from the negative influences of violent video games, and have nutritionally deficient food offerings at school led to poor performance or violent behavior?

“The thing about being thirteen is that every time you think life just couldn’t possibly get more awkward, it proves you wrong.”

One struggle of adolescence: Being awkward is often seen as a weakness. Claire believes that the universe loves piling things onto her plate—a self-centered perspective that undergoes dramatic reversal during the narrative. 

“Well, maybe you need to struggle some more!” 

Claire shouts this at her father the night before he has a stroke, which explains the guilt that Claire carries around afterwards. Sonnenblick reminds readers to be careful with their words.

“Sometimes, just when I was about to grab him, he would spin around, grab me, and say, ‘No, I catching you!’”

Claire recalls this memory of a game she used to play with her father. She would ride on his back, pretending he was a horse, and he would catch her when she’d fall. The recall is significant because, once Claire’s father has a stroke, Claire initially feels like he will never be able to catch her again, suggesting that she misses the safety that her father symbolizes.

“Well, with a stroke, the saying is that time is brain.”

Claire learns a valuable lesson from the first-responders who assess her father and rush him to the hospital right after his stroke. “Time is brain” means that stroke victims only have a certain window of time—three hours—from first symptom before they fall into a critical window. Claire takes this saying and applies it later to remain strong and complete her dances within a specified window of time.

“Like, newsflash: If you’re dancing, there are no problems.”

Claire often feels foolish about how much trivial issues like dancing and band lessons bother her when her father just suffered a stroke. With her usual humor, she jokes that at least even bad dancers can dance—something that her father can no longer do since he has lost all motor skills on his right side.

“Nobody’s the right age today.” 

Though kids often look to adults for guidance, Claire notes that even the adults in the room—her mother, her father, her grandparents—look like they need someone to give them answers. Claire’s father’s stroke has caught everyone off-guard, so they all becomes pupils needing the doctors to teach them what things mean.

“My dad without singing or dancing wasn’t my dad at all.” 

Claire looks at her father through a child’s eyes, reducing him to the specific actions defines him for her. Later in the novel, Claire realizes that her father is her father based on the love she has for him, and vice versa. Hobbies or traits like writing and dancing don’t define a person’s essence.

“And that’s how we live: wandering endlessly, concentrically outward, seeking in others a kindling spark of the love which has long lain dormant, dark, unstoked in our own deepest souls.”

This popular quote from Claire’s father’s young adult novel is Claire’s favorite line—heartbreaking now because she doesn’t think her father will ever write or comprehend something like this again. It highlights just how much human beings desire connection, and how others can help better reflect who we are.

“We draw our strength from the very despair in which we have been forced to live. We shall endure.” 

Regina Chavez shares this line from Cesar Chavez in her history project, a glimpse into Regina’s background. Up to this point, Claire has only seen Regina as a bully, but Regina shows a different side of herself by sharing her drawings. The quote also speaks to Claire’s own issue with her father’s stroke: She wonders if he can truly endure.

“Was he [Claire’s father] going to draw strength from having his brain suddenly ruined for no reason? How could he draw strength when he couldn’t even think?”

Claire reads that people gain something from struggling. Claire, tired of notes of condolences from people about her father’s struggle, wonders if there really is a silver lining to pain and suffering.

“If your thoughts are light, your feet will be light.” 

One of Claire’s dance instructors, Miss Amy, says this often to the girls. Claire takes it to mean that she can be a better dancer if she focuses on positive thoughts, yet with her father’s stroke, her inner life is increasingly negative. Claire finds it increasingly hard to feel “light” when she faces trials at home and at school.

“I didn’t feel beautiful, and I certainly didn’t feel like a great dancer, but in a strange way, I did kind of feel loved.”

Though Claire does not like the attention others give her because of her father’s stroke, she finds support in her friends’ embarrassing display. Though the girls cry in front of everyone at dance school, Claire feels their love, a feeling she deeply needs.

“That was the moment I stopped being angry. And started being depressed.” 

Several people have asked Claire about depression, or flat out suggested that she might be suffering from it. Claire categorically denies this, yet when she sees how fragile her father looks during a doctor visit and learns that he might have to go to a nursing home, the full meaning of his situation hits hard and she finally admits that she is depressed. 

“In my downtime, all I wanted to do was lie on my bed and stare at the wall. I stopped returning texts from friends and dropped out of sight on social media.” 

Claire has a very human reaction to trauma: wanting to do nothing. Claire, however, distances herself from those who could lessen her stress and fear, something she corrects after realizing that valuing “me-time” shouldn’t cut out support from others.

“There were days when I wasn’t even sure this was better for him. […] If I were being a hundred percent honest, I couldn’t really say I was thankful he was alive in this condition.” 

Claire has an honest moment with herself when she considers her father’s plight. It’s the type of question asked many times when people face making decisions about loved ones. Claire wonders if her father newly limited life is worthwhile. Does she want her father alive because it makes her feel good or because he truly feels good? Claire must contend with all these questions as the novel progresses.

“He looked like a voodoo-doll puppet of my dad that some horrible evil magician was torturing. But then […] yes—this was really happening to my real-life dad.” 

Claire knows her father suffered a stroke, yet her brain can’t always handle this. At times, it feels like she isn’t living in reality, which gives rise to flights of fancy like the “evil magician.” Claire is so young that it’s often easier for her to escape into fantasy than to face reality.

“Claire […] you can cry, or you can hold it in. But either way, the only way you’re going to get what you want is to bust your butt until the dancer you are is the dancer you need to be.” 

Claire receives tough love from her least favorite dance teacher, Miss Laura. Claire is angry at being stuck in the “baby” class, but Miss Laura points out that Claire isn’t as good as the other girls—not right now. Despite her father’s condition, Claire isn’t going to receive a pass in life. She, like her father, must work hard to get better and stronger.

“Never forget that you control the weather in your classroom.”

Mrs. Selinsky is a tough science teacher who forgets this very astute observation. She lets her anger get the better of her and manages to allow her students to gain the upper hand by rattling her emotions.

“And then I realized that Leigh Monahan’s opinion didn’t really have any power over me anymore.” 

It takes Claire all of eighth grade to realize that she doesn’t have to care what Leigh thinks about her appearance. By realizing this, Claire takes the power away from a bully and gives herself strength.