Double Down

There is a book fair at Greg’s school. His mother gives him $20 to spend, but Greg does not spend the money on books. Instead, he buys a pencil with googly eyes, “a poster with a cat saying something sarcastic, an eraser shaped like a panda, a calculator that glows in the dark, a pen that writes underwater, and another giant pencil with googly eyes” (23). Mrs. Heffley is unhappy with him and insists that he return all the things he bought and get some books instead. She tells him that books are good for his brain, and that things like “video games and TV are making [his] brain flabby” (24).

Greg’s mother tries to get him out of his comfort zone by encouraging his creativity. When Greg was in the third grade, she sent one of his poems to the National Poetry Council, and they published it in a poetry anthology. However, the anthology turned out to be “a giant scam” (28) that would publish almost anything. She also tried to get Greg into the Talented and Gifted program at his school. Greg took the test to get into the program, but did pass the test. Mrs. Heffley was “mad at the school because she thought [he] was smart enough to be in Talented and Gifted” (31). 

Eventually, his mother does get him into a “special club called the Champs” (32), which turns out to be a group for kids to work on their pronunciation. Greg is excited to take part in the club, not for its academic merits, but because of its social aspect. Mrs. Heffley is frustrated that the club does not seem to be helping him with his pronunciation and hires a tutor to give him some extra help. Greg actually makes some progress with the tutor, and while he tries to hide this fact so that he can stay in the club, eventually, the teacher realizes that he no longer needs to be in the Champs.

Greg reflects that “EVERY parent thinks their kid is special, even when they’re not” (36). He describes how his younger brother, Manny, gets trophies just for participating in soccer, even though his team is terrible. Greg complains that he only ever got trophies for winning soccer tournaments, and speculates that all “these kids will be messed up later on in life” (37) since they’re being given trophies they haven’t earned. Greg sometimes thinks about entering competitions at school, but when he sees how small the trophies are, he loses interest.

Greg returns the things he bought at the book fair and replaces them with books from the Spineticklers series. These horror novels are very popular at his school, but are not what Greg’s mother thinks of as stimulating or challenging material. She is unimpressed with Greg’s choice. Greg explains that because it is close to Halloween, the Spineticklers books make up “90% of the books at the fair” (39). 

Greg explains the popularity of the Spineticklers, and how they replaced the Underpants Bandits series, which were popular last year. Greg really likes the Spineticklers books, but admits that some of them are pretty scary. His best friend, Rowley Jefferson, is even more afraid of the books than Greg, and can only read the “Spineticklers JUNIOR series, which are supposed to be for kindergartners” (40). 

In one of the Spineticklers books, Greg reads about a man who freezes his body and wakes up in the future. A boy in Greg’s school, Andy, tells Greg about a man in real life who is “doing it for REAL” (41) because he is very sick. The rich man hopes that a hundred years in the future, technology will be advanced enough to cure his illness. Greg thinks that this is an excellent idea, and wants to do the same thing if he ever “strike[s] it rich one day” (42). Greg’s plan is to freeze himself when he is still young, so that he can enjoy his youth in the future. He also wants to go further into the future than 100 years, and thinks that 1,000 years into the future sounds more interesting. If he does not become rich soon, however, Greg will just get his brain frozen. He is a bit nervous about this option, and would prefer to freeze his “whole body and do it RIGHT” (47) lest his brain be put into the body of a dog.

Halloween is a few weeks away. Greg and his family put up Halloween decorations. Their Halloween decorations used to be very simple: “a few jack-o’-lanterns, and a plastic spider or two” (48). One year, they decided to step it up, as their neighbors started “going all out on Halloween” (48), and Mrs. Heffley gave Greg’s brother, Rodrick Heffley, $40 to get some more decorations. Unfortunately, Rodrick spent all the money on an electronic plastic witch that cackles loudly whenever it detects motion. The witch caused a lot of havoc: It scared away all the young trick-or-treaters and went off constantly. Its whole routine was long and loud, so after Halloween, Mr. Heffley put it in the basement. This did not stop the witch from continuing to cackle all the time, which ended some of Greg’s sleepovers early. 

Greg asks his father to throw the witch away, but Mr. Heffley tells him he needs to “stop being such a scaredy-cat” (52). He does eventually take the batteries out of the witch but, to everyone’s distress, the witch keeps cackling. This puts Greg in a dilemma: All of his Halloween costumes are in the basement, and he is definitely too scared to go down there now. Unless his mother gives him some money for a new Halloween costume, Greg does not think he will be going trick-or-treating this year.