Crenshaw

“The mall manager made us leave. I did not get the free basket with candy eggs or a photo with the fake rabbit.

“That was the first time I realized people don’t always like to hear the truth.”

In this passage, Jackson recalls discovering the Easter Bunny was actually a man in costume and revealing this to the gathered crowd. Later in the book, Marisol will remind him of a similar experience, when he exposed the secret behind a magician’s trick. Though Jackson is proud of being able to discover and face the truth, Marisol tells him he “took the magic away” (213). Some truths must be faced head on, but stories and magic can also have value as comfort and escape. Jackson’s growth in the novel is in learning to embrace the need for both facts and stories.

“Maybe that’s why I liked the name Crenshaw. It felt like a blank piece of paper before you draw on it.

“It was an anything-is-possible kind of name.” 

Here, Jackson refers to how he chose his imaginary friend’s name. He had never heard the name Crenshaw before, and he theorizes that this was part of its appeal. It had no prior associations and thus represented possibility and reinvention. Jackson conjures Crenshaw at a time in his life when he does not feel a sense of agency. Bad things are happening to him that he cannot control or change. Creating Crenshaw and inventing an entirely new name for him is a way for Jackson to feel hope.

“When I try to remember my whole entire life, it feels like a Lego project where you’re missing some of the important pieces, like a robot mini-figure or a monster-truck wheel. You do the best you can to put things together, but you know it’s not quite like the picture on the box.”

In this passage, Jackson reflects on memory, specifically on his memories of first meeting Crenshaw (29). Isolated moments can be vivid, while others blur and fade, leaving an incomplete picture of the whole. His only memory of meeting Crenshaw is how happy he felt to have a friend “who liked purple jelly beans as much as [he] did” (31). Though Jackson finds it odd that he does not remember being surprised to meet a giant cat on a skateboard, it reflects how much he needed to feel seen and validated.

“Sometimes I just wanted to be treated like a grown-up. I wanted to hear the truth, even if it wasn’t a happy truth. I understood things. I knew way more than they thought I did.

“But my parents were optimists. They looked at half a glass of water and figured it was half full, not half empty.

“Not me. Scientists can’t afford to be optimists or pessimists. They just observe the world and see what is. They look at a glass of water and measure 3.75 ounces or whatever, and that’s the end of the discussion.”

When Jackson’s family first became homeless, it seemed to him to happen abruptly because he was not aware of how dire his family’s financial situation had become. In retrospect, Jackson feels that his parents, by withholding information, lied to him, and it makes him feel anxious about the unknown. He believes, and his parents later confirm, that they were trying to shield him because he is a child. Jackson prefers to know the unvarnished truth, even if it is painful, rather than hear a positive spin that contrasts with his lived experience.

“You’re not responsible for getting sick, Tom. And you’re not responsible for my getting laid off.” 

Though the story is told from Jackson’s first-person point-of-view, his narrative makes it clear that Tom feels ashamed that he cannot provide for his family. His feelings of shame make it difficult for him to accept help from social services since he wants to be able to provide for his family himself. In this passage, Jackson’s mother reminds him that he is not to blame for becoming ill and for her job as a music teacher being eliminated. These items are evidence of the unfairness of life, something Crenshaw gently reminds Jackson later in the book. Both Jackson and Tom must eventually come to terms with not always being able to control outcomes and to develop productive ways to cope with this harsh reality.

“‘The facts. You need to tell the truth, my friend.’ The frog twitched, and Crenshaw froze, pure muscle and instinct.

“‘Which facts? Tell the truth to who?’

“Crenshaw pulled his gaze off the frog. He looked at me, and to my surprise, I saw tenderness in his eyes. ‘To the person who matters most of all.’”

This exchange between Crenshaw and Jackson takes place after Jackson finds Crenshaw taking a bubble bath. Robin has woken up and is waiting for Jackson to read her a story, and he is desperate to get Crenshaw to leave. Crenshaw does not want to go but, lured by the prospect of hunting the frog, finally agrees. Before he leaves, he urges Jackson “to tell the truth” to “the person who matters most of all,” meaning Jackson himself. Jackson has not fully confronted the resentment he feels towards his parents and their financial instability because he does not want to add to his parents’ burdens or frighten his sister. Jackson wants his parents to be honest with him, but he has not been honest with them.

“My mom told me once that money problems sort of sneak up on you. She said it’s like catching a cold. At first you just have a tickle in your throat, and then you had a headache, and then maybe you’re coughing a little. The next thing you know, you have a pile of Kleenexes around your bed and you’re hacking your lungs up.” 

In Part 2 of the novel, Jackson recalls the period when his family lived in their minivan. In this passage, he describes his mother’s explanation of financial problems escalating gradually, almost imperceptibly, until they become a crisis. For Jackson, though, homelessness happened quite suddenly because no one explained to him what was happening. The sudden shift from living in a house with a yard and a swing set to living in a minivan was frightening and jarring. What Jackson needs from his parents is to be part of the conversation so that he feels knowledgeable and prepared, rather than tossed seemingly indiscriminately from one circumstance to the next.

“I loved my family. But I was also tired of my family. I was tired of being hungry. I was tired of sleeping in a box.

“I missed my bed. I missed my books and Legos. I even missed my bathtub.

“Those were the facts.”

When Jackson first learned the family was going to move out of their house and live in their minivan, he thought it was going to be fun. It is implied that he felt this way because his parents presented it as an adventure. The reality of four people, a dog, and all their possessions crammed into a minivan does not feel fun or exciting, as Jackson had anticipated, but claustrophobic and emotionally exhausting. He has to think of things he never considered before, such as whether a public restroom is clean and suitable for washing up because he no longer has his own bathroom with tub. Jackson’s feelings are, for him, “facts,” realities that contrast with the stories of car camping that his father invents to make living in the minivan more palatable.

“When I think about that time, what I remember most of all is Crenshaw, riding on top of our minivan. I’d stare out the window at the world blurring past, and every so often I’d catch a glimpse of his tail, riding the wind like the end of a kite.

“I’d feel hopeful then, for a while at least, that things would get better, that maybe, just maybe, anything was possible.”

Hope is not tangible in the way that the facts Jackson collects are. Hope cannot be quantified or measured. It is not based on observation. Despite these, a part of Jackson understands that hope is essential, and that is what inspires Crenshaw. He is an impossibility—a human-sized cat who can do cartwheels and handstands, take bubble baths, ride skateboards, and surf. His existence represents for Jackson hope and sense that nothing is impossible, no matter how bleak the circumstances may seem.

“Last year, my principal told me I was an ‘old soul.’ I asked what that meant, and he said I seemed wise beyond my years. He said it was a compliment. That he liked the way I always knew when someone needed help with fractions. Or the way I emptied the pencil sharpener without being asked.

“That’s the way I am at home, too. Most of the time, anyway. Sometimes I feel like the most grown-up one in the house. Which is why it seemed like my parents should have known they could talk to me about grown-up stuff.”

While Jackson’s teacher intends his description as a compliment, it is indicative of the fact that Jackson has had to grow up too fast due to his family’s struggles and his fear that his parents do not have realistic expectations and plans. Feeling responsible for Robin compels Jackson to shoplift food for her. Though he is also hungry, he does not steal for himself. In Chapter 25, he also gives his portion of lemon pound cake to Aretha, their dog, despite being hungry himself.

“My dad touched the mattress with his cane. ‘Next bed, let’s make it more serious.’

“‘Not a race car.” My mom nodded.

“‘Maybe a Volvo,’ said my dad.

“‘How about just a bed bed?’ I asked.”

In this section, Jackson’s parents have come to check on him the night before the yard sale. His bedframe, a racecar that he has long since outgrown, is in pieces and labeled with a price tag. In their typical fashion, his parents gloss over how Jackson might be feeling the moment, focusing on a future in which they can replace the bedframe with something unrealistically extravagant. Jackson knows their banter is meant to be a distraction but still tries to keep their expectations simpler. He is trying to communicate to them that he does not need flights of fancy but simple truths.

“What bothered me most, though, was that I couldn’t fix anything. I couldn’t control anything. It was like driving a bumper car without a steering wheel. I keep getting slammed, and I just had to sit there and hold on tight.”

Though Jackson feels like a grown-up, he is still a child who struggles to express himself in order to have his parents understand his needs. Because of the family’s financial problems, he must confront harsh realities over which he has no control and cannot be expected to control. Not being able to fix anything is most frustrating to him because he has come to believe that no one else—and most notably, his parents—will be able to fix anything, either. He does not know what is happening in the moment or what will happen in the future, and this fills him with anxiety and frustration.

“It wasn’t so bad, watching our things get sold. I told myself that every dollar we made was a good thing and that it was just all meaningless stuff. And it was nice to be with our neighbors and friends, drinking lemonade and talking and singing along with my parents.”

This passage is representative of Jackson’s factual optimism—his ability to look on the bright side by focusing on positive outcomes. Earlier in the novel, he contrasted his approach with his parents’ flights of fancy. For him, truths than he can measure—the money his family will raise, the pleasure of being with friends—are more comforting that imagining miraculous scenarios of the sort his parents favor.

“‘That’s a keepsake for keeping. Here. You can have my trash can for free, mister. Instead.”

Here, Robin vehemently objects to her father selling his guitar at the end of the yard sale and offers her trashcan instead. Her parents had planned to sell it, but Robin set it aside as a keepsake. When Sara first told Jackson and Robin to set aside keepsakes, she explained that a keepsake is “an object you treasure,” like Tom’s guitar (34). Seeing her father consider selling his own treasured object inspires Robin to sacrifice her own, illustrating how poverty can cause young children to feel responsible for their parents.

“Once I read a book called Why Cats Purr and Other Feline Mysteries.

“Turns out nobody knows for sure why cats purr.

“It’s surprising how much stuff adults don’t know.”

The above reflections are Jackson’s, after the family’s landlord delivers their final eviction notice. He is kind and apologetic, but Tom and Sara did not raise enough money to pay their back rent. Jackson recalls an entire book about cats and discovering that no one has discovered exactly why they purr. He turns to facts when he feels insecure in the world, but even scientists cannot provide answers to everything. Mysteries remain. Jackson, noting “how much stuff adults don’t know,” can be understood as the beginning of Jackson accepting that his parents will not have all the answers, either.

“And then I told her everything. I told her about how worried I was about what might come next.

“We walked toward the school playground. Crenshaw strode ahead and rocketed down the tube slide. When he got to the bottom, he looked at me and nodded approvingly.”

In Chapter 44, Marisol comes to Jackson’s apartment for their dog-walking assignment. He knows that he has to tell her about his family moving but does not know how to start, since he has never mentioned their financial troubles before. He notes that he never lied to her, “exactly,” but he “left out certain facts and focused on others” (208). Though he does not note this explicitly, his communication with Marisol mirrors his parents’ communication with Jackson.

Jackson decides to tell Marisol that his family has to move to look after a sick relative, but Crenshaw whispers into his ear, “The truth, Jackson” (208). The above passage is the first time Jackson verbalizes the truth, both to Marisol and to himself. He does not know what will happen to his family, and is worried and scared. This pivotal moment of release is the beginning of Jackson coming to terms with the fact that life can be unfair. Being able to talk honestly about fears and frustrations may not change the hard facts, but it can make them more bearable.

“‘Look.’ Marisol knelt down to scratch Beans behind the ear. ‘We don’t know everything. I don’t know why my brothers feel the need to burp the alphabet. I don’t know why I like to build things. I don’t know why there are no rainbow M&M’s. Why do you have to understand everything, Jackson? I like not knowing everything. It makes things more interesting.’”

After admitting his family’s financial troubles, Jackson decides also to tell Marisol that he has an imaginary friend. He expects her to think that he is crazy. Instead, she is supportive, encouraging Jackson to accept that not everything can be understood. The world is full of mysteries; some can be explained while others cannot. By opening up to her, something he had been afraid to do, he has opened himself up to seeing the world in a new way. This conversation with Marisol is part of a shift in Jackson’s perspective that enables him to communicate his frustrations to his parents and resolve one source of anxiety in his life: the lack of honest communication with his parents.

“‘Remember how you went behind the stage and figured out how he was making that rabbit appear? And then you told everybody?’

“I grinned. ‘Figured it out right away.’

“‘But you took the magic away, Jackson. I liked thinking that little gray bunny appeared in a man’s hat. I liked believing it was magic.’”

Here, Marisol reminds Jackson of when a magician came to his school, and Jackson revealed the secret behind his magic trick. Jackson is proud of being able to figure out the trick, but Marisol wants him to understand that not everyone wanted the secret revealed, including herself. She enjoyed believing the illusion was real. Jackson’s journey is to figure out when illusions can be harmful and when they can provide pleasure, escape, and comfort.

“Fun fact, Jackson. You can’t see sound waves, but you can hear music.”

Here, Marisol has told Jackson that she can “practically” see Crenshaw “doing backflips on [her] front lawn” (214). Jackson corrects her, saying “he’s doing the splits in the driveway” (214). Marisol’s analogy of soundwaves and music communicates that she believes the underlying truth of Crenshaw because of the effect she witnesses in Jackson. The analogy also provides a fact related to what Marisol wanted Jackson to absorb about the unknown. Sound waves can be tracked scientifically, but they create something that transcends understanding: music, which his parents earlier in the book called magic.

”Imaginary friends are like books. We’re created, we’re enjoyed, we’re dog-eared and creased, and then we’re tucked away until we’re needed again.” 

In this passage, Crenshaw is responding to Jackson’s question about what imaginary friends do. Earlier in the book, Jackson stated that he does not like stories because he thinks of them as lies. By comparing imaginary friends (i.e. himself) with stories, Crenshaw shows that fancy and whimsy can be sources of comfort. Earlier, Crenshaw told Jackson, “Life isn’t always fair” (218). Stories cannot change harsh realities about life. They cannot make it fair, but they can make life more bearable by seeing the magic in it. Crenshaw wants Jackson to understand that stories are not always the same as lies. Parsing out the difference is important

“Ms. Malone said maybe bats are altruists, which means they’re sharing to help the other bats, even if it’s a risk. She said some scientists say yes, some say no.

“Scientists love to disagree about things.”

Early in the book, it is clear that Jackson does not trust that his parents have a plan for tackling their financial challenges. He feels like the most grown-up member of his household because of his grounding in facts and truth. As the novel progresses, Jackson’s understanding become more nuanced. Learning about bats taught him that scientists can disagree, meaning facts do not tell the whole story. Facts also have to be interpreted, and scientists may interpret facts differently, leading to conflicting conclusions.

“‘Here’s the thing, Jackson. Life is messy. It’s complicated. It would be nice if life were always like this.’ He drew an imaginary line that kept going up and up. ‘But life is actually a lot more like this.’ He made a jiggly line that went up and down like a mountain range. ‘You just have to keep trying.’”

After Jackson’s parents find the letter he wrote, they realize the emotional toll their financial instability has had on their son, and the three have the most honest conversation they have ever had. Jackson admits that he hated his parents for putting him through homelessness and hunger. Sara apologizes, but Jackson reminds her that it does not change the facts.

In the above passage, Tom reveals that he may have found a job and a place for the family to live. The man who wanted to buy his guitar at their tag sale has a brother who owns a music store. This man is looking for an assistant manager and has a garage apartment that will be empty for the next month. While these prospects are positive, Tom wants Jackson to remember that other obstacles will inevitably present themselves in life, and he cannot give up.

“‘They were from Kylie’s birthday party.’ Robin pulled on her ponytail. ‘I just wanted you to think they were magic. But there’s no such thing. Of course.’

“‘I don’t know,’ I said. ‘Could be magic happens sometimes.’” 

In this passage, Robin admits that the jelly beans Jackson found in her cap were from her friend’s birthday party. His response shows the shift he has made in his thinking about inexplicable phenomenon. Though he found a logical explanation for the jelly beans, he is open to the unknown. His response reveals his evolution over the course of the novel. It also encapsulates the book’s message that magic is not supernatural happenings but the sacrifices we make for the people we love and that even in an unfair world there are moments of fun and beauty.