Crank

Kristina finds herself unable to confide in her father, even though so much has happened in the last couple of days. She feels like she cannot discuss her emotions with him as he does not believe in love.

Kristina reflects that she and her father have hardly talked for two hours total in the three weeks of her stay. Perhaps they have never learned the art of inter-family communication. Now all her father wants to know is if she and Adam had sex in his apartment. Kristina finds the question intrusive and voyeuristic.

Kristina’s father goes out. Feeling lonely, Kristina begins to cry.

Adam is back at her door. Part of Kristina wants to avoid him so that she does not get sucked again into his drama. Another part is desperate to see him. Kristina blows her nose and goes to see him.

Kristina knows she looks terrible right now, and so does Adam, but they must appear beautiful to each other. They say “I love you” to each other and confess they are confused and hurt (160).

Adam pulls out a “bindle”—a small amount of drug wrapped in cellophane—from his pocket and offers it to Kristina. Adam and Kristina use the meth. Adam wonders if she is herself or Bree. Kristina explains that Kristina is who people expect her to be, while Bree is “who [she] choose[s] to be” (162). Is Adam himself or Buddy? Adam says he is Adam with her, and she is his Eve.

Adam and Kristina begin to make love.

Kristina gets up to use the bathroom and discovers she is on her period. She tells Adam that love-making will have to wait. Since this will be her first time having sex, she wants it to be as nice as possible. In hindsight, Kristina regrets not having sex with Adam that day.

In retrospect, Kristina can see she had old-fashioned qualms about her body. She also sees her response as self-preservation, an instinct she still had at the time despite her use of meth.

Adam asks Kristina to use her hands to make him orgasm. Kristina agrees but wonders why Adam is not considering her pleasure.

Kristina feels that the world is unfair to young women whether they choose to have sex or not. If a girl helps a guy feel pleasure, he makes her feel cheap for doing exactly what he wanted. She feels that men use women by promising them love. The skewed power dynamics of the world make her believe that God is a man.

The thoughts from the previous chapter continue to plague Kristina as she considers her suitcase on the floor. She has to pack for her return home. The empty and closed suitcase reminds her of all the people in her life—her parents, her sister, and Lynx—who feel hollow and crave meaning.

Her mother calls Kristina to remind her to get to the airport early. Her father calls to say he wants to have dinner together on her last day in town. Adam calls to tell her Lynx is off the ventilator and he wants to bring over a surprise. Kristina thinks this means he wants to use meth with her.

Kristina does not want to consume drugs the day before her flight but also wants to have a memorable last day with Adam. She has also begun to notice that she feels very low when the meth wears off. Despite her misgivings, she agrees to see Adam. Adam, the monster, and Bree are “inextricable / friends.”

After she’s inhaled a couple of lines, Kristina doesn’t care who finds out she has been using drugs.

Even through the high of the meth, Kristina feels pain at the thought of parting from Adam. Adam tattoos a heart on her thigh as a reminder of his love.

The tattoo hurts Kristina on her flight back home.

The high-rises and casinos of Nevada grow closer as Kristina’s plane lands. Kristina—still high on the meth—has seen the sight before, but it is all new for Bree.

As Kristina tugs her bag through airport security, she finally begins to come down from her high.

Kristina’s entire family is at the airport to greet her: her red-haired brother, her beautiful sister, her handsome stepfather, and her pretty mother. Her mother smiles when she sees Kristina, making Kristina feel happy.

Her mother’s smile disappears instantly when she realizes something is different about Kristina. Before Kristina can dwell on this, however, her family hugs her.

Everyone bombards Kristina with questions about her trip, but in typical family fashion, no one waits for her answers. Instead, they begin telling her about themselves. Kristina wants to yell and draw their attention to the changes in her.

The family goes out to a lavish buffet for dinner. Kristina hardly eats, her appetite altered by the meth.

Kristina and her family head to their green hilltop house in the Nevada valley. The beautiful house both welcomes and threatens her. She has to find her Kristina side and hide Bree.

Kristina heads to her room, feeling annoyed even by her family’s gestures of goodwill. When her mother tells her she looks skinny, Kristina wonders if her mother thinks she has developed disordered eating.

Misgivings aside, her clean cozy room with its decor of butterflies soothes Kristina.

In the bathroom, Kristina finds that the tattoo on her thigh is looking infected.

Leigh, Kristina’s sister, comes into the bathroom and spots the infected tattoo. Kristina tells Leigh the story behind it but leaves out the part about using meth. When Leigh asks Kristina if she has been practicing safe sex, Kristina makes a nasty comment about Leigh’s sexuality. Leigh forgives her, chalking it down to Kristina’s jet lag.

Kristina thinks her mental state is more brain lag than jet lag. Leigh cleans the tattoo with hydrogen peroxide. Kristina goes to sleep, dreaming of Adam.

When Kristina wakes up, it is mid-day and no one is home. She likes the quiet, with no one demanding any explanations from her.

Leigh has left Kristina antibiotics from an old prescription. Her mother has left a note saying Kristina’s father called to see if she got home safely. Jake has written that someone named Adam called for her.

Kristina calls Adam back and learns from his mother that he is at the hospital. Lynx is out of the coma. Kristina remembers Adam’s mom telling her how Adam’s older brother began to use drugs after their father left. He died of an overdose. Kristina wonders why Adam would use drugs knowing the harm they can wreak. Then she wonders why she too uses drugs. She wants to pray for an answer.

Kristina changes her mind about praying because she is sure God has more important things to deal with. A part of her does pray she will stay safe.

Sarah, Kristina’s best friend since fourth grade, calls to catch up. She wants Kristina to join her family for a camping trip. Kristina tells Sarah she will think about it. Kristina feels alienated from Sarah, unable to tell her what happened in Albuquerque.

Now that her tattoo is hurting less, Kristina’s focus shifts to her feeling of loneliness. She feels empty and craves a cure: “the monster.”

Kristina knows meth is available in Reno, but she doesn’t know where. She makes a list of the places where she might find it.

All the days of hunger catch up with Kristina, and she rushes to the clean, well-stocked kitchen. She feasts on her mother’s excellent cooking.

After eating, Kristina wants to smoke, but there are no cigarettes at home. She feels deflated.

Marie—Kristina’s mother—and Leigh return home from shopping. Leigh has bought Kristina a pink swimsuit to wear to their stepfather’s company picnic. Kristina thinks the swimsuit might reveal her tattoo.

Scott’s company picnic is to be a family affair at a water park. Everything is the same as last year, except for Kristina, who has changed irrevocably.

Kristina tries on the swimsuit and notes her body still looks like a child’s. Her regular—at least for now—period is the only reminder that she is entering womanhood.

Kristina tries to figure out how to hide her tattoo. A Band-Aid will inspire too many questions, and she can’t skip the picnic either.

Adam calls to tell Kristina that Lince is home. Though he loves Kristina, he suggests they also see other people since they are in different cities. Kristina is stung at the suggestion but hides her feelings.

Kristina cries. She hadn’t expected to fall in love with Adam, nor for the love to be over so fast.

Marie wants to catch up with Kristina. Kristina wants to tell her everything but feels a wall between them.

At dinner, Kristina recounts her trip for her family. She tells them about falling in love with Adam and how they have agreed to date other people.

Leigh senses that there is more to the story, but she doesn’t know the exact details. Kristina has not told her about Lynx’s suicide attempt or using meth.

That night, Leigh and Kristina talk about first loves and crushes. Leigh tells Kristina about her girlfriend, Heather, who is a cheerleader. Kristina privately wonders if cheerleaders use crank to stay energized since crank provides a rush of adrenaline.

Her mind racing, Kristina finds it hard to focus on her sister’s details about her relationship.