Confessions

The Pitfalls of Perception comes to the fore in this section through parallel narration from several members of the Shitamura family. The title of Chapter 3, “The Benevolent One,” suggests a godly quality that mirrors the religious nature of the first two chapter titles; in this case, it reflects Mrs. Shitamura’s self-perception of her love for her son. The irony of this perception is apparent through her diary entries and older daughter, Kiyomi’s, narration, which clearly depict her flaws and how opposite she and her family are from the idealized versions she desires. For instance, she criticizes Moriguchi for being a single mother, but her own partner is depicted as uninvolved and oblivious to Naoki’s mental state. Further, she refuses to take responsibility for spoiling Naoki or teaching him conditional love. Kiyomi’s narration further highlights the limits of perception as she seeks to understand what happened in her family home, processing the events through secondhand information—her mother’s diary and her father’s statements to the police. As she attempts to construct a narrative to help her understand both the murder(s) and her family’s dysfunction, she concludes that she hopes Naoki is found innocent but acknowledges that she has no idea what he was thinking, demonstrating at least some awareness of the limits of her perception.

The most notable difference in perceptions in these chapters surrounds Mrs. Shitamura’s death. While Kiyomi’s narration suggests that Mrs. Shitamura killed herself but spared Naoki, Naoki’s narration continues the ambiguity, as he questions whether he stabbed her. Kiyomi, having read the diary, is aware of her mother’s murder-suicide plot, and Naoki recalls the events from a detached perspective via flashback. This ambiguity makes it more difficult to judge both Mrs. Shitamura’s and Naoki’s actions and contributes to the unstable nature of narratorial reliability.

Naoki’s flawed perceptions contribute to his personal Cycle of Blame and Revenge. Where his mother rejects his undesirable traits, he embraces them. He can observe his mother’s flaws—letters of complaint, constant disappointment—without understanding how to work on his own. He perceives many slights as ill-intentioned, leading him to blame others for his flaws, rather than reflect on his shortcomings: He hates his classmates for his “loser” status, his mother for her disappointment in him, his tennis coach for humiliating him, Moriguchi for abandoning him, and Shūya for rejecting him. He perceives only the last event accurately, but he exacts revenge on Manami anyway, hoping to hurt Moriguchi. More importantly for Naoki, the fact that Manami died from drowning (Naoki’s action) rather than electrocution (Shūya’s action) gives him the “success” he has always desired, especially because he surpassed Shūya’s “genius” while punishing him.

However, Naoki exemplifies Failing to Consider Consequences. By making Moriguchi his enemy, he seals his feared pariah status. By becoming an outed murderer, he fears for not just his social standing but also his life—he stops going to school to avoid bullying and takes extreme measures to avoid transmitting HIV to his family for his own sake. He never learns the truth about the milk, so his mental health deteriorates as his anxiety grows. The motif of filth appears throughout this section, as Naoki begins to associate his odor, body oil, and unkempt hair and nails with proof that he is still alive. This rancid combination does eventually become proof that he is still alive once he fully retreats to his room, as an odor remains after he uses the toilet, proving that he was there. It is only when his mother cuts his hair—thus removing his proof of life—that Naoki gives in and embraces death. By the time Chapter 4 ends and his mother dies, he is no longer capable of recognizing his mistakes as his own, having destroyed the self he was once so motivated to preserve.

The Nature of Motherhood gains prominence in this section through the deepening dichotomy between Mrs. Shitamura and Moriguchi. Moriguchi’s parenting style has already been established, and Mrs. Shitamura’s diary entries reveal the degree to which she disapproves of it. Moriguchi reflects the opposite of the “perfect” family that Mrs. Shitamura strives for. While Mrs. Shitamura judges Moriguchi for refusing to buy Manami the Snuggly Bunny pouch at the mall, this exchange positions Moriguchi as the stronger mother: She showers love on her child but also teaches her restraint. Conversely, Mrs. Shitamura spoils Naoki but doesn’t teach him how to overcome obstacles and pressures him with her disappointment at his inevitable failures. The notable absence of all other family members in the household emphasizes the stifling nature of their relationship. Kiyomi reflects on this absence. Lamenting that she wasn’t there to help Naoki, she wonders if things would have been different if there were “two” of them at home. She notes the irony in using the number “two,” as her father was technically present—but seemingly oblivious to Naoki’s struggles.