Cilka's Journey

“Immediately she looks to the ceiling for the telltale signs of showers. Will it be water or gas? Her relief at not seeing anything threatening is palpable and she holds onto Josie to steady herself. ‘Are you alright?’ Josie asks. ‘Yes, yes, I’m fine. I thought we might be going to have a shower.’ ‘I’d love a shower—it’s what we need.’”

Cilka’s fear of the showerheads at Vorkuta demonstrates the trauma that she carries with her from Auschwitz, where “showerheads” could be the source of poison gas. Because of her experience, she knows that seemingly everyday objects can in fact be agents of death. Thus, Cilka lives in a world where she questions everything she sees and trusts nothing. This distrust makes her stand out from the other prisoners, something she desperately tries to avoid.

“Cilka quickly moves over into the next line so she is next to be shaved. She can at least be beside Josie as this humiliation is played out; she has been through it all before.”

This passage represents the survival instinct Cilka has gained from her experience in Auschwitz and allows her to adapt to life at Vorkuta quickly. Her experience also allows her a strong sense of empathy, as she knows what it’s like to be humiliated in this way. Cilka’s willingness to stand beside Josie Kotecka illustrates her care and concern for others and her strong attachment and desire to protect the girl.

“Cilka has no words, no breath. How could she—how could anybody—be expected to be leader of this block? This is the block where women spend their final hours before being sent to the gas chamber.”

Block 25 is notorious around Auschwitz II-Birkenau, as it is the final stop for hundreds of women before they are taken to the gas chambers. Commandant Schwarzhuber assigns her to this block so he can rape her without anyone noticing, but others assume that because Cilka works here, she has betrayed her people. However, despite appearances, Cilka does her best to comfort the women in their final hours; her shouts and demands are a form of protection. So, while Cilka hates the position Schwarzhuber puts her in, she uses it to care for and comfort the women she meets, just as she does in Vorkuta.

“Two empty buckets look back at her. Toilets. She sighs. For as long as she remains in this hut, she will be reminded of her greed to secure what she considered the best place to sleep. She thought she would have a little privacy: a wall on one side of her, Josie on the other. There’s always a catch to a good position, to comfort. She should know that by now.”

Cilka’s experience with camp life occasionally hurts her more than it helps her. In this case, she thought choosing a bed at the far side of the hut would afford her some privacy, but she inadvertently places herself next to the toilet buckets. This experience also reflects Cilka’s belief that all good positions come with a cost. Her experience on Block 25 and her work as a nurse also demonstrate this idea.

“Another number. Cilka subconsciously rubs her left arm; hiding under her clothing is her identity from that other place. How many times can one person be reduced, erased?”

Both camps replace Cilka’s identity with a number, dehumanizing her and the other inmates. The other women of Vorkuta aren’t as bothered, but it is the second time Cilka has experienced this. She will carry her number from Auschwitz for the rest of her life, but the numbers at Vorkuta are more temporary. The dehumanizing factor is why the striking workers demand the removal of their numbers from the administrators.

“By accident, again, Cilka is in a position of more, unwanted, power.”

One key survival tactic that Cilka has learned during her time in Auschwitz and Vorkuta is to be invisible. She tries to stay out of the way and not draw attention to herself. However, her beauty and intelligence often make her stand out from those around her. Cilka has no control over what others see in her, so trying to remain invisible while standing out causes her stress and conflict. This passage also demonstrates that Cilka seeks only to survive, not power or recognition.

“Elena remains a complex character for Cilka. Angry, often uncaring—yelling at the world and everyone in it—yet also showing compassion and tenderness on occasions when she is caught off-guard. She is just surviving, Cilka has often thought. There is no one way to do it.”

Elena’s character is one of the most dynamic in the novel. At first, she bullies the other women in Hut 29, but by the novel’s end, she is one of the most caring and supportive characters, especially toward Cilka. This passage also shows Cilka’s ability to empathize and not judge others. She knows that stressful environments like Vorkuta bring the worst out in people, so instead of judging others, she seeks to understand them.

“‘How often do men come into our hut and rape you, Hannah?’ Hannah doesn’t answer. Keeps her brows furrowed, breathing heavily. ‘I didn’t hear you,’ Cilka says, her voice raised. ‘One man, several men…how many different men have raped you since we’ve been here?’ ‘It’s just what happens here.’ ‘Yes, it’s just what happens here. It’s what happened there to me. I was kept hidden away so the officers would not be seen to be polluting themselves. Do you know what that is like? For you and your family and friends, your whole race, to be treated like animals for slaughter?’”

Like Elena, Hannah is a bully who manipulates others to get what she wants. She also has a drug addiction, so she uses her knowledge of Cilka’s past to extort her into getting medication from the hospital. This passage represents a moment when Cilka finally stands up to Hannah and openly discusses her experience during the Holocaust and the genocide of her people.

“There is a remnant of this sense of family, and belonging, tucked deep down, that cannot be touched. Her father was a good man. There must be other men like her father. Like Gita’s Lale. Love against terrible odds is possible. Maybe just not for her.”

While Cilka’s experience with dominant men like Schwarzhuber and Boris negatively impacts her perception of men, she refuses to forget the good men in her life. She also continues to hope for love in difficult circumstances for others, but she has little hope of it for herself. This mindset makes her union with Alexandr Petrik more powerful at the novel’s end, proving that one should never give up hope in any situation.

“If I was ever going to talk about my past, I would like it to be with you.”

Cilka makes this statement to Yelena Georgiyevna, who has made a standing offer of support, should Cilka ever choose to accept it. While Cilka cannot quite bring herself to speak about the horrors in her past at this moment, her statement demonstrates the growing relationship and mutual trust between the two women and foreshadows her eventual conversation with Yelena, in which she finally opens up about her time in Auschwitz and initiates the healing of her long-held trauma. This conversation doesn’t cure all of Cilka’s internal conflicts, but it does serve to set her on a path toward a healthier way of being present in the world.

“There is a network and the rules are murky. This is the prerogative of the guards and, beneath them, the brigadiers—to bend the rules or enforce them, at will. Depending on what they are getting out of it.”

This passage illustrates the undercurrent of power that circulates through Vorkuta. The guards, brigadiers, and trusties all jostle for position and use whatever goods they have at their disposal, such as food, to help improve their situation. These complex politics allow Boris to protect Cilka from the other men—even though his protection comes at a price—and why Cilka always gives Antonina the largest portion of food smuggled from the hospital.

“She doesn’t dare hope that she has broken her curse. That she could have a role in helping new life come into the world, rather than overseeing death.”

Because of her experience as Block 25’s leader in Auschwitz, Cilka believes that she is cursed to watch everyone around her die. It isn’t until she works as a nurse in the maternity ward in Vorkuta that she finds hope of breaking her curse. In the maternity ward, Cilka finally has a chance to bring life into the world instead of the opposite.

“Cilka quickly writes down his comments below the notation ‘Baby 1.’ With a thicker pen she gently writes the number one on the baby’s forehead, fighting to shut out memories of her own, permanent marking.”

Throughout Cilka’s time in Vorkuta, there are many instances in which she either witnesses or enacts jarring parallels to aspects of her time in Auschwitz. In this quote, she must label several babies using numbers, replacing their identities just as both the administrators of Vorkuta and Auschwitz replaced her own name and identity with a number. In both settings, these numbers demean and dehumanize those forced to have them.

“It is an effort for Cilka to keep her voice gentle. A part of her feels enraged, helpless to the point of dizziness. She has seen too many naked bodies lying in snow. With no choice but to give in. But Josie has a choice. Maybe Cilka hasn’t helped her enough to see that.”

Throughout the novel, Cilka feels responsible for Josie and her well-being. Cilka becomes particularly concerned about Josie when she becomes pregnant and tries to help Josie remain positive throughout her pregnancy. When Josie attempts suicide, Cilka takes the blame, feeling she hasn’t done enough for her friend. Seeing her friend lying in the snow also reminds her of the bodies she saw in Auschwitz, and Cilka refuses to let Josie become another victim.

“‘Is that all?’ she says, with a strange mix of fear and relief. He looks surprised. ‘What did you think we would be doing to you?’ ‘I don’t know…injecting me with the disease to see how I fared?’ Petre cannot keep the shock from his face. He looks away, speechless.”

Cilka’s fear of being injected with typhoid directly references the doctors in Auschwitz who intentionally injected diseases into their victims to see how they would react. Cilka’s statement shocks Petre, yet it reflects how her time in Auschwitz has affected her and her outlook on the medical field. Petre’s reaction also reflects the disbelief many have when hearing about the horrors committed in Auschwitz and the other concentration camps.

“For the first time in many years she has allowed herself to be dragged down by the enormity of what she has seen, heard, and done—or not done—herself. What she no longer has and what she can never long for. It is like an avalanche—there seems to be no way now of holding it at bay.”

One of Cilka’s primary inner conflicts is her ongoing inability to talk about her experience at Auschwitz. She fears being judged and ridiculed for being leader of Block 25 and standing by as hundreds of women died in the Nazi gas chambers. However, Cilka’s inability to talk about her experience deepens her internal conflict, making it harder for her to heal and have hope for the future.

“‘Tell me about the number on your arm.’ ‘That was our introduction to Auschwitz. They took my small bag of belongings. They took my clothes. They took my youth, my identity, and then they took my name and gave me a number.’”

During her first conversation with Yelena about her past, Cilka speaks about the numbers tattooed on her arm. She always tries to hide these numbers from others to avoid having to face people’s curiosity and expose her past to the world. Now, Yelena directly addresses them, and Cilka finally lets go of her shame and explains that the numbers represent all the Nazis took from her.

“‘So you’re not going to shut up then, is that what you’re saying?’ ‘I’m not going to shut up, Kirill Grigorovich, so you had better get used to it.’”

This conversation between Kirill and Cilka marks a pivotal moment in Cilka’s character development. Until now, Cilka has been at the mercy of men more powerful than she and has had little say over what happens to her. Now, however, Cilka stands up for herself and refuses to be bullied by a man. She refuses to submit quietly to Kirill’s advances, demonstrating her strength by using her voice to defend herself and what she wants.

“Cilka sighs. ‘I don’t think I can be the one who risks others’ lives.’ ‘Cilka Klein, mostly, you don’t tell others what to do, they risk their lives because you don’t ask. That’s why they want to help you. Don’t you understand that?’”

Cilka is recovering in the hospital from the mine collapse that killed Pavel. Kirill tries to help her understand why Pavel followed her into the tunnel because she feels she is to blame for his death. However, as Kirill explains, others follow Cilka’s leadership because of her kindness and courage, not because she demands it.

“Everyone affected by war, captivity, or oppression reacts differently—and away from it, people might try to guess how they would act, or react, in the circumstances. But they do not really know.”

This passage occurs after Hannah’s death. It demonstrates Cilka’s empathy and lack of judgment for others. Although Hannah has bullied and extorted Cilka for most of her time in Vorkuta, Cilka knows she was only doing what she had to do in order to survive. Cilka understands this deeply and does not judge or condemn Hannah for it.

“‘It’s all right, you’re allowed to feel something for a man. It makes me happy to see you thinking about a future.’ ‘How can I think about a future while I’m here, really?’ ‘You can, and I think you do. Get back to work. Once more out on the ambulance.’”

Yelena becomes aware of Cilka’s feelings for Alexandr as she watches Cilka nurse him in the hospital. She sees this as a chance for Cilka to find hope in the future, although Cilka disagrees. This passage also demonstrates the working relationship between Yelena and Cilka. The two women care deeply about one another and often learn from each other while they work in the hospital.

“What you are doing, Cilka, is the only form of resistance you have—staying alive. You are the bravest person I have ever known, I hope you know that.”

Lale says this to Cilka toward the end of her experience at Auschwitz. She considers herself a coward and traitor for her role on Block 25, yet Lale’s statement helps her see that she is also brave for fighting so hard to stay alive. Likewise, when Cilka tells her hut-mates about her experience in Auschwitz, they do not condemn her. These acts of redemption allow Cilka to heal from her past and end her internal conflict.

“But though she is losing him, losing Yelena, and though she has lost everyone dear to her, Alexandr has kindled a fire within her. Not to anger, but to something like hope. Because she never thought she could fall in love, after all she’s been through. To do so, she thought, would be a miracle. And now she has.”

This passage marks another significant shift in Cilka’s character and internal conflict. Until now, Cilka has little hope for herself and doubts she will be able to love someone after all the death she has experienced. However, she falls in love with Alexandr, which she considers a miracle, giving her hope to love and be loved.