Call Me By Your Name

In Part 2, Elio’s coming-of-age story continues with his sexual awakening. He discovers that sex teaches him about himself–his feelings, desires, and the way he sees himself in the world. Sex is complicated by these feelings because Elio is learning how to navigate the physical act of sex as a manifestation of emotions he didn’t necessarily know he had. For example, when he has sex with Marzia, he is happy but unsatisfied and unfulfilled. This demonstrates that sex with Marzia, while not devoid of affection, is not a manifestation of love. Sex with Marzia is, at first, something Elio does because of the expectation of sex between them. He recognizes that Marzia wants him, and he tests his feelings for her through sexual encounters. He and Marzia have a friendship that makes having sex feel natural and enjoyable, but Marzia doesn’t envelop Elio’s thoughts the way Oliver does. Sex with Marzia is, therefore, more of a compulsion for physical intimacy and a desire for exploration. Elio hopes that having sex with Marzia will lessen his desire for Oliver, which he finds difficult to manage. Because Marzia is a girl his own age, it is easier for Elio to understand the subtle communications that lead to sex. They are comfortable with one another, though it is clear that Marzia is more interested in Elio than he is in her.

A major moment of plot and character development occurs when Elio and Oliver have sex for the first time. Though the novel has been leading up to this moment, Elio is left feeling ashamed, which is a surprising twist. But the shame of sex is a tale as old as the biblical story of Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve’s fall from grace and innocence includes the sudden shame of nudity. Being so exposed in nudity is a vulnerability that can be overwhelming, and even if desire necessitates nudity, the shame of exposure is linked to a societal denouncement of the human body as inherently shameful. Though Elio doesn’t feel shame in having sex with Marzia, he does with Oliver. It is the first time Elio has had sex with a man, and it is a profoundly different experience that Elio must grapple with. It is implied that Elio’s shame comes from having Oliver inside of him. In heterosexual sex with Marzia, Elio is the one who penetrates, but in sex with Oliver, Elio is penetrated. This experience feels violating, even though it is what Elio wants. Here again, Aciman repeats the paradox of desire and shame; Elio wanted sex with Oliver and any discomfort or pain he feels during sex with Oliver is part of the manifestation of his desire.

Because Oliver is older and more experienced, he helps Elio cope with this shame with more sex, which empowers Elio. Oliver bridges the gap between shame and pleasure, making Elio fall in love with him all over again. Through sex with Oliver, Elio finds new parts of himself. This theme is apparent throughout his desire for Oliver, and Aciman articulates this as an attraction that is, essentially, a sense of transplantation. In having sex with Oliver, Elio and Oliver become one, bringing down the boundaries between their individual selves. In Part 2, Oliver uses the phrase that Aciman echoes in his title: “call me by your name”. Oliver and Elio share a desire to see the other as themselves. The sacrifice of your identity within sex to take on the identity of the other is a deep intimacy in this novel. It demonstrates that love and sex create a metamorphosis. This metamorphosis occurs both within the context of sex and in Elio’s coming-of-age story; in having sex with Oliver, he necessarily becomes a new, more adult, more romantic version of himself.

In Part 2, Aciman uses the symbol of the peach to highlight the naturalness of Oliver and Elio’s love, as well as the inherent eroticism of love, sex, and the natural world. The peach is nothing but a fruit until Elio, crazed by his love for Oliver, sees Oliver’s body as paralleled with the peach. In a moment of sexual awakening, Elio masturbates into the peach, another moment in which his body surprises him with what it wants to do. When Oliver eats this same peach, it is a symbolic overture to Elio to assure him that he is invested in their relationship, committed to making sex between them something layered, beautiful, and natural. The exchange of the peach helps dissolve any remaining boundaries between the two, emphasizing a partnership through desire. The peach also serves as a shared secret between Elio and Oliver, a symbolic embodiment of the delightful privacy of their love and attraction.  

When Elio starts having sex with Oliver, he continues having sex with Marzia. This emphasizes that for Elio, exploring sex is part of his coming-of-age process. The reasoning is simple; he doesn’t feel the need to end things with Marzia, so he continues his relationship with her. For Elio, having Marzia in his life doesn’t dilute his feelings for Oliver, nor does his relationship with her complicate anything with Oliver. Elio is in a state of exploration in which his relationships with both Marzia and Oliver separately teach him about what he wants from life and love. Marzia is also a more outwardly convenient partner because he does not need to keep it secret from everyone else.

One thing Elio learns through his relationship with Oliver is that during the weeks he spent agonizing over whether Oliver liked him or not, Oliver wondered the same about him. The moment when Oliver massaged Elio’s shoulder at tennis was formative for Elio; as it turns out, it was also formative for Oliver because he was using that moment to try to figure out what Elio’s boundaries were. Because they are both men and because there is an age difference, Oliver needed to be more careful with how he approached Elio. Oliver’s behavior, which Elio had perceived as cold and aloof, was Oliver’s own manifestation of anxieties and secret desires for Elio. This makes their relationship more meaningful because both of them, not just Elio, had wanted the relationship since they first met. This initial, immediate attraction was heightened by anticipation; waiting for one another makes having one another sweeter. Aciman develops the message that people should be honest about their desires and attractions, but if Oliver or Elio had tried to approach one another sexually too early on, they risked scaring the other before they both had the chance to figure out what they wanted. This is not Oliver’s first foray into secretive relationships, so he has more experience in navigating boundaries and pushing subtle hints. For Elio, the indirectness of their relationship has caused him pain but ultimately makes his pleasure more intense.

Because they had to wait, they only have a couple of weeks together before Oliver must return home. The time limit on their relationship makes their lovemaking and friendship more passionate. Oliver wants Elio to come with him to Rome, which Elio’s parents fully support. In fact, Elio’s mom asks Oliver to take Elio with him without knowing that Oliver has already asked. This implies that Elio’s parents know what’s going on between Oliver and Elio, and they support the relationship. Elio’s parents are instrumental in who he is; they raised him to be intellectual, thoughtful, and liberal. Elio doesn’t have to worry that his parents will disown or disavow him if they know about Oliver, which many other people would worry about. Elio’s freedom to pursue his sexuality is nurtured by his parents, who want Elio to have meaningful life experiences. Thus, Elio’s coming-of-age story is also uplifted by the full support of his parents and their appreciation for the importance of adventure, love, and experimentation in a young person’s development.