Before I Go to Sleep

The next day Christine hesitates before calling Claire. She wonders if Ben had an affair with her friend and even considers that the affair might be ongoing. Claire does not answer her phone, and Christine leaves a message.

Later, Dr. Nash turns up at the house. He claims that Christine asked him over during a phone call that morning, but Christine cannot recall this. She becomes upset and insists that Ben is having an affair with Claire. Leaning over, she kisses Dr. Nash, but he gently pulls away. When Christine tells Dr. Nash that she loves him, he says she is “confused.” Christine orders him to leave.

Christine goes upstairs and searches for the key to the locked metal box. She finds it hidden in the bedroom. Inside the box are photographs of Adam and pictures from her wedding day and honeymoon. Christine is relieved that she and Ben look happy in the photos. Also in the box is an article reporting Adam’s death in Afghanistan and a photograph of his grave. Christine feels overwhelming grief but renewed trust in Ben.

Claire answers on Christine’s second attempt to call her, and Christine experiences a stream of memories of her old friend. Claire says she hoped Christine would call because she was worried about her. Christine wants to trust Claire but still suspects she had an affair with Ben. She asks if Claire ever moved to New Zealand. Claire says the furthest she has traveled is Barcelona, where she lived for six months.

Claire asks if she can speak to Ben. She explains that he is no longer contactable on his old work number, and she has not spoken to him for a few years. Christine begs Claire not to call Ben again and asks if Claire knows why she was in Brighton on the day she lost her memory. Claire promises to tell Christine what she knows when they see each other. They arrange to meet on Friday morning.

That evening Christine asks Ben if he is still in touch with Claire. Surprised that Christine remembers Claire, he repeats the story about her moving away years earlier. Christine asks if Claire moved to Barcelona, but Ben insists it was New Zealand or Australia. When Christine says she has spoken to Claire, Ben looks angry, suggesting the woman she talked to may have been an imposter. Eventually, Ben admits that Claire did not move away, but he does not talk about her because she “abandoned” Christine in the hospital. Christine confronts Ben with Dr. Nash’s claim that he divorced her. Ben looks furious, and Christine thinks he may hit her. He then starts crying and apologizes.

Ben claims he always loved Christine, but the hospital doctors stopped him from seeing her. He divorced her because he thought it was the best thing for Christine and Adam. Convinced, Christine says she forgives him.

Christine wakes to see Ben sitting and watching her. When Ben leaves for work, she remembers where her journal is without prompting from Dr. Nash.

Christine meets Claire and her young son Toby in a park. Toby has ADHD and goes off to play football while they talk. Exhausted by the demands of homeschooling her son, Claire has given up her ambition of being a professional artist, admitting that she has “become a dabbler” (269). Claire reluctantly reveals that Christine suffered from writer’s block after having Adam and started to resent Ben. Claire tried to help by babysitting while Christine went to a café to write. However, Christine met someone at the café and began an affair. A few weeks before she was attacked and found in Brighton, Christine ended the affair. Claire never knew the man’s name.

Christine realizes that she may never know what happened in Brighton and cries. Claire comforts her, assuring Christine that Ben forgave her when he found out about the affair. Claire advises Christine to tell Ben about her journal and doctor’s appointments. She then hands over an envelope Ben asked her to keep when he began divorce proceedings. Claire admits there is a reason Ben lied about her going to New Zealand. She and Ben had a brief affair when Christine was in the hospital, but they mutually agreed to end it. From then on, Claire stayed away from Ben but continued to visit Christine at Waring House. A few months ago, Claire discovered that Ben had discharged Christine from Waring House. The staff agreed to forward a letter to Ben asking if Claire could visit. However, Christine wrote back saying that she never wanted to see Claire again. Shocked, Christine assures her old friend that she loves and forgives her. They agree to meet again the following week.

Christine reads Ben’s letter at home. It describes how Christine became distressed and paranoid when he and Adam visited. The experience was distressing for their son, and a staff member told Ben that Christine seemed contented when she did not have visitors. Ben concluded that, as his wife did not remember their visits, she would be happier if they stopped. Ben writes that he still loves Christine, adding that he hopes they may be reunited if Christine gets better.

Moved by the letter, Christine believes that Ben has only lied to protect her. She happily anticipates a fresh start and decides to tell her husband about the journal and Dr. Nash. Calling Dr. Nash, Christine asks him to read her journal. He arranges to pick it up on Tuesday.