Beautiful Disaster

These chapters continue to examine The Impact of Reputation and Image. Confronting her past on her own terms is key to Abby’s reclamation of her identity. After her attempts to behave like a “good” girl, or at least project that image and reputation, she is confronted with returning to the life of violence, drama, and high-stakes gambling that she wanted to leave behind. It is only in meeting that reality head-on that Abby identifies her true fear: Where initially Abby expressed concerns that being with a “bad” boy like Travis would recreate her life with Mick, her greater fear is that she herself will become Mick. She’s drawn to danger. She likes to gamble and win, which explains her satisfaction at being the girl Travis Maddox loves. Self-discovery is a common recurring theme in young adult fiction that often features in new adult fiction as well. Facing her own fears about herself is the first step to embracing the past that shaped her, making choices in the present on her own terms, and claiming a sense of agency and control.

Abby ultimately embraces the fact that her hold over Travis gives her pleasure. She is pleased when he reacts violently to her sneaking out after they have sex, as this, again, shows the depth of his attachment. Self-protectively, she told herself she was just another one of his conquests, but she is relieved to find that isn’t the case. When Travis vows to prove himself to her, competes with Parker for her attention, and declares that he loves her, Abby feels that she has won. Like in poker, she played the long game and won the pot; she has Travis Maddox literally on his knees for her. She enjoys the intensity of his devotion but also the interest that others take in their relationship and the element of risk in such activities as having sex without a condom or in public spaces like the physics lab. It’s danger and risk engaged on her own terms rather than forced upon her by others.

Though winning Travis gives Abby pleasure, she doesn’t like being regarded as his possession—pointing again to Abby’s desire to assert her personhood on her own terms. Abby’s choices progressively define two things she clearly wants: Travis and autonomy, and the novel supports and rewards those choices. She slaps Parker for suggesting that she is simply a novelty to Travis and not truly special. Abby harbors contempt for and passes judgment on women like Megan who pursue men. So strongly does she dislike being dismissed as Travis’s sexual conquest that she uses Travis’s jealousy as a weapon when a football player insults her, instructing Travis to teach Chris some “manners.” Onlookers shake their heads and tell Chris he brought this upon himself, another instance where Travis’s violent behavior is regarded with admiration, and his inability to control his emotions is excused as a personality quirk. Abby views Chris’s suggestive address as offensive and disrespectful, but she excuses Travis’s aggression, violence, and manipulation toward her and others as devotion. This again underscores the tension between the novel’s conservative sexual politics and the genre’s endorsement of abusive or violent behaviors as inherent to a romantic masculine ideal.

In the same chapter, when Abby cannot control Travis’s jealousy at the Red Door and blood is shed again—this time not at her bidding—she is disgusted and rejects Travis, finding his temper and aggression a problem. Her concern is that he nearly hit her and that he might do so in the future. Abby does not harbor concern for the other men who end up bleeding; in fact, none of the characters suggest Travis should demonstrate restraint, remorse, or accountability for his destructiveness. His aggression adds to his appeal to Abby, who believes he would never hit her, demonstrating how persuasive The Power of Physical Attraction can be. Abby’s stance that some people “deserve” an assault by Travis, while she is cherished and protected by him, signifies the special status that romantic partners confer on one another, but Abby’s lack of empathy for others’ pain could also be seen as a character flaw.

As Abby steps more into her own, she is rewarded with deeper attraction and attachment from Travis. Abby’s status as Mick Abernathy’s daughter increases her appeal in Travis’s eyes, and he expresses admiration at her command of the poker table at the casino. On that turf, Abby has a celebrity status equal to Travis’s status at Eastern. However, when that deeper attachment expresses itself in Travis’s choices over which she has no control—i.e., getting a new couch to announce a severance with his promiscuous past or a tattoo with her name, symbolizing his devotion to her—Abby hesitates. Now that he has found the “right” woman, Travis goes to extremes of attachment, disrupting Abby’s sense of autonomy and agency, which points to the idea of romantic relationships as attempts at mutual conquest.

Even though Abby is undeniably becoming her own person, the Influence of Family and Background remains formidable, and memories and patterns of the past still threaten to disrupt her newfound autonomy. Though she expressed her wish to distance herself from him, Abby doesn’t hesitate or question her responsibility for Mick’s debt when her father suddenly appears in need of money. Abby is not only willing to hand over her savings, but also takes her friends to Vegas so she can try to win the additional amount owed. She puts herself in harm’s way for Mick, assuming responsibility for his debt and regressing into the narrative that he created in which she is responsible for his luck. Abby steps back into her persona as “Lucky Thirteen” with ease, quickly winning most of the money she needs. It’s not explained why grown men would have agreed to play poker with her child self, or have appreciated losing to her, but her fellows at the poker table in Vegas express long-held admiration for her skill. The difference between Abby’s childhood past as a poker savant and her present situation is that this time, she is not alone. She and Travis face the situation with Abby’s father as partners, each performing at the height of their skills. Like Abby’s success at the poker tables, Travis reduces Benny’s henchmen to bloody heaps and goes on to handily defeat a skilled opponent even though he is not a professional fighter and has no training regimen. In this way, Abby and Travis are both special, made more so by their partnership, set apart from the people around them, which reinforces romance fiction’s assertion that love can conquer all, even in improbable circumstances.

When Travis gains confidence from this experience and agrees to work for Benny, Abby returns to the question of which identity she wants for herself. Though she returned to the world of her past by choice for a short spell, to extricate her father, Abby doesn’t want to return to the entrapments of that life—fighting, gambling, and owing mobsters money. Abby asserts control of the situation by lying to Travis, sneaking away, and letting other people bear the brunt of his wild rages. Just as she is the one with the special power to calm him, Abby also understands she has a special power to antagonize and wound him. Shepley observes that the two of them enjoy torturing each other. This may be the dynamic Abby refers to when she tells Travis they are dysfunctional. While Travis represents a sense of freedom and self-confidence for her, Abby resents being viewed as an accessory to him.