Ask Not: The Kennedys and the Women They Destroyed

Carolyn Bessette Kennedy’s friends and family noticed that she was struggling in the run-up to and after her marriage to John F. Kennedy, Jr. Their relationship seemed toxic and explosive on both sides, but he exploited their power imbalance, forcing her to cut people out of her life who were part of her essential support network. He even behaved as if he harbored deep-seated anger toward women in general, defending the boxer Mike Tyson during his rape trial in 1992 and standing behind his cousin William Kennedy Smith after he raped 29-year-old Patricia Bowman. Patricia had to witness her attacker’s acquittal, despite everyone in the trial (including the police) believing her account. The Kennedy media machine, headed by John Jr., still destroyed her. In addition, John Jr. publicly defended Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky scandal. His most prominent cause, however, was his uncle Ted Kennedy, whom John Jr. openly admitted he protected and kept away from the media to preserve his reputation.

Nevertheless, Carolyn chose to marry him. They were wed on Cumberland Island, a small strip of land between the coasts of Florida and Georgia. At the rehearsal dinner, Carolyn’s mother voiced doubt about the marriage during her toast, which shocked the Kennedys, who believed that Carolyn was “lucky” that John Jr. chose her. After the wedding, Carolyn underwent a “coronation as America’s princess” (278), and many compared her to Jackie as a graceful fashion icon. The media attention was unrelenting, however, and Carolyn felt as if she were a walking advertisement for both Calvin Klein and the Kennedys. They expected nothing less than perfection. She chafed at the reality that she had to be perfect while everyone accepted John Jr.’s many serious flaws without question. This discrepancy caused intense strain in their marriage.

The strain had reached an apex when Carolyn and her sister, Lauren, finally agreed to fly with John Jr. to attend a wedding. He was on crutches and taking opioid painkillers as well as methamphetamine medication for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. No reasonable pilot would ever have flown in his condition, but John Jr. didn’t doubt his abilities for a moment. Callahan speculates that he perhaps was acting out of suicidal ideation since his magazine was failing, his marriage was collapsing, and his family relationships were strained. Authorities found the wreckage of the plane five days after the crash. Only the bodies of John Jr. and Carolyn were found; Lauren’s body was not found. The Kennedys showed no sympathy to Carolyn’s family; their interest was only to minimize the blame focused on John Jr.’s actions. Ted quickly sealed the autopsy report, the medical examiner’s report, and all photos of the accident.

Mimi Beardsley had always planned to keep her relationship with John F. Kennedy a secret. Only after a historian uncovered their affair and a headline about their relationship ran in the New York Post in 2003 did Mimi choose to speak out. She decided to author her own book to avoid her story being co-opted by sensationalist media. However, in reading other accounts of that period, she realized that her relationship with John had been an open secret. She was likewise shocked to find out about Diana de Vegh. Mimi finally understood that John had truly seen her, Diana, and all his other intimate partners as “sexual marionettes” that he lured to him by promising access to power (290). Mimi wondered why John’s other staffers seemed to blame her for the affair when, at the time, John had all the power and made all the decisions; his behavior toward her became increasingly cruel, and he seemed to “get off” on degrading her in front of other men. This culminated in him forcing her to perform oral sex on his friend.

Diana and John’s relationship abruptly ended after John realized that her father was a powerful politician. She received a job as a research assistant at the National Security Council and understood that the transfer meant that the relationship was over.

Decades later, in 2003, Mimi and Diana both reconsidered the power imbalance and abuse that they experienced at the president’s hands. They finally understood that they were not the problem, they had not betrayed anyone, and they were not at fault. Both told their stories, Mimi in an autobiography and Diana in a personal essay that went viral in 2012.

In her second marriage, Jackie Bouvier Onassis had a husband who richly provided for her, but intellectually, she felt that she was wasting away. He refused to allow her to work, but his ill health led to his death in 1975. Now a rich widow, Jackie began to work, first publishing an anonymous review of an art show in The New Yorker. After a positive reception, Jackie began to work as a historical preservation activist, championing the maintenance of Grand Central Station in New York, among other locales. She then took a job as a book editor for Viking Press. This job notably lacked prestige, but Jackie was eager to prove herself.

Her children noticed that her attitudes toward sex and marriage were changing too: She didn’t want them to grow up with the “same twisted ideas and hangups” as the rest of the Kennedy clan (306). She told her son John that if his father had survived, she would have eventually left him. She continued to endure the double standard that condemned her for marrying Aristotle Onassis yet held her accountable for the actions of the other Kennedys. Her “unique fame” led her to leave her job at Viking after a novel about the Kennedys bombed and reviewers blamed her for allowing the book to be published, though she had no power over that decision.

However, soon after this debacle, Jackie received a job offer from Doubleday for twice the salary. She blossomed in her new role, considering herself a “literary midwife” who encouraged others to share their stories. She began a long-term relationship with Maurice Tempelsman and started to build a home in Martha’s Vineyard. In 1979, Gloria Steinem, an American feminist and the editor-in-chief of Ms. magazine, ran the first interview that Jackie had agreed to give since the White House. In the interview, Jackie defined happiness as “complete use of one’s faculties along lines leading to excellence in a life affording them scope” and pointed out that the traditional life of a housewife and mother, even a rich and widely beloved one, did not usually meet that definition (311). Gloria later wrote that Jackie was a role model for career women, whether married, single, or divorced, in choosing to do meaningful work for herself and her happiness.

The Epilogue covers the aftermath, death, and legacy of all 13 women that Ask Not features. Callahan points out that though the sexism often feels antiquated and extreme, its existence and consequences continue to affect survivors and American culture. Patricia Bowman, who survived William Kennedy Smith’s sexual assault, gave an interview to Diane Sawyer in 1991. The interviewer expressed sympathy toward William, not Patricia, stating that “he can’t get his name back” (316) and questioning what Patricia was doing out at three o’clock in the morning.

Once again, the book reconsiders Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.’s 2024 campaign for president. Some condemn his antisemitism, conspiracy mongering, and vaccine skepticism, but none deem his objectively cruel treatment of women worthy of mention.

Carolyn Bessette Kennedy was 33 when she died. Despite John Jr. crashing the plane in which they rode, Carolyn was blamed for the accident when biographers claimed that her “lateness” to the airport caused the crash. Subsequent accounts have depicted Carolyn as a “drug-addled harridan” who made John miserable to the point of distraction (320), which led to the crash. However, the National Transportation Safety Board ruled that the crash was entirely John’s fault. More experienced pilots warned him not to fly that night, and he refused the offer of a flight instructor to copilot. In addition, he almost collided with a commercial airliner during takeoff. In 2001, Carolyn’s mother reportedly received millions in a wrongful death settlement, though she has never spoken publicly about the crash.

Mimi and Diana both published books about their experiences with John F. Kennedy, Sr. Despite criticism from some in the media, blaming them for defaming the former president, John’s alleged affairs and harassment became “part of the public discourse” (321). Diana especially aligned her experiences with the MeToo movement of the early 2020s. She stated that John could not have been such a “womanizer” without the support of many enablers, both personal and political.

Marilyn Monroe died in 1962 in Brentwood, California. Officially, it was ruled a probable death by suicide, but suspicion still follows John and Bobby Kennedy. The day she died, Marilyn reported to a friend that she received harassing phone calls telling her to leave Bobby alone. One of the FBI agents who investigated her death later revealed publicly that he received orders to eliminate some phone records. Audiotapes from her surveillance system also went missing, as did her diary. The then-district attorney of Los Angeles County later revealed that he listened to a recording of Marilyn speaking with her psychiatrist, revealing hopes and plans for her immediate future, and said that, in his opinion, it could not have been death by suicide.

In the 1980s, ABC News produced a documentary about the Kennedy family’s involvement in Marilyn’s death. Hours before it was to air, however, the documentary was pulled for mysterious reasons. Her ex-husband Joe DiMaggio maintained his belief in the Kennedy family’s guilt until he died, stating that they got away with murder.

Mary Richardson Kennedy’s many loved ones acknowledge her shortcomings but insist to this day that nothing justified her husband’s mistreatment. Regardless, the mainstream media accepted Robert Jr.’s account. He gave an interview immediately after her death, casting himself as the victim and Mary as a problem that he was lucky to have survived. History books and media have largely “forgotten” the Kennedy family’s secret exhumation and reburial of her body.

Kick Kennedy experienced the double standard that allowed her father, brothers, and nephews “sexual freedom to the point of depravity” but condemned her for falling in love with a Protestant and then a married man (323). When she died in England, her family had abandoned her. Her father was the only member of the family to attend her funeral.

Mary Jo Kopechne’s parents never recovered from the death of their only child. Surprisingly, they found an ally in boxer and celebrity Muhammad Ali, who wrote them a letter after Ted Kennedy’s televised address to the nation about Mary Jo’s death. The boxer suggested that they sue Ted, considering him criminally responsible for the incident. However, her parents lacked the emotional strength or the money to sue the Kennedys. Instead, Ted served as the senior US senator for Massachusetts until the end of his life. In his 2009 autobiography, he lamented that the death affected his family and his chances at the presidency. Though he promised to one day tell the Kopechnes what really happened, Ted took that secret to his grave.

Joan Kennedy never remarried after divorcing Ted in 1982. She published a book about classical music and survived breast cancer, kidney damage, and the consequences of addiction. In 2006, her children intervened to try to take control of her finances, worried about her drinking. She was placed under state-supervised care and, as of the publication of this book, lived in Massachusetts.

Pamela Kelley Burkley died in 2020 at age 65. Isolated during the COVID-19 pandemic, she subsequently experienced depression and developed severe bedsores, which her family believes were preventable. They pointed out that Kennedy money could have saved her life.

Martha Moxley was buried in 1975 in Connecticut. Despite the national attention that her murder generated, it was decades before Michael Skakel faced any consequences. He was incarcerated in 2002 for 20 years to life, but Robert Jr. pushed for a retrial, which was granted in 2013. Michael was released on bond, and in 2018, the conviction was vacated. This book’s author was the last person to see the state’s evidence against Michael before it was sealed in accordance with state law. The prosecutor hopes that the decision will be reversed but fears that the evidence might not only be sealed but also destroyed by order of the Kennedys.

Rose Kennedy never dared to visit Rosemary, her lobotomized daughter, until after her husband’s death. She died of pneumonia in 1995 at the age of 104, outliving three of her children as well as Jackie Kennedy.

After the lobotomy, Rosemary spent the rest of her life at a private Catholic hospital in Wisconsin. After her father’s death, Ted and Eunice Kennedy flew her out to their family homes to visit and play with her family. She died at 86, surrounded by all her surviving siblings. She was buried near her mother and father in Massachusetts. Of all the Kennedy siblings, Rosemary remains the most obscure, likely by design.

Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy Onassis died in 1994 at the age of 64 after a lymphoma diagnosis. At her instruction, her wake was held in her apartment, and she was laid in a closed casket to protect her image. Thousands of New Yorkers lined the streets to mourn her as her funeral procession moved along Park Avenue. A friend read from a poem called “Ithaka,” about the Odyssey, at the funeral to memorialize her. The poem’s “philosophy of mortality” seemed to accurately characterize Jackie’s understanding of the fleeting nature of wealth, power, fame, and life (328). Her body was then flown to Arlington Cemetery and buried alongside John and her dead infants. Then-President Bill Clinton eulogized her as a woman of intelligence and grace who calmly led the American people through a tragedy.