Almost, Maine

In this version of Scene Five, two friends, Chad and Randy (“these guys are one hundred percent ‘guy’”), are in a potato field drinking beer, each trying to claim to have had the worse recent dating experience, like it is a competition (47). Chad goes first, telling Randy that his date, Sally, told him she didn’t like the way he smelled and couldn’t go out with him. Randy tells Chad he doesn’t mind the way Chad smells and agrees that’s a pretty bad experience. But then Randy gives his, saying “mine’s face broke” (48), relating the story of how at dancing lessons he tossed his date, Yvonne too hard and she landed on her face, and Randy had to take her to the emergency room, where she proceeded to ask him to call her old boyfriend to go get her.

Chad agrees that Randy’s story wins and they make plans to hang out the next night. Chad then asks why they need to go on disastrous dates, when they could hang out with each other instead, whom they each know they like, and lets it slip out that Randy is “the one thing in this world that makes [him] feel really good” (50). Randy gets awkward at this, says he has to go, and deflects Chad’s questions about when they will meet up the next day. As Randy walks away, Chad calls out to him, and then, when their eyes meet, collapses. When Randy rushes back and asks what is wrong, Chad answers, “I think I just […] fell in love with you there, Randy” (51). Randy is confused and upset, asking why Chad had to say that and ruin their friendship; meanwhile, whenever their eyes meet, Chad collapses again. Randy realizes as he is talking that Chad is “about the only thing that feels really good and makes sense in this world to [him], too” (51). By this point, they are on opposite sides of the stage from each other, Chad on the ground, Randy standing, until their eyes meet yet again, and this time Randy crumples. The scene ends with each of them attempting to get up and go to the other but collapsing each time their eyes meet and getting no closer: “They just look at each other. It’s all scary and thrilling and unknown” (52).

This version of Scene Five happens almost exactly the same as the previous, except between two female best friends: Shelly, in lieu of Chad, and Deena, in place of Randy. There are some slight differences, though: whereas Chad was driving his date, in this version, Shelly is being driven by her date, Todd, and the odor Todd objects to has to do with “the lengths [women] go to to smell nice” (54). The details of Deena’s bad date are more specific: we learn her date, Darren, sustains an “Ocular—orbital—bone fracture,” and asks her to call his mother to pick him up (56). This version ends in the same way as the previous version.  

This scene takes place near a frozen pond, where Phil and Marci have recently been ice skating. The scene opens mid-conversation, with Phil saying, “It still feels like you’re mad,” and Marci responding, “I’m not mad!” (61). They go back and forth in this manner, until Marci, notices one of her shoes is missing. They pause their argument to try to find it, with Phil going offstage, to their car, to look. As he’s returning, Marci sees a shooting star and tries to draw Phil’s attention to it, but he misses it. She tells him she’s not surprised and that he needs to pay better attention to things. This renews the argument about whether or not Marci is mad, and she goes off to the car to look for her shoe. When she returns, she sees how sad Phil is, and he tries to cover for it by saying he is wishing on a regular star. Marci points out that it is a planet, not a star, which brings them back to Phil not paying attention, and Marci reveals the source of her current mood: it is their anniversary, which Phil has forgot. He argues that he has to work long hours to support the family and it takes a lot out of him. Marci replies, “What I don’t understand is why I’m lonely, Phil. I got a husband and a coupla great kids. And I’m lonely,” and admits that she is mad (64). At this Phil gets angry, saying she lies: “you don’t know how to tell me what you feel like about me, so I never know where I am, where I stand!” (65). The scene ends with Marci saying, “what are we doin’? What are we waiting for?” and her missing shoe falls from the sky, landing between them. After a pause, Marci exits to the car and drives off, leaving Phil there, where he sees a shooting star.

Scene Seven opens with a woman we find out is named Hope, who is dressed more stylishly and formally than most of the folks of Almost, knocking on the door of her old boyfriend’s house. When a man answers the door, she starts talking without really noticing him and says she traveled all this way to see him, before noticing he doesn’t look like the man she is looking for. She continues talking at a quick pace, not really letting the man get a word in.

Hope explains that she grew up in Almost, but was getting ready to leave town, and the night before she was supposed to leave, an old boyfriend, Daniel, had asked her to marry him and she had promised him an answer in the morning but just left instead. Now, she is ready to give him her answer. The man is interested and prompts her to continue her story several times. Finally, Hope says, “I feel like I dashed his [Daniel’s] hopes and dreams” (68). The man then gets a chance to really speak for the first time, telling her that a “no” might have dashed his dreams, but what she did was “killin’ hope the long, slow, painful way, ‘cause it’s still there, just hangin’ on, never really goes away” (69). At this she begins to go away, and the man says, “Goodbye, Hope,” even though she hasn’t actually said his name. It takes her a minute to realize this, and then she recognizes that the man is in fact Daniel, her old boyfriend, and she didn’t recognize him. “I, uh, lost a lot of hope. That’ll do a number on you,” Daniel says (69). Hope is about to give him the answer she came to give him when Daniel’s wife calls from inside. Daniel tells Hope he hopes she finds her place in the world and shuts the door, and the scene ends with her saying her answer, “Yes,” to the closed door (70).

Rhonda and Dave enter Rhonda’s winterized porch after a day of snowmobiling, apparently because Dave asked to come, though Rhonda isn’t very comfortable with him at her house. When she asks why they’re there, Dave deflects, talking about how much fun they had. Then, eventually, he says they’ve been “together” for a while, but Rhonda scoffs, so he changes it to they’ve been friends, and says he wants to give her a present. The gift is a painting. Dave reveals he painted it himself after taking some art classes, and it’s abstract so she has to work on figuring out what it is. Rhonda struggles with this and gives up quickly, not seeming to understand why Dave would want to get her a present in the first place.

Dave asks to go inside, saying Rhonda has to “trick” the painting by not looking at it for a while, and they should have some beers (74). Rhonda doesn’t like this idea and returns to trying to make out what the painting is of. Dave says it is “unnatural” that they should be friends for so long with him ever having seen the inside of Rhonda’s place (74). She guesses the painting is of “roadkill,” which is not it at all, so Dave offers to give her a hint, and kisses her (74-75). Rhonda, not expecting this or understanding, explodes, telling him to go away and going inside. Dave calls out to her, explaining that their mutual friends had told him she was “hung up” and he had to be persistent in making the first move to get her to see his romantic interest in her (75), and says everyone is rooting for them to be a couple. Rhonda says she didn’t think guys were really interested in women like her. Dave kisses her again, and the idea of the two of them together seems to have grown on her. She finally sees what the painting is of, and says she really likes it. Dave asks if she wants to take things further, and they end up stripping off absurd amounts of snow gear, before heading inside. Rhonda says, “We’re not workin’ first shift or any shift tomorrow!” and the scene ends with the painting’s subject finally being revealed to the audience: a heart (78). 

Cariani provides two options for the Epilogue. In the first option, Pete once again appears onstage, sitting on the bench where we last saw him. Then he stands and goes toward where Ginette exited, staring after her. Meanwhile, Ginette enters from the opposite side of the stage and takes the seat Pete occupied as the Prologue began. Pete, seeming defeated, turns finally, and sees her there. He turns back to where she exited, and back to her, “asking nonverbally, using the snowball, if she’s been all the way around the world…and she nods” (79). Pete sits where Ginette had sat as the Prologue began and once again they alternate looking up at the sky and at one another.

The second option begins with Pete again standing near where Ginette exited, looking after her, before coming back and sitting where Ginette had been sitting, always looking after her. Ginette approaches from the opposite direction and goes up to the bench. Pete stands, about to give up, and sees her. They do the pantomime, as in Option 1, take the seat where the other had begun the play and again look up at the sky.