All We Have Left

Jesse is searching the shed for her gear in preparation for a day of mountain climbing when Nick calls. He laughs at her invitation to join her. Distracted by happening upon a photo album hidden in the shed, she agrees to whatever question he has asked her and hangs up.

The album contains clippings from the local papers about Travis’s death in the World Trade Center; Jesse reflects that no one in the family has actually talked about Travis since Hank left home for volunteer work in Africa. She realizes that the album was hidden by her mother, and wonders about the reason why she would have taken such pains to do so.

Jesse’s spirits are buoyed by the prospect of the climb, and she is assigned an attractive young man named Adam as a partner with whom to climb the thawing waterfall. He responds curtly when she asks where he comes from, but is friendlier as he explains that he has climbed in Utah, Wyoming and Colorado. Unsure of his expertise, Jesse announces that she will lead the climb, and Adam agrees readily. Jesse reacts by thinking that “Nick would never let me lead” (83), although she dismisses this thought as disloyal.

As the climb continues, Jesse is impressed by Adam’s skill and poetic nature. When Jesse is halfway up the frozen falls, she falters both physically and emotionally. She realizes that she is out of shape due to the amount of sedentary time that she has spent with Nick. Adam reacts to the situation by assuring her from below and reminding her that “You can do this, Jesse” (86). They sit at the top of the mountain and enjoy the beauty of the present moment together. 

Alia, still troubled by missing the opportunity to attend the NYU film program, decides to visit his World Trade Center office in order to persuade him to change his mind. She rehearses her conversation with her father while on the subway, and realizes that “[…] he’s worried about me making bad decisions” (90). Alia revisits the argument that she had with her parents about their refusal to allow her to date Mike Stanley, and her mother’s assurance that they only wanted her to be happy. She recalls that Carla Sanchez had lied to Mama and Ayah when Alia had run away to the Sanchez home, responding to their desperate queries about Alia by saying that she had not seen her. Additionally, she remembers that Mike had attended a rooftop party that Carla hosted that night, proffering beer to Alia and groping her while they kissed. When she refused him, he called her a “tease”; shortly afterwards, Alia saw Carla engaging in a long kiss with Mike. Upon Alia’s return home, she was grounded for the remainder of the summer.

Alia’s reminiscing is ended when her train reaches the Cortlandt Street Station, which leads to 1 World Trade Center. She waits for an elevator to bring her to her father’s office, located “[…] high up in the north tower” (98).

When Jesse returns to school on the Monday following her climb with Adam, she runs into him in the hallway. He explains that he had finished the preceding year at his old high school, but has now relocated to follow his parents and sister to Jesse’s town. He advises Jesse that she should smile more often, noting that “Smiling is good for the soul” (101). Despite her attraction to Adam, Jesse refuses his offer to go climb on the following weekend. When Nick asks who she was talking to, Jesse responds, “No one” (103).

Jesse sneaks out of her family home that evening to join Nick on another graffiti adventure. Nick has revealed facts about his past to her, including the fact that his mother left home due to physical abuse by his father, and that his brother, Dave, had once broken Nick’s collarbone during a fight.

Following Nick’s lead, Jesse helps to graffiti a local cheese shop; she notices that Nick “[…] has been getting reckless” (103), and attributes this to the fact that their “Nothing” tags were not attracting sufficient attention. Although they are pursued by local police after this venture, they are not caught.

When Jesse returns from school the next day, she is advised by the clerk in her father’s climbing shop that her father had disappeared upstairs hours earlier for “a liquid lunch” (105). Jesse finds her dad screaming abuse at the television news program depicting beheadings at the hands of terrorists. She notes that “[…] he carries a bottomless well of hate for Muslims, which he often vents in a rage-filled rant the TV” (106).

Upon seeking emotional refuge outside the house, Jesse is confronted by her friends, Teeny, Emi, and Myra. They have come to conduct an intervention about her relationship with Nick. Emi notes that “Nick isn’t good for you” (107), and they remind Jesse that they will always be available to her. Jesse, unable to reveal that she and Nick have spent most of their evening painting graffiti on local buildings, responds with silence. Emi pauses as she leaves, looks at Jesse and asks, “Is he worth it?” (108).